CAT'S VIEWILL OF LIFE
life
It's an attitude
Author: Two forget machines
Ten o'clock reading | Original debut
The educator Rousseau once said: "The foundation of education is the family." ”
That's true.
Home is the starting point of our life, it creates our character background, but also determines the direction of our lives.
Every child's body is marked by the imprint of the original family.
Whether a child can become an adult and grow up happily, the family environment plays a key role.
So, what kind of parents can't raise happy children at a glance?
Child psychologists say:
Emotional violence by parents, harm to a child is fatal. That kind of extreme negative emotion will affect the child's personality and personality development throughout life.
In the book "Growing Up Again", Mary is a girl who is poisoned by her mother's emotions.
Mary's mother is a very emotionally unstable person, and often scolds Mary for a small matter.
Mary boasted that her aunt's skirt was so beautiful, and when she got home, her mother would immediately pull down her face and scold her for being a white-eyed wolf.
Even when Mary is upset by her boyfriend's breakup, she will be beaten up by her mother in anger and call her a rotten thing.
Mom always did this to Mary, one second showing affection and understanding for her, and the next second she would suddenly change her face and violently humiliate and beat her.
Her mother's bad mood gradually became her lingering nightmare.
When She grew up, Mary's emotions were also very changeable and irritable.
When she argues with her boyfriend, she will curse at every turn, and even say ugly things to denigrate her boyfriend and his cousin.
Not only that, she is also very inferior and cowardly, bottomlessly pleasing others, even if it is not her own fault, she always apologizes first.
Her moodiness hurt her beloved boyfriend and eventually broke up; her flattery was never exchanged for any genuine liking, but she missed the opportunity for promotion.
Psychologists have interviewed many children raised by irritable parents and found that they usually have the following characteristics:
Constantly apologizing, thinking too much, being particularly afraid of disappointing people, ignoring your feelings, always pleasing others, being insecure, etc.
The three points of the parent's temper will cause seven points of harm to the child.
In the eyes of children, every emotional violence of parents is a bloody storm, which is enough to destroy their psychological defense line and turn their world upside down over the years.
The face of a parent is the color of the child's world.
Only when parents manage their emotions can children live their own lives.
When the parents' emotions are stable, the child's world will be brighter, and the child will have a happier and more secure feeling.
Lucky children can draw love and strength from childhood throughout their lives.
May every parent use peaceful emotions to inject happiness and security into their children's hearts, so that they will always have the heat to face the world!
Online, there is a question: "What impact will parental discord affect the child?" ”
Netizens @S.an below, sharing their boyfriend's personal experience.
The boyfriend's parents have no emotional basis, and some are just endless quarrels and calculations.
The mother spent a little more money when she was sick, and when she returned home, she would always be blamed by her father;
When her father had a few friends on her birthday, she would always be complained by her mother about causing her trouble.
Between two people, it is not like a husband and wife at all, but more like a partner to live a life.
After growing up, the boyfriend desperately wants to escape the shadow of his parents getting along, but he does have the shadow of his parents.
He began to become irritable and anxious, and after being repeatedly broken by his peers who played together, he chose to vent his dissatisfaction on innocent netizens.
Not only that, the boyfriend is also very contradictory, while longing for an intimate relationship, but at the same time not trusting feelings.
In the end, the boyfriend lost the ability to love his lover because he hated himself, and ended the relationship between the two.
There are many sequelae brought to him by the original family: emotional instability, negative energy, anxiety, depression, inferiority and cowardice, and it is difficult to be happy.
The inability of his parents to love affected every aspect of his life, making his life and spirit very bad.
In addition to the heartache, I have to admit that the emotional disharmony of the parents brings the child a lifetime of emotional lack and uneasiness.
Educator Dewey once said:
"The highest purpose of all education is to form character, in the growth of everyone's life, there is no more important teacher than the parents, the best tutor is the love of husband and wife."
Indeed it is.
Parents are the original, children are copies, parents' words and deeds, and the mode of getting along will have a profound impact on the child and affect the child's emotional feelings!
If the child has seen his parents fall in love, the child will feel warm and bright, and he will have the strength of love as a support for his whole life;
If the child has only seen the parents' sword-fighting and indifferent, then they will only repeat the bad mode of getting along, and the pain will be difficult to heal for a lifetime.
The emotional harmony of parents determines the temperature of children's lives. How much parents love each other, how much security the child has.
Parents love each other, is the best nourishment for children's hearts.
Children who have grown up bathed in the love of their parents since childhood have a warm and bright background in life, which can ensure mental health, good emotional intelligence, and are happy all their lives.
"I sometimes really want to be able to be like the protagonist in a movie, have a superpower, so that I can go back 26 years and kill myself." 」
This is the scream of the girl named Xiaoyu in the female monologue drama "Hear Her Say", and what is even more painful is that this is the wish she made to her mother on her 26th birthday.
When Xiaoyu was not yet born, her father cheated, so from birth, she became the only spiritual pillar of her mother.
The mother poured all her energy into Xiaoyu and gave up her career and life for this.
In her mother's view: there is only light rain in her world, and there must be only her in the world of light rain.
Whether in life or spirit, her mother is inseparable from her.
