01
The relationship between husband and wife is inseparable from the influence of the family behind both parties.
Whether it is an unreasonable in-laws or a mother-in-law who blindly asks for it, it will cause a gap between husband and wife.
The heroine in the next case was ruined by her own mother.
Lily was born in a patriarchal family, and she had a hard time working, and her income was asked by her mother to save the dowry money.
Lily is not a rural hukou, and the family lives in a village in the city. My parents had no ability, and they had been small workers all their lives, and although the economic conditions were not good, they still had to have a son.
The son has been accustomed to talking since he was a child, and high school is also a private school that his parents borrow money to buy. For the sake of this younger brother, Lily did not subsidize financially.
Soon, Lily was twenty-five and it was time to get married.
The mother not only privately entrusted people to look for the golden turtle and son-in-law everywhere, but also explained to Lily that she was not allowed to know poor acid ghosts in society.
She pointed to this daughter and took the whole family to live a good life.
However, the conditions in Lily's family are very general, and many matchmakers look embarrassed when they hear that they have a younger brother.
Privately, they said, "Hey, that Lily's mother wanted me to find a big sum for her daughter, and you don't understand what you mean." Isn't this just looking for a wronged head to raise his family boy, now no matter whether men or women hear that there is a younger brother, turn their heads and leave, who is stupid ~?"
Hearing everyone's schadenfreude laughter, they all took Lily's mother's dream as a joke.
Although Lily's mother did not make progress, Lily knew the person she liked.
The object Prince Jie is her colleague, and Lily is also a local, with a car and a house. The annual income from work is at the local level.
Lily was already content with such conditions, and it was important that the two were in love.
Secretly in love for more than a year, I dared to tell my mother about the situation.
Lily's mother was also a little disheartened after experiencing fruitless blind dates. Although this Zhang Zijie condition is not a large amount, it is also OK.
So, with the permission of their parents, the two had a wedding ceremony not long after. The bride price was given according to the basic level of the local area, but Lily's mother did not bring back her daughter, and the dowry only had some worthless quilts and pots.
After marriage, Zhang Zijie really began to contact Lily's family. In the beginning, the two went to their mother-in-law's house every other week to rub rice.
During the meal, Lily's mother made a strong dish and asked her son to toast her brother-in-law.
This is not a toast Lily's mother said: "Xiao Zhang, my mother told you something, her brother is not angry, going to a private school for more than eight thousand a semester, you see that you are about to start school again to pay fees, I and your father are thrifty or not enough, do you see you helping five thousand lines?" ”
At this time, Prince Jie was a little embarrassed, and he wanted to say that the bride price given by the marriage was not still there, but then it would offend the mother-in-law.
I could only promise to come down, and when I returned home, I transferred five thousand to my wife.
Thinking that this matter was over, as a result, every week I went back to dinner, and my mother-in-law had a new reason to ask for money for hundreds and thousands.
Slowly, Zhang Zijie was very disgusted to go to dinner and pushed off several times with busy work.
Lily here knows that her husband is unhappy, and privately told her mother several times not to always ask for money to subsidize her brother.
Every time I said it, my mother would say loudly, "I am your mother!" You gave me money for granted, and when you first got married, you elbowed out. I told you that your brother is in charge, otherwise you would be unworthy and filial piety! ”
Lily couldn't argue with her mother at all, and she couldn't break off her relationship with her mother, so she was kept nibbling by her mother.
Zhang Zijie's side, because of his outstanding work, was promoted and raised in the unit. After this news was known to the mother-in-law, it caused family conflicts.
The mother-in-law, on the pretext of celebrating her son-in-law's promotion, let the two go home for dinner. But as soon as Zhang Zijie heard about eating, he had a headache.
But a promotion and a raise is a fact, and it is not good not to go. As a result, the mother-in-law at the dinner table refreshed his cognition again.
After three rounds of drinking, the mother-in-law praised her son-in-law for her future and ability, and her daughter would not suffer if she followed him.
