1, the college entrance examination results came out, I scored 731 points, did not expect to be the first place in our school. The same table called me and asked: I scored 685 points, how much do you have? I said sadly

1, the college entrance examination results came out, I scored 731 points, did not expect to be the first place in our school. The same table called me and asked: I scored 685 points, how much do you have? I said sadly: I just took the test a little more than 700. Table Mate: That's also very good, your dad promised you that the Rolls-Royce arrived, right? Me: No, it's just a Maybach. Table Mate: Alas, I can only drive my Rolls-Royce, and I'm just 15 out of 5 to buy a Maybach!

2, the father-in-law is a real estate developer, sneaky by the mother-in-law found out and divorced the mother-in-law, bad women successfully took the position. That night the bad woman lay on the window playing with her father-in-law's hand and found that the lifeline on the palm of her father-in-law's hand was very long. Then she looked at herself again, and then said to her father-in-law: Husband, my lifeline is very short, I can only live to 50 years old, what to do? The father-in-law thought about it and said: Oh, then you don't have to buy you pension insurance, anyway, you can't live to that time.

3, chess friends show off his granddaughter in the second grade every day, and today his granddaughter comes to him to show off. I asked his granddaughter, "How many legs does a duck have??" The girl opened her mouth and said, "2." I asked, "What about 10 years from now?" The girl broke her hand and counted, and told me very seriously: "20!! "Well, I have to say that arithmetic is really good!"

4, beat my parents left the world, only me and my old sister depended on each other. On this day, I was on a business trip in Dubai, and she called me and said: Brother, I have a Rolls-Royce Silver Charm, but I don't have any money with me. Me: How much?? Sister: Hee-hee, not much, just 1 million. I pushed my wife on the side: Wife, my sister looked at a Maserati, and you are now transferring 1 million to the past. Wife: So, let her call me a sister-in-law, I will transfer 2 million to her!! As soon as my wife's voice dropped, my sister's voice came from the phone: she was as old as me and wanted me to call her sister-in-law, impossible!!

5. The husband of the female manager died during the sterilization operation. It is not easy for a female manager to carry her son alone, and I often visit her. Last night I bought a la carte and went to dinner with the female manager. We were eating when her son came back from school with a face full of faces. The little guy said, "Mom, Mom, I was praised by the teacher today!" The female manager was very confused when she heard it, because her son was often criticized, so she asked him: "How did the teacher praise you?" The little guy grinned, "The teacher said that of all the students at the penalty station today, I stood the straightest!" ”

6. After work, I was particularly thirsty halfway to the road, so I went to the commissary to buy two bottles of Yibao. For four dollars, I gave the boss a 10 dollar note. As a result, the boss said with a very bad attitude: there are not enough silver coins, and you must find paper money for you. I immediately decided and said, "Then I just need a bottle." So he found me a $5 note and 3 coins. Then, I took another $5 bill and tied another bottle of Yibao's money with him. It's fun to watch him get angry and can't have a seizure!

7. The niece attends the red, yellow and blue kindergarten, and the annual tuition fee is 200,000. There is a little Zhengtai in her class, who frantically pursues her niece and brings her meat buns every day. Just yesterday, my sister went to the kindergarten to pick up her niece and found her and the little boy holding hands. Before my sister could speak, she watched the little boy snort, hugged my sister's thigh and shouted to her niece: You go first, I will solve this old woman!

8. The village chief showed off to his son: "The pants in our village, I know who it is as soon as I smell it!" "My son tried it several times, and sure enough, he was very accurate, and he was secretly dissatisfied! Once, the son bought a new pair of pants and rubbed them on the cow's butt a few times to give to his father to smell. The village chief couldn't smell it, and thought to himself, "Is there a new person in the village again?" So he praised his son: "You little boy, you are good." "My son fainted!!!

9. This year, I am 35 years old, and today I finally married myself. However, because the road conditions were not good, the welcoming convoy arrived at noon. It was unlucky to pick up the kiss after 12 o'clock, so the various procedures were accelerated. I got married, and my 13-year-old brother-in-law, whose surname was Fen, asked the groom to perform various shows, endlessly. The old man was furious: "You first ask him to take your sister away!" When they're gone, what do you want to see, I'll give you a show! ”

10, rich: so cheap, give me a 50 pounds! The boss looked up at the sky and said: Good, a total of 575 yuan! The rich man was stunned, took out his mobile phone to open the calculator, calculated for half a day and found that it was correct, and he was greatly impressed in his heart! So I couldn't help but ask -- sentence: Dare to ask your excellency if you use cloud computing?"

11. A rich man in his thirties and a beautiful Tsinghua graduate girl who is ten years younger than himself are getting better. The little girl's love for the rich man is uncle, and the rich man has always felt that there is nothing. Until a few days ago, the little girl took the rich man home to see her parents... It was the first time that the rich man went to the little girl's house, and as soon as the little girl entered the door, she shouted: Mommy and Daddy, the uncle you want to see has come. Uncle and aunt almost trotted out, and then her father shook hands with me and said: We just want to meet the child himself, you are the elder of the personal sent people, really sincere...

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