The mother would use pocket money to bribe the classmates who were close to Xiaoyu and let them report to her every day about Xiaoyu's affairs at school.
Such behavior, which directly led to a light rain for 26 years, has not had a good friend.
Her favorite boy also left her because of her mother's intervention.
Even Xiaoyu, who is out of college, must answer every phone call from her mother, no matter what she is doing, or her mother will call the people around her until she answers.
The mother's secret love made Xiaoyu feel pain and become very inferior, and she did not even understand lovers.
A study done by the University of London in the United Kingdom found that:
People who are excessively restricted by their parents and interfere with privacy in childhood have a lower happiness index when they grow up.
Where the parents put their hands, the child will feel pain for the rest of his life.
Under the pretext of "being good for the child", parents run amok and interfere excessively in the child's world, and the harm left on the child is comparable to bereavement.
To ruin a child's happiness, you only need to manage him, manage him, manage him.
There is a famous law of education abroad, called the law of twenty yards.
Among them, "twenty yards" is a symbol, which means that parents and children should maintain a certain distance to protect their children's privacy.
Treat children, to be within easy reach, but also to the end of the world.
You know, parents who lack a sense of boundaries can't raise happy children.
The best love for a child is to let go of his hand and return his life to the child.
After all, only when parents guard the borders can children have their own world and grow up happily in their own kingdom!
The book Immature Parents explains the characteristics of immature parents as follows:
They are self-centered, putting their own needs first, maintaining their own feelings and needs without taking into account the feelings of others.
This is used to describe the father Qiao Zuwang in the TV series "Children of the Qiao Family", which is more accurate.
When his wife died in childbirth, Qiao Zuwang, who should have shouldered the burden of the family and taken care of his children, still only cared about his own food, drink and entertainment, and turned a blind eye to the lives of his children in the family.
He threw the responsibility of taking care of the children to his eldest son, Qiao Yicheng, and he went to play cards himself.
A few children were so hungry that they could only drink clear soup water, but he was happy alone: eating pork head meat and drinking small wine;
Qiao Erqiang was ill and urgently needed to be sent to the hospital, but he sat motionless at the card table;
Qiao Sanli was almost molested by the neighbors, and after he knew, he not only did not seek justice for the child, but used this to extort a sum of money;
A father with an immature personality and extreme unreliability forced the young Qiao Yicheng to become the head of the family and take on the role of father and mother.
Contrary to his father's extreme selfishness, Joe Yicheng is extremely selfless. He took care of all the children that Qiao Zuwang did not care about; he was all worried about the things that Qiao Zuwang did not worry about.
Faced with his father's inaction, he was exhausted as a teenager, so he ran to the castle tower to seek death, and was eventually stopped by his uncle.
Calming down, he began to plan for his younger siblings little by little. He negotiated with his father and asked him to increase his family and supplement his younger siblings with nutrition.
Sanli was molested, and while he scolded Qiao Zuwang for not being worthy of being a father, he sued the police station, and finally let the bad guys fall to justice.
Qiao Yicheng, who was deprived of his childhood prematurely and forced to take responsibility in advance, lived a bitter life and suffered in his heart.
The heaviness of life and the immaturity of his father overwhelmed him.
Eventually, all of this melted into his life, making him depressed and inferior, and emotionally irritable.
Online, someone asked: "What is the difference between mature parents and immature parents?" ”
One answer that touched me deeply was:
Mature parents know how to take responsibility and shield their children from the wind and rain, while immature parents will only bring wind and rain to their children.
Parents with immature personalities are the biggest disaster in a child's life.
Allowing children to be forced to assume the role of caregivers from an early age is the greatest sadness of parenthood.
The absence of parents and the lack of responsibility will create psychological trauma for a child's life!
Parents with mature personalities are the greatest luck of children. Such a child has a steady stream of love and security, the ability to love himself, and the ability to love others.
Parents are only valid for 10 years, may every parent be able to be a mature parent, take on the responsibility of being a parent when the child needs it, and provide a warm and loving growth environment for the child!
As the old saying goes, "Home is the foundation of man." ”
In real life, every parent is looking forward to the happiness and smoothness of their children, but often ignores the family atmosphere.
As everyone knows, the way the family looks, the child is not only in the eyes, but also into life.
I agree with the same sentence: every child is born with a blank piece of paper, and the parents are the ones who paint. What kind of white paper becomes, the key lies in the parents.
When parents are emotionally stable, children will feel safe;
Parents are emotionally harmonious, and children have the ability to love;
Parents have a sense of boundaries, children can have themselves;
When parents mature, children can be relaxed and warm.
The essence of education is also the practice of parenthood.
The so-called parents and children have only the fate of this life.
May the parents of the world perform their duties and give their children a warm and loving growth environment, and may all children be loved and loved for a lifetime!
The author | Two forgetful machines, holding a pen in their hands, just to reconcile with themselves.
The anchor | Yue Heng, University Broadcast Teacher, Public Account: Anchor Yue Heng
Pictures | Visual China
- END -
Introduction: Chen Hua cat, a three-dimensional extremely positive, forever 30-year-old forever romantic realist, loves himself and loves life. Pay attention to the cat's outlook on life (mmqinggan), give voice to women, analyze emotions, feel life, and transmit warmth.