Then he said, "Zi Jie, there is something you must help your brother with." He didn't know who he learned to play slot machines with, and he borrowed thousands of people before and after, afraid that he would have an accident, and this money had to be repaid quickly. ”
When Zhang Zijie heard that he was asking for money again, his heart was very hot, and he didn't say anything at the dinner table.
After returning home, I couldn't help but argue with Lily: "There is something wrong with your family!" Am I a printing press, asking for hundreds of thousands of dollars every time. And your brother, who didn't get into trouble! You tell your mom I don't have any money! ”
Lily also angrily quarreled with her husband, no matter how to say that it was also her family, who could hear such words.
The two quarreled for a week after the Cold War, and their feelings were not as good as before.
A week later, Lily took the initiative to talk to her husband, but in exchange for her husband was indifferent and did not say anything.
The woman's intuition made her feel that the premonition was not good, and indeed found female hair on her husband's coat.
Her heart was suddenly like being pulled by someone, and she didn't dare to stretch out without telling anyone.
It was almost the New Year, and she didn't have the heart to prepare the New Year goods. The husband said that the unit had something to do and spent the New Year on a business trip in the field.
She didn't know if it was true or not, and she could only think wildly at home.
At this time, the mother called again: "Lily ~ New Year's Day, you and your son-in-law came to your mother's house for Chinese New Year's Eve meal and prepared a large table." ”
Lily said weakly, "Mom, your son-in-law has been eaten by you, so let me go." ”
After hanging up the phone, she made a decision to wait for her husband to come back and make it clear.
After returning, Zhang Zijie filed for divorce, and Lily was physically and mentally exhausted.
The two divorced like this, and Lily's mother was still at home trying to figure out how to get her daughter and son-in-law to the house and have another meal...
In the case, Lily was ruined by her mother, but in fact, she herself has an unshirkable responsibility. This tells us to understand the following two principles of conjugality after marriage.
02
One: Remember not to be greedy in any relationship.
Being independent and self-conscious is the way to get along with each other.
But there are not a few people in life who desire unearned gains.
Whether it is taking advantage of strangers or exploiting relatives and friends, this type of person does everything to the extreme.
In the end, the people around them avoided it, and the family was also restless.
For example, Lily's mother in the case blindly took her daughter's son-in-law's money to supplement her son. In the end, the daughter's marriage was broken up, and there was irreparable emotional harm between mother and daughter.
She rightfully believed that it was natural to ask her daughter for money.
But she did not understand that no relationship should be greedy, even if it was a biological mother and daughter.
Whether the relationship is intimate or not, the way to get along is to pay attention to a principle of mutual giving.
Don't just ask for it without knowing it. In the long run, any relationship will gradually deteriorate in the cold.
At that point, there will only be deep hurt and great shadows between you.
No matter who you are around, whether you are a relative or a loved one, it is our hard-won fate to meet.
Don't let this feeling disappear in greed and selfishness.
03
Second: The feelings of husband and wife must remember not to be overdrawn.
Love is something more exciting than marriage, and marriage is a more stable substance than love.
Marriage is stable because it is not just a piece of paper that gives two people legal protection.
It is also the determination and proof of working together.
When a man and a woman change from a couple to a couple, it is destined to have something more between the two.
Because you are husband and wife, you should have more tolerance and trust in each other.
Because you are relatives, you will infiltrate each other's original families and do your part.
But don't these precious marital friendships need to be maintained?
No, it is precisely because of these precious that each other needs to be cherished more. You can't act arbitrarily, or even overdraft.
Lily in the case did not want to lose her marriage, but when her mother's family was committing misconduct, she did not choose to stop it in time and cut off the evil root cause.
She simply indulged her mother's behavior in desperation. Let her and her husband's feelings be consumed again and again in her own inaction.
In the end, she could only watch her husband leave her.
Sometimes it is difficult for feelings to hold on to the test of time, and knowing the secrets of human nature can maintain a good relationship with each other.
Sometimes there is no need for too many protective measures between husband and wife, just come up with some unshakable determination at a critical moment.
04
When you have a troublesome birth family in your marriage.
Try to keep your distance and firmly reject unreasonable requests when necessary.
If you can't be the first to escape from the wrong relationship.
Then prepare to spend your life in despair.
Text/No Pen