Wen/Lan Mama on parenting
I have seen this sentence is very touching: "Child, you don't need to be too good, as long as you are happy and healthy, even if you have been very ordinary", although this sentence is the original intention of countless parents to raise children, but the real life is indispensable to the cold window of hard reading of the seven points of hard work, those only happy, no sour and bitter children, in fact, from the growth and direction of life is not complete, if the child does not experience the first bitter and then sweet, the future life will be fragile, a small thing will be infinitely magnified, more irreparable harm.
Happiness is based on the sour and bitter sweet fruit harvest moment, those who have no experience on the worry-free happy children, in fact, behind each happiness stands to carry painful parents, this shelter from the rain seems to reduce the child's bitterness, in fact, it increases their dependence, if the future soaring alone can not bear the natural will fall more fiercely, and parents can give the best gift to the child is also on the basis of maintaining happiness, so that the child has more play, creative wisdom and ability to improve, Because wisdom and ability are the source of creating happiness!
★ Special attention should be paid to improving children's wisdom and ability≠ the fierceness of punishing those who do wrong
Speaking of children's ability to play and creative wisdom improvement, many parents who love deeply and are responsible have expectations for their children, such as endless questions, endless tutoring classes, nagging and urging, or endless criticism of picking and provoking, behind each "requirement" is for the good of the child, but the essence of education is not entirely ability cultivation, and the child's mental health education is also a problem that cannot be ignored.
If the seed of happiness is hope, then the child's hope is a drop of water for parents, but this drop of water is not only irrigation warm happiness and shelter, only by doing a good job as a parent, a teacher, a good person, can we give children healthy and happy, the ability to polish the full excellent training, of which the secret of the full excellent training is to step on the mistake to face, only after a thousand hammers" can have the wisdom and strength to break through difficulties.
Encourage children to bravely face setbacks in order to improve their ability to deal with things, but setbacks are not equal to abuse, improve children's wisdom and ability≠ do wrong things on the punishment of fierceness, compared to today's children who can not withstand setbacks, in fact, in addition to relying too much on the parents' ability to bear from childhood, some negative experiences in childhood are also easy to make children give up hope for life, such as parents do not understand, teacher criticism, classmates ridicule and so on.
How to manage children's shortcomings scientifically and effectively? Learning to take different coping methods for different problems is more effective than punishment, what the child usually "lacks", parents remember what to use to "make up", such as the following situations:
The first: procrastination
Often hear many parents complain that their children are "slower than the turtle", in fact, behind each drag or the child has encountered a problem, behind the lack of efficiency is also hidden in the child's victory and defeat, and anxiety, if we do not grasp the child's state in real time, understand the child's procrastination, then we look at the child's problems will naturally be rude, so the shortcomings of managing the child must first understand the child's procrastination.
How is it managed?
Communication aspect
√ changed "What's wrong with you" to "Can we talk about this?" - Understand
√ changed "Say you're good for you" to "Are you having any problems, can I help?" "- Care
√ changed "You understand and understand me" to "Don't worry, this time it's better than the last time, just work harder" - understand
√ changed "Hurry, hurry up" to "How long do you expect to be done" - urge
Aspects of life
√ provide a special independent space for children, so that children can improve their attention and no longer be distracted
√ the child sits in a correct posture with the child when he can't sit still until he is no longer writhing around
√ know how to manage their emotions and not shout at their children, and communicate quietly to understand effectively
√ improve children's learning ability, and concentrate and stimulate motivation through efficient work
In terms of punishment
√ don't spoil too much, you can help your child come up with ideas, but don't help your child do it
√ don't leave the planned things overnight, even if you go to bed later
√ limit time and hold children accountable for their actions
√ learning is inefficient or not active, let the child copy the text
√ is not right about things, and children should solve things on the basis of rubbing, and they should not be attacked verbally
The second: learning to be lazy
Speaking of children who are lazy in learning, the state of parents is often helpless, anxious or depressed, especially the parents of acute children often can't control their emotions, and may make some extreme behaviors to make children act, such as punishment, language violence, although it can play a certain profound shortcoming, but children who suffer from haze from childhood are easy to psychological distortion, excessive punishment is easy to inferiority and introversion, deny themselves or hate fate injustice, to know that excellent learning ability is not dependent on brushing how much, It is to maintain a positive learning motivation mentality.
Communicate effectively
√ "Recently, I have been slow to go to school, have I encountered any difficulties?"
√ "I understand that you are heavy on your studies every day, and when you are tired, you will take a break, and the planned time will be slowly and well."
