Someone said: "All relationships without a sense of boundaries will go to hurt, and every high-level relationship has a golden distance." ”
The sense of boundaries is the scale of people's interactions with each other, and people with high emotional intelligence will strictly abide by the boundaries and let each other's feelings have a free space for development.
Some people also think that when two people have a relationship, they can enter each other's lives, and even want to put the property of the two together, but they do not know that if the feelings are not in place, this way will only make the other party feel offside.
30-year-old Su Su, for her own marriage is very upset, she and her boyfriend fell in love for 5 years, the boyfriend has been promised to get married to buy a new house, but delayed again and again, now the marriage room has no hope, the eldest sister also stared at her own money, thinking that women should also pay for the marriage room, making her very depressed.
01. Marriage room, the obstacle of love
Su Su and Wen Hua are free love, both work in Shanghai, just to determine the relationship, Su Su proposed to buy a marriage house in Shanghai, even if it is smaller, at least have a home.
Wenhua thought about it for a moment and agreed, and his promise had some confidence, because the house in his hometown was going to be demolished, and there might be a compensation of 500,000 yuan.
But the demolition was only a guess, and it did not officially begin, and Wenhua could only put the promise on its lips and delay it again and again.
Su Su had a lot of trust in Wenhua at first, thinking that he was a sincere person, her family conditions were good, her parents had 2 suites, she worked in the magazine herself, the ease of life made her feel happy, usually keen to dress up, dress very fashionably.
The two have been in love for 5 years, Su Su has also reached the age of 30, becoming an older single woman in the eyes of many people, she is eager to enter marriage, have a stable home, and worry that if she delays any longer, it will be difficult to have children.
But Wenhua no longer mentioned the matter of buying a house, and every time Su Su asked, he procrastinated: "There is not enough money in his hand, the house has not been demolished, wait a minute." ”
Wenhua has no money is true, originally his income is not low, there are hundreds of thousands of wages every year, but he speculated in stocks under the influence of friends, all the funds were locked up, and he could not get a penny, originally expected the house demolition to get some money, but this matter was delayed, which made him very anxious.
Seeing that her boyfriend did not keep her promise, Su Su was disappointed, felt that she had paid wrongly, she wanted to give up her feelings and was reluctant to do so, plus her age was not small, and she spent the best youth in this relationship, leaving her in a dilemma.
Maybe Wenhua pinched her mentality, simply not in a hurry, anyway, the two live together, but there is one less wedding ceremony, he can afford to wait.
02. The participation of the eldest sister makes the feelings more complicated
For whether to buy a marriage house, the eldest sister has a completely different idea.
She believes that if the marriage house is to be bought, it should not be paid for by the man, and both parties can jointly fund it, just like herself, she did not buy a house when she got married, and her life after marriage was also very good.
The eldest sister even accused Su Su: "As a woman to be married, do you have a little sense of responsibility?" How much salary you pay each month, how much money you spend, if you really want to get married, you should learn to save money. ”
Su Su is very aggrieved, she thinks that she has never used her boyfriend's money, the work occasion needs to be fashionable, and she has never asked her boyfriend for expensive gifts, and she does not know what she has done wrong.
In the eyes of the eldest sister, the girl should be more virtuous, less material needs, since she likes a person, money should not only take care of their own spending, but should be diligent and thrifty, to help the man reduce pressure.
Sounds very reasonable, and when you think about it, it doesn't make sense.
First of all, before marriage, both parties are financially independent, each person has their own living habits, can save, but the man calculates the girl's money, it is a bit excessive.
Secondly, if the marriage room wants to be purchased with the woman, the boy needs to discuss with the girl in advance, rather than delaying it again and again, and when there is no way back, it is selfish to make this request.
Judging from the attitude of the man Wenhua, his dependence psychology is very heavy, that is to say, he has not been prepared to buy a house at his own expense from the beginning, but relies on the demolition of the old house, when this factor is uncertain, he puts his hopes on his parents, and his money is not planned, which is also the place where his sister criticizes.
The sister is afraid of the sister-in-law, the heartache is her parents, she does not want to let her parents live in embarrassment, unconsciously, let their behavior cross the line.
Many netizens saw the aggressiveness of the eldest sister, and it was difficult to accept, advising Su Su: "Break up quickly, meet such a strong big sister, and a cowardly boyfriend, the days after marriage can be imagined, why let yourself be in trouble." ”
Women with high emotional intelligence know how to plan their own lives, and the character of the man's family is more important than wealth.
03. Stop loss in time and be responsible for yourself
Someone on the Internet asked: "What kind of life can get better and better?" ”
There is a high praise below who replied: "Know how to stop loss in time." ”
No one can see through life at a glance, but the choices made at critical times will affect the direction of future life.
In love, what can give people a sense of security is not money, but a down-to-earth attitude towards life.
Let's look at Wenhua, he has no clear plan for the future, is the kind of 24 hours a day less than the encounter, in the case of his own can not come up with the money, parents can not help, he proposed to rent a house to get married.
Seeing this, we can understand why SuSu must insist on buying a house, because when a man can't show the results of his efforts, she wants a bottom line, even if it is a small house, so that life will not drift.
If you do not buy before marriage, have children and family expenses after marriage, according to Wenhua's living conditions, it is difficult to have your own house, and at that time, the house will become the focus of the husband and wife's quarrel.
Poor couples Pepsi lament, not without feelings, but hopelessness for the future, resulting in emotional anxiety.
Therefore, in the process of love, if you find that the other half is different from your values and has no positive attitude towards life, then it is better to stop the loss in time.
Girls have a lot of youth, and there is really no need to waste it for people who are not worth it.
When the sunk cost increases and the feelings are fruitless, the most uncomfortable person is the girl, and the man who has sworn to love you for the rest of his life will only stand on the side and look at you indifferently: "Want to marry me?" No house, no car, no savings, if you want, we can go together to work hard for the future. ”
Don't be funny, a person who is not responsible for his own life, how can he be responsible for you, if you meet a big sister who can't figure it out, no matter what you do, you will be blamed.
Wake up, love can drink water, marriage is chai rice oil salt sauce vinegar tea, know how to reject inappropriate people, in order to control their own life.