People who grew up in these three kinds of families should have a hard time feeling happy

Text┃ An emotional book

Lu Yao once wrote in "The Ordinary World":

People would rather care about the eating, drinking, and frivolity of a crappy actor than understand the turbulent inner world of an ordinary person.

Of course, this is a very relaxed way of life.

It's good to be an obscure melon eater who gets some jokes and topics so that you won't be bored every day, but you won't expend too much emotion and mental energy because of it.

But at the same time, we are also gradually losing the ability to think.

Ask yourself if you were given two books, you would have to pick one out of them and read it. One is a twisted, brain-burning and complex book, and the other is a book that is easy to read, simple and easy to understand, how would you choose?

The answer doesn't matter.

The difference is that you'd rather think more or just think less.

We prefer to pay attention to the gossip of the "crappy actor" because whether we really like this person from the bottom of our hearts or not, our subconscious also understands that no matter what the end result of this person will be, for us, it is possible to laugh it off.

The reason we are reluctant to understand the inner world of ordinary people and what kind of turbulence will be in them is because we are also members of the "ordinary".

Because, we can always know the "result" in advance.

It must be particularly difficult, particularly cruel, particularly helpless.

The reason is that many of us have grown up in this environment. So much so that we don't feel that "ordinary people" will end up reaping happiness.

Most of the people who have this idea grow up in the following three kinds of families.

01: Internal consumption type

In "Children of the Qiao Family", Ye Xiaolang's parents endlessly squeezed her in order to make their lives more comfortable and to buy a house for their son and marry a daughter-in-law.

And Ye Xiaolang, in order to get rid of this life, in order to control his own destiny, even signed a "letter of commitment".

Putting aside the deep-rooted concept, whether it is a son or a daughter, after all, it is the flesh that fell from the body, why do you treat your daughter so cruelly?

But the story is like this, the so-called farce, that is, the liar is willing to say, and the fool is willing to listen.

And it turns out that Ye Xiaolang has already planted the seeds of hatred in her heart, and since her parents are unfair, then she doesn't care whether she fulfills her promise or not.

Therefore, even if she met Qiao Yicheng, a man who loved her wholeheartedly, she was still desperate to seize any opportunity to escape from the current life, any opportunity that could get rid of her parents and get rid of the past, she was not willing to give up.

Doesn't Ye Xiaolang understand Qiao Yicheng's feelings for her?

She knows better than anyone, and she, rather than loving Qiao Yicheng, is more like loving Qiao Yicheng's sense of security, but Qiao Yicheng should never be a virgin.

In the face of her parents' unreasonableness, Qiao Yicheng always said: "No matter what, they are your parents." ”

And this sentence is the reason why Ye Xiaolang really made up his mind to leave.

It was hard to get rid of her parents, but after turning her head, she found that her husband, who regarded her as a flood beast, had brought back.

The life after Ye Xiaolang left, in fact, can be imagined, the body got rid of his parents, but the soul can never get rid of it.

Because she grew up in an environment that is not willing to complete each other, but constantly internal friction and drag each other's legs.

In Ye Xiaolang's heart, his parents are not credible, his brother is not credible, and in the end, even his husband is not credible, so who else in this world can be completely trusted?

How can you feel happy if you are trapped in the past and have to be with the world with guard all the time?

02: Accusatory type

Lu Xun once said:

The brave are angry and draw their blades to the stronger; the cowardly are angry, and the blades are drawn to the weaker. What can a cowardly man, even with great anger, burn apart from the weak grass?

In the movie "Heartbeat", Bryce's father, Loski, is an accusatory person.

The heroine brings eggs to Bryce, and his father, Loki, will let him throw them away, telling him that these eggs are infected with germs and will break his stomach when eaten.

Bryce wanted to refute it, but before he could say two words, he was lectured by his father pointing at his nose: Just listen to me, are you going to question me?

My mother tried to dissuade her, and was soon angered by Roski's anger: No one can question me, no one can!

The sister said that a pair of brothers in the neighbor's family played the guitar very well, and the father immediately said: If they can't buy a guitar, they can buy the money, they can get it from stealing the car.

Many times, our childhood is not as happy as we think, just because at that time, when we are young, we will naturally forget the unhappy things and focus on the things that make us happy and happy.

Growing up, we are always unhappy because we learn to amplify this negative emotion.

With doubts in his heart, he pondered why some people always said unpleasant things, and at the same time, he resisted thinking about whether he was really bad.

Many people's families rarely hear words of praise and praise in a year.

When Xiao Hao was 11 years old, he won the school's award for the first time and went home happily, but his father said: After so many years of study, you got this award, what do you have to be proud of?

So, since then, Xiao Hao has never won an award.

I have to say that the thinking of Chinese parents is sometimes really difficult to understand. On the one hand, it is its own inaction, and on the other hand, it is to suppress the child with the posture of a successful person.

The name is: you can't make him proud.

People who grow up in accusations have difficulty in generating self-confidence, and they will choose to escape first in the face of any person and thing that they are not completely sure of.

It is not that I am afraid of not doing a good job, but I am afraid of being blamed for not doing a good job.

How can they learn to be happy? All the little ones have been shattered in childhood.

03: Silent type

There is a passage that is particularly interesting:

When I ask you, you don't say; when you want to say, I don't want to hear; and in the end we are silent.

The movie "Mr. Hello Tree" has been seen by many people.

His brother, because he said something that his father did not like to hear, was beaten to death by mistake; so there was a shadow in the tree's heart from then on, and many things were afraid to say, unwilling to say.

In the end, he bumped into the village bully, scolded his brother, and ran away from his daughter-in-law. As a result, he was beaten by the village bully, who knelt down to apologize; he was beaten by his brother, and his brother turned against him; and his daughter-in-law returned to her mother's house and never returned.

In the movie, the tree is always wandering around, and when you come home, it is a suffocating depression and silence.

In fact, when it comes to the roots, it is still the reason of the original family, which has caused the fragmentation of a family of 5.

There was no communication and negotiation, only scolding.

The most desperate thing about silent families is:

Children who are also parents, some children can always get praise, and some children, not only do not get praise, but often will be reprimanded.

Zhou Bingkun in "The World" is such a "child".

Fortunately, Zhou's father finally affirmed Zhou Bingkun, saying that he was the proudest of the three children in the family.

However, at this time, Zhou Bingkun had already married and had children, and was a husband and father.

For such a sentence, he fought for decades, and even became a thorn in his heart, and for a time he was inferior, depressed, and the most unproductive.

I once said that Zhou Bingkun's greatest success was to marry Zheng Juan. If there is no Zheng Juan, it is conceivable that Zhou Bingkun's life would be like.

If it only takes one sentence to untie the knot for your child, why be silent?

After all, isn't it sad that a man of several decades is still thinking about how to get his parents' affirmation and praise every day?

How can he find his own happiness?

There are many truths that can solve the impact of these 3 situations, but ask yourself, have we heard less? But often after hearing the truth, I will turn my head and return to the starting point.

Life, never afraid of no direction, the most afraid, is to have a direction, but in any case can not reach.