1, last night to socialize, drank all night of wine. Feel particularly bored and wait until you get home. I hurried to take a shower and go to bed. Holding my wife's warm body, I couldn't help but sigh: Oh, still

1, last night to socialize, drank all night of wine. Feel particularly bored and wait until you get home. I hurried to take a shower and go to bed. Holding my wife's warm body, I couldn't help but sigh: Hey, it's better to hold my wife... Just finished speaking, suddenly feel that this word seems to be a little wrong Alas, do not say, say more is tears! Until now, I still kneel on the washboard!

2, homework done for a long time, turn on the radio, a gentle voice came out: "If the skin color is pink, the fluff on the face is fine and soft, then it means very healthy" Hearing this, I touched my face, looked at the mirror, and looked healthy and lovely. At this time, I heard the announcer say: "Well, listeners, friends, this time our "Pig Raising Knowledge Lecture" is here." ”

3. On that day, a brother introduced me to a blind date. He told me the girl didn't like meat, and I thought to myself that she must be skinny. Until after the meeting, I was stunned for a while, and I saw a big fat girl walking towards me. I said, "You're in the wrong place, haven't you?" She said: "How can I go wrong, are you that Li Mou." I nodded, then asked her, "You really don't eat meat?" She said; "Yes, I don't eat meat. Then I thought to myself: "The so-called fat man does not eat meat?" Still fat like this? "As a result, I ordered a table of dishes, and after a while, the girl actually finished eating??

4, the last time I drank alcohol, I met the traffic police to check drunk driving, scared half to death. There was no way to blow on the scalp. The wine detector immediately dripped and screamed. I thought I was going to die this time. The traffic police shouted at me: "What is the walking blow, let me roll away." "Sister, I drank too much, I also encountered this situation, I went back and drove to the traffic police!" alas! Needless to say, I am still waiting for my wife to deliver lunch. ”

5. Friends. Ask. My 8p broke two corners today. I plan to change an external screen and find the 120 original screen that my friend said. Then another friend said that no original screen is assembled. Should I change it? Friends help to give some advice

6. Because he fell in love with the chairman's daughter, he was fired from the original company. After I lost my job, I applied everywhere and ended up working in a small company. When I arrived at the company today, I received a V letter from the female team leader, saying that I would help her take a leave of absence. I asked in passing: What's the matter with you??? She said: I can't say a word or two, so I'll go back and talk to you in detail. I said amusedly: Haha, are you pregnant with a baby??? She didn't get back to me, she must have been angry, after all, she already had two children.

7, every time I watch the kind of treasure hunting program on TV, I am upset, why other people's homes have that kind of ancestral treasure, my family does not have. Finally, one day, I went to ask my father if there were any ancestral treasures in our family, only to see my father bring me a mirror to see. Then he said to me, son, the ugliness of our family is ancestral.

8, playing mahjong to live for decades to know that the most beautiful flower in the world is to carry the flowers; the most beautiful lake in the world is to touch the lake; the happiest person in the world is to seek all the people; the world's strongest production team is the seven squads; the most beautiful color in the world is blue and one color

9, when you are getting more and more beautiful, naturally someone pays attention to you. As you become more and more capable, it is natural that someone will look up to you. Change yourself, you have self-confidence, dreams will slowly come true. Be the best version of yourself, laziness can ruin a person, diligence can inspire a person! Don't wait for the sun to set before you say to yourself, think about the beginning, if, if, or whatever! Not for others, just for being a person who even envies himself

10, just saw a face perfect proportion of the standard, secretly took a ruler to measure, and then excitedly said: my face shape ratio is the most perfect, fully in line with the standard! My colleagues didn't believe it, and Xiao Zhang, who was closest to me, looked up and nodded to everyone: she was comparing men's standards!

11, girlfriends have been promoted, become their boss's assistant, and are one step closer to the dream of being a rich wife! I asked my girlfriend, "Is your boss handsome?" The girlfriend said: "Handsome, the most handsome in our company." I said, "Do you talk when you go to work?" The girlfriend said: "I never take the initiative to talk to the boss." I said, "Why?" The girlfriend said: "You fool, if you talk, the lady boss will transfer me away!" "Me:"

12, later understand a truth, the right person. It's not the people you're desperately trying to catch up with, it's the people who pull you along when you're tired. Marrying a wife and marrying a virtuous person does not marry sex, and marrying a person does not marry a rich person. The most expensive thing for women is to keep to themselves, and the most expensive thing for men is to keep a woman alone.

13, today my husband took an orange peeling and handed it to me, the 9-year-old son saw it and said, Daddy give it to me, Daddy give it to me. My husband said: First to my mother, she is my wife. The son replied: I am your dearest person, and you are not related by blood.

14, after work tonight, I said to my wife that I work overtime at the company. In fact, about a few colleagues to play mahjong, one night down the result of my family win three lose, and then the daughter-in-law called to check the post, the most miserable loss of the female colleague deliberately shouted on my phone: add clock. The strength deduction lost the lady and folded the soldiers, this time it was the loss of both people and money.