Lao Wang found a thief downstairs who was tinkering with his wife's electric car, and Lao Wang stepped forward and asked: What? Can't open it? The thief was startled at first, and then calmly said: Yes, my wife's electricity

Lao Wang found a thief downstairs who was tinkering with his wife's electric car, and Lao Wang stepped forward and asked: What? Can't open it? The thief was shocked at first, and then calmly said: Yes, my wife's electric car can't be opened, Lao Wang smiled and said, what? Locks can't be pried open? Do you need help? Thief listen, are you a person in the channel? Lao Wang said: No, I am your wife's original match.

2 Yesterday a female colleague called me to go shopping, the night view is very good, we went from 8 o'clock to 10 o'clock, she said: "Brother, I am hungry!" "I ignored it, she said shopping and not eating, so I brought money. Then it was 11 o'clock and she said, "Brother, I'm sleepy, there's a hotel in front!" "She was talking about shopping, so I didn't bring any money, but fortunately I still had thirty-three dollars, and I called a rental on the side of the road and sent her home." Then, I continued to watch the night scene alone, and I did not expect that the third-tier town was also beautiful. When I got home, I found that my female colleague had left me a message: "Idiot! "She's stupid, she wants to go to the hotel to eat, why don't you say it earlier, I can't find someone to borrow money!"

3 The girlfriend and boyfriend have been talking for almost two years and have been getting along well. On this day of dating, the boyfriend suddenly said to her: Honey, let's break up. My girlfriend cried and said: Why break up, where did I do not do well? The boyfriend said: I'm afraid my parents know. The girlfriend slapped him angrily and said: You scumbag, I am not afraid of my husband to know, what are you afraid of!

4 During the May Day holiday, I didn't go out with my husband at home for a day. I accidentally hurt my finger when I was busy cutting vegetables in the kitchen, shouting for my husband to find Band-Aids, and my husband rushed to the kitchen first: there is no iodine at home, first sprinkle some salt to disinfect it! Looking at his serious expression, he said: Husband, do you want to sprinkle some cumin powder again, and roast it again with fire! These two goods actually came to a sentence: he did not like to eat pig's trotters with cumin. Looks like I should consider getting a washboard!

5 In the morning, because of some trivial things, I quarreled with my wife. The moment I closed the door and came out, I was clearly aware of my mistake. When I came home at night, I wondered in my heart whether my daughter-in-law was still angry and whether she wanted to fight the cold war. When I got home, I found her not there, opened the door and saw the scene in front of me, and I had tears flowing... How virtuous woman, the messy home in the morning was cleaned up by her, and she did not even leave me a piece of furniture and appliances.

6 Grandpa is not old, and now they are 89 years old and still raising pigeons, and I calculate every day when I will fatten and eat meat. Today I saw a cat on the roof of the house, creeping forward to catch pigeons. I quickly took out the long-treasured slingshot, picked up a stone, aimed at the cat's head and shot it. Not planning well, the pigeon fell in response, and the cat pounced on the pigeon. At this moment, I felt as if I saw the cat's defiant smile!

7 A friend of mine is very thin, once came back early from a business trip, found that there was movement at home, and his wife opened the door for a long time, and her expression was unnatural. Without saying a word, I directly took a chain to lock the wardrobe, sat on the bed and played with the mobile phone for two days, and let my wife not go out no matter how she was spoiled. During the period, all kinds of takeaways did not go out, and after two days of opening the counter, all kinds of violent beatings, and the other party did not even have the strength to fight back

8 The company had to work overtime on the Qingming Festival, and the brother-in-law wanted to see his girlfriend, so he lied that his father had died and wanted to go back to the grave. The manager reluctantly allowed the leave, the brother-in-law stole joy, and went to find a girlfriend after shutting down. At night, the old man could not get through the brother-in-law's phone, so he called the company! As soon as the phone was answered, the manager asked, "Who are you?" The old man: "I am Li Xiaoming's father, why didn't he bring me money?" The manager's face turned pale: "Uncle, he has taken a leave of absence to go home and burn money for you..." The old man: "Yes, it's great, you are welcome to come to my house to play!" The manager collapsed: "Ah ~ Uncle, I will not go, do not go!" ”

9 My ex-boyfriend and I have been breaking up for several years, today there is a call from him on the phone, I was still very surprised, the mood is also very complicated, I don't know whether to answer well or not, today I don't know if this will notify me to reminisce, or notify him to get married? Or did he ask me to borrow money? At that time, my heart was very contradictory, but I still answered it hard, but before I could speak first, his voice came from the other side of the phone: "Hello, your courier, please go downstairs to pick it up." ”

10 units issued overalls, and everyone lined up to try on clothes in the locker room. At this time, the phone rang, Xiao Liu answered the phone, and when he listened, he was looking for Sister Ma.

Xiao Liu waved the overalls in his hand and asked his colleagues on the side: "Is Sister Ma dead?" ”

The colleague on the side replied, "Well, I just died."

At this time, I only listened to the end of the phone and asked in surprise: "Mom, what a disease, I died after not seeing her one day." ”

11 I am a single man in the company, after work today, when I was preparing to pack up my things and go home, a female colleague came to me and begged me: Can I pretend to be my boyfriend to cope with the marriage urging at home. Looking at the eager, expectant gaze of female colleagues, I couldn't find any excuse to refuse, so I simply agreed.

After dinner, her father called me to the room, and then took out a bank card of one million and handed it to me, I immediately understood her father's meaning, so I took the card and said: Uncle, I understand what you mean, starting tomorrow, I will disappear in front of your daughter. Her father said: Silly child, I mean this million is a deposit for you to marry my daughter, and you must treat my daughter well in the future, and you can't bully her. You have already received a bank card and you can't regret it. While holding my bank card in my hand, thinking about my female colleague of 180 pounds, I was suddenly a little overwhelmed 

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