1, my sister and I are twins, she is afraid that my brother-in-law will make us both mistaken, take me to get a tattoo, tattoo a flower on the thigh, today after work to sit down at home, the brother-in-law hugged me: "Little sister-in-law, want sister."

1, my sister and I are twins, she is afraid that my brother-in-law will make us both mistaken, so she took me to get a tattoo, tattooed a flower on my thigh, and just sat down when I got home from work today, my brother-in-law hugged me: "Little sister-in-law, do you want your brother-in-law to be?" I said with a serious face: "Husband, I also have a flower tattooed on my thighs, and my legs are tattooed, so I am afraid that you will make a mistake," After finishing the matter, I said: "Brother-in-law, in fact, I am a sister-in-law, I just teased you!" The sister outside the door was shouting: "Husband, I'm back, is the rice cooked?"

2. During the family talent show, the wife performed a period of Daiyu funeral flowers. I praised: "It is as if I saw two Lin Daiyu, one similar to the shape and one like a god." The two are combined into one, both form and god, perfect! The wife asked, "How does it not feel like a compliment?" The son said, "Dad, this means you're fat!" ”

3, after dinner tonight, my daughter-in-law sat on the sofa and played with her mobile phone, and my son and I did housework. At that time, I whispered to my son, "If your father and mother have a second child, do you want a younger brother or a younger sister?" The son immediately replied, "Of course it's a younger brother." So I asked, "Why?" When I didn't expect it, my son said: "If my brother can still help the two of us do housework, is it the younger sister or let's do housework?" 4, before marrying the daughter-in-law, the mother-in-law lion opened her mouth: "If you want to marry my daughter, there is no 500,000, there is no way!" Me: "We've cooked raw rice to maturity, she's pregnant with my child, asking for money, no way!" "After half a year of marriage, I couldn't stand my daughter-in-law's laziness and domestic violence, and I wanted to divorce her. I found my mother-in-law: "It's 500,000, you go and convince your daughter to divorce me!" Mother-in-law: "This is the price of marriage, divorce 1 million!" "Me:"

5, the boss is a wife strict management, usually by the boss lady management of the fart do not dare to put. Yesterday at the factory dinner, the boss lady was annoyed by the boss, threw down a harsh word and left: "Tonight I don't want the old lady to open the door for you!" Today the boss went to work, deliberately showing off to us, he only said four words the boss lady opened the door: "Your courier!" ”

6, brothers party, a brother from graduation to Shanghai to work hard, in the blink of an eye more than six years. He said: "Mixed up badly, I hope my brothers will sponsor me a thousand and eight hundred, I'll go back to my strong face and pay you back next year!" The qi froze for a moment, and they all pushed that there was no money, so I pulled out all the hundred yuan bills: "What is not returned, you take it and use it!" "After the scene, the buddies left, and a group of people surrounded me and said I was stupid. A bunch of unrighteous ones, can I tell you that I saw the maserati key in his pocket?

7, recently a female man friend confessed to a buddy: "That, that, I like you." The buddies were not happy at that time: "I have always regarded you as a brother, but you are here to spoil and sell cuteness to me!" Female: "The old lady wants to deal with you, do you have any opinions?" Male: "No... No opinion, all listen to you! 8. The brother-in-law returned from studying abroad by plane. When I got home, I saw my mother-in-law playing mahjong with my sisters, so I had no choice but to cook my own food. The brother-in-law asked her mother-in-law, "How much rice do you want to wash?" The mother-in-law was concentrating on playing mahjong without hearing the brother-in-law's question, and while playing the cards in her hand, she said: "Nine barrels!" As a result, the family ate that pot of rice for half a month.

9) "You said you came back so late!" Turning left and right is like a flapjack, can you still let people sleep" The husband said calmly: "Wife, why do you say I can't sleep?" Is it insomnia" I got up, calmly opened the large wardrobe of the bedroom, and my husband began to snore instantly

10, just went downstairs to eat hot dry noodles, see the god and god boss has a god dialogue as follows: "Boss, a bowl of hot dry noodles, more onions, more peppers, more vinegar, more sesame paste, more noodles." "Brother, you just said you want two bowls of sass."

11, a mother is putting on a quilt cover, the daughter and her son are wrapping reamers in the kitchen, suddenly the son shouted: "Mom, the dumpling skin is almost gone, what to do?" Mom replied, "Then make another noodle!" After a while, the girlfriend shouted: "Mom, the dumpling filling is not enough, what to do?" Mom replied, "Then chop some more stuffing!" "After a while, the dumpling skin is gone, but there is still a large filling left. Mom got angry and said, "You two are so stupid, if I hadn't put myself in a duvet, I would have killed you two idiots!" ”

12, some time ago, just bought a new car. On Christmas Day, I took my girlfriend out to play, and my girlfriend got into my car and sprayed perfume there. I said, "Can you not spray perfume?" I am allergic to perfume. My girlfriend listened, fried and said, "Why did you spray a perfume on this battery car?" Still smelly? 13, Tian Xiaozhuang said: "The ancient imperial examination sounds really pornographic, show talent, you have a figure, you come to show; lift people, people who can lift; Jinshi, come in and you are stunned what to do; Yuanyuan, strong and round first place!" I smiled and asked, "According to what you said, what is the matter with the list of probing flowers?" Tian Xiaozhuang said twice, "Since ancient times, the emperor was a good man." ”

14, and mm together in the watching the case-solving TV series, when the real murderer is about to surface, it is gone. mm said, "Do you know how to identify the real culprit?" I thought about it: "Then you need to prove that Ae mm" mm: "No, no, like me, lying flat, the chest collapsed and evenly spread, is the real chest." ”