1, Nima, this morning I took the subway with my colleagues to work, she put one hand on my arm, I will pull the fingers of this hand in various ways, and then play with it, the hand is still very hot, fingers

1, Nima, this morning I and my colleagues took the subway to work, she put a hand on my arm, I will all kinds of fingers of this hand, and then play ah, the hand is still very hot, the fingers are still thick. Playing and playing I felt something was wrong, looked up gorgeously and saw my colleague's hand on her own arm, both hands on it, then whose hand was I playing with? Then the handsome pot next to me moved away from me little by little, and I was messy!

2, my friend found a job and told me to go to his house for dinner. After the meal, the friend's mother said: "Unconsciously, the child is so old, his father, remember when we were young, we both love to beat him when we are fine!" His father smiled happily and continued, "At that time, when it rained, I couldn't work in the field, I beat my children on cloudy days, and I was idle when I was idle!" "I listened with a twitch and a smoke... Did this baby buy fertilizer and send it?

3, the girlfriend came to play in the house we rented, and then my girlfriend and she and the three of us fought the landlord together. Because the room was small, we played on the ground, and she wore a short skirt and couldn't sit, so she played half-kneeling and half-sitting for an afternoon. After her girlfriend went out to buy vegetables, her boyfriend came to pick her up again, and saw that her knees were red, so... Hey, bro, you listen to me explain, hey, don't punch me in the face!

4, just withdraw money at the ATM, the previous sister continuously entered the wrong password, the card was swallowed. She glanced back at me and asked what to do, and I said it was okay, it was okay to get it back with an ID card. Then I continued to play with my phone down. A minute later, the girl turned back to me and shouted: You are a dead liar! The ID card was also swallowed!

5, before getting married, I went to the mall with my boyfriend, I went to the bathroom to let him wait outside, I didn't see anyone after I came out and called him where? creak? After a while, he saw him run over, he said, kept looking down at the phone and then came out a woman holding him, the two of them left happily, until I called and found that the other party was not me...

6, my home is living on the 6th floor, last night with my boyfriend to go home. Entered the elevator to play mobile phone, did not pay attention to see, on the fifth floor out of the elevator, found that it was wrong, so take the stairs up. As a result, I went to the seventh floor because I looked down at my mobile phone, and when I turned back, I found my boyfriend quietly following me. I asked him: Why don't you tell me I went wrong? The boyfriend said: I just want to see whose house you really want to go to!

7, yesterday, my aunt arranged a day for two men to go on a blind date with me. In the evening, I called my aunt: "The one in the morning is a bit muna, too addicted to playing games; the one in the afternoon is cheerful and talkative, but a little playful, often going to the bar... I can't make up my mind. Aunt: "I think too much, neither of them looks at you." ”

8, bought an electric razor for my father-in-law, but my father-in-law has never used it. "What a treasure to break a razor, use it and buy it again!" I say. "People are old, they don't use it, they won't use this electric thing..." The old man snapped. The mother-in-law interjected: Will not use is fake, this cold iron guy which barber shop girl feel good?

9, Mid-Autumn Festival National Day eight days small long holiday ~ day1 take the boyfriend home to see the parents day 2 relatives to visit / barbecue day 3 to visit the grandfather and aunt uncle day4 temple to ask for a sign / go to the wind farm to play / give grandpa a 79th birthday day5 both parents meet day6 big brother in Huizhou to see the house / two Huizhou half-day tour day7 in the boyfriend's house lying corpse day 8 times deep / clean up the room Summary: The small long holiday only rested for one day! Also gloriously injured!! Grill burns the chest

10, looking at my mother just finished cleaning the house and ready to wash the dishes, my father could not help but say painfully: "Wife, you go to rest, the rest I will come." Only to see him turn around and roll up his sleeves, he shouted at me lying on the couch playing with my mobile phone: "Go and wash the dishes, or be careful that I beat you." ”

11, Xiao Li went to the bar to drink alcohol on the second day of his wedding. Colleague Lao Wang asked, "Isn't the new daughter-in-law pretty?" There's nothing unhappy about it. Xiao Li cried and said: "Pretty is quite beautiful, but than I can play, the key is to get up in the morning confused to see my hand... ”

12, the family in the living room watching TV, my wife asked me: Do you think that men think that their wives are good for others? I did not answer directly, turned to my son and asked: There are so many toys in the family, why do you still play with Wang Xiaoming's toys next door? My son replied: As long as I haven't played it, I think it's funny! I turned back to my wife and said: There is nothing wrong with this answer!

13, in the morning came a young mother to do hair, let vivian help take care of her one-year-old child, I was seriously cutting, she suddenly looked straight in the mirror and shouted: "Don't let the child play with hair, he will eat it." "Hey, what should I do?" she quickly said while cutting and comforting her: "Nothing to eat, the hair is there!" ”

14, a local tycoon loves mutton soup the most, every day to go to a lamb soup restaurant to eat, want a large bowl, this time because it is not very hungry to have a small bowl! The waitress asked the local tycoon what was going on this time, and the local tycoon jokingly said: "Lose weight!" Waitress: "Don't be handsome!" The local tycoon flirted with the waitress: "Then I am quite handsome, you ask your father if he can be a son-in-law!" Waitress: "If you think the lamb soup costs more, I'll give you a discount, but if you want to eat it for free, you can't do it!" ”