√ "Child, learning this path is never simple, but you are not alone, mom and dad are also working hard"
√ "Reading is to learn and learn from time to time, if you do a summary of what you have learned once a day, I believe that the foundation is not bad"
Set goals
√ "Child, you are not lazy in learning, but you lack a planning goal"
√ "Don't be too entangled when you encounter a problem, you can pick up the simple first"
√ "Today's plan is almost complete, remember to set up an arrangement for tomorrow's goals."
√ "You have made progress at xx in this matter, you must continue to work hard and cheer!" ”
Take on awareness
√ when it is time to go to bed, let the child sleep, feel the time to cherish the present
√ child does not like to pack his school bag and do not force it, let him bear the consequences of falling books
√ allow children to keep pets and improve their overall attitude through a sense of responsibility
√ praise your child's sense of responsibility every time, such as not littering and helping animals cross the street
The third kind: do not like to speak
Children do not like to talk may be their lack of language and social communication, of which the way of education, or family background on the child's language environment is also greatly related, if the child does not love to speak will affect their learning and development, while in the social circle is also easy to be excluded, and pay attention to the child's all-round healthy development is naturally indispensable language social management, of which children do not love to talk when parents can not complain, usually from the social and chat aspects of the two aspects to improve language ability, I believe that the child's social awareness can be effectively improved.
Encourage your child to socialize
√ "I heard that the little girl in the neighborhood wants to be friends with you, do you want to give her a chance?"
√ "Child, your talent should not only be placed at home, rest assured to make friends boldly, I believe everyone will like you"
√ "Friend is a very interesting verb, you understand it, you know the fun in it"
√ "Your voice is very good, like an early morning kingfisher, very comfortable"
√ to 4 or 5 years of age, children are encouraged to shop independently, and improve social motivation through boldness and language skills
Chat with your kids every day
√ "What's New Happening At School" – Talk about School
√ "Not much homework today" - talk about homework
√ "What are we going to eat for dinner?" Give a suggestion" - Talk about food
√ "What's the itinerary for tomorrow" - talk about planning
√ "I hope later..." - Talk about the future
The fourth kind: scribble and throw
Graffiti children are bad for many parents, but children who like graffiti are basically in the stage of interest exploration at a relatively young age, this time to tell children too many big truths they naturally can not understand, want to effectively manage the child's scribble littering habits, then parents need to affect the child's will through some effective behavior output.
Provide independent space for children
√ littering may be a way for children to explore, allowing children to play freely within a limited space
√ provide children with a "personal creative" independent space, even if their own ideas are thrown around, they are not willing to destroy
√ do not oversatisfactory children's material needs, and cultivating children's habit of saving pocket money can enhance children's concept of cherishing things
Follow the rules of the family with your children
√ guide children to do it correctly, and items that cannot be scribbled can be classified with sticky notes
√ guide your child to remember to "finish" after doing one thing, such as scribbling and throwing it around, cleaning up the house and keeping things clean
Fifth: arrogant and overbearing
From the child's desire for independence, the principle of desire for freedom, arrogance is a kind of behavior of self-awareness, when the child realizes that he is at the same time as others, the child may create his own independent personality with the arrogant behavior, in fact, this is the child's lack of security, respect, or envy of some of the manifestations, in the case of children with independent consciousness to manage personality, we can manage from education, safety, and self-confidence.
Education - Cultivate children's sense of independence
√ allow children and children to play independently and improve their social skills
√ don't intervene when you encounter problems, and make suggestions for children to try to solve them on their own
√ listen carefully to the child's questions, understand the child's preliminary thinking, and guide the child to solve the problem independently
√ provide a separate space for children, children can have more opportunities to display their talents
Safe - Accompany children with high quality
√ things to put down when answering your child's questions, including looking at your phone
√ conditions permit, the child should be brought with him as much as possible
√ chat with your child for ten minutes before going to bed every day, so that your child will fall in love with communicating with mom and dad
√ don't promise your children easily, and once you make a promise, you must keep your word
√ family meetings invite children to participate, and when they agree, they can get more ideas for their children
Confidence - Change satisfaction to exchange
√ don't over-satisfy your child, what you want needs to be fought for by yourself
√ try to share the exchange with the child, so that the child can experience the fun of self-exchange
√ patient guidance, encourage children to play with children, and improve their desire to share
√ support children to "come by themselves", and they can be a little on the sidelines when they encounter things
Sukhomlinsky once said that "parents are the child's first teacher, if the child's vices are left unchecked, I don't know how much time it will take to "re-educate" in the future, which is a huge loss for the child, for the family and the school", and each child's growth problems are different, the wisest management of parents is to fully understand the child's ideas, and effective management in targeted understanding is more effective than blindly following the trend.
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I am Lan Ma, focusing on the analysis of the parenting field author, with personal examples, a variety of family education examples, to record the moment of parenting feelings, like friends, welcome to pay attention to @ Lan Mama talk about parenting together to learn and grow together!