What kind of education should be given to children so that they can develop a sound personality and a mentality that will benefit them for a lifetime?
The author of this book is Dr. Madeleine Levine, a psychologist with 40 years of experience.
She used a large number of first-hand cases to tell us that paying too much attention to children's studies and talents will only make children physically and mentally exhausted, and will not be able to adapt to the future society.
Parents' anxiety and high expectations will only ruin children, not education but oppression!
The society of the future will not only require professional knowledge, but also "soft skills", such as curiosity, creativity, collaboration, perseverance, etc.
Give children more freedom to learn in their daily lives, and naturally develop the core competencies they will need for the future.
Traditional ways of education
The traditional way of education is to let children enhance their learning skills through "hard learning", and take turns to participate in cram schools and extracurricular classes.
The children cultivated in this way have improved their academic performance, but there are frequent problems in other aspects: in the school stage, due to the high pressure all the time, children are prone to negative emotions such as depression, anxiety, and school boredom, and often have conflicts with classmates, teachers, and family members;
After entering the society, in the face of the change of environment from school to the workplace, children are not sure of their role positioning, the knowledge learned in the classroom in the past is not applicable to the workplace, and the social rules between adults are not in place, so there is a huge psychological gap, once they encounter setbacks, they are easy to jump down.
More and more facts and figures prove that it is not enough to focus on children's academic performance, but also to cultivate a positive and healthy attitude and the ability to grow for life.
Children's life is a dynamic process, and the future society also needs comprehensive talents with multiple abilities, if parents do not guide their children to prepare early, then it will be difficult for children to cope with future drastic changes.
Not only that, but in the increasingly fierce competition, everyone is under more and more pressure, and psychological problems are also emerging.
In the face of such a situation, if parents think that their children do not understand anything just because they are young, and thus ignore their children's mental health and personality building, it is easy to cause an imbalance in cultivation and even cause irreversible consequences.
Cultivate children's courage to face setbacks
"People must have the ability to be positive, and in the face of setbacks, blows, failures, and pain, they must be able to persevere, be able to bear, and be able to stand through."
Frustration is an emotional state, it is a declaration that refers to the nervous and negative emotional reaction that people are in the process of taking action to achieve a goal under the impetus of a certain motive, due to insurmountable obstacles and interferences, so that personal needs cannot be met and motivation cannot be realized.
The ability to resist setbacks, also known as adversity quotient, refers to the degree of stress that people can bear, the way they cope, and their ability to get out of trouble in the face of setbacks.
If a child can only accept good times and successes on the way to growth, and cannot bear a little setbacks and unpleasantness, then the problem is very serious.
Therefore, we need to let children experience some psychological "restraint and patience", exercise their ability to resist setbacks, and avoid them from losing their sense of self-worth when facing negative emotions.
1. Give your child the opportunity to experience failure
You need to make it clear to your children that there will be a variety of experiences in life, there will be a variety of results in competitions, there will always be losses and wins, as long as you continue to work hard, failure is only temporary, and temporary failure is the motivation for you to continue to move forward.
2. Identify with and help children channel their emotions
When children encounter setbacks, parents should accompany their children to face them together, and comfort their frustrations and insecurities in a timely manner, and provide emotional support and identify with their children's feelings.
The full love and understanding of parents is the inner strength of children in the face of setbacks.
3. Learn from experience and build self-confidence
Tell your child that in real life, no matter what setbacks they encounter, they must not lose faith. Only when a person learns from setbacks can he be full of self-confidence and not panic and collapse because of a momentary failure.
I have always believed that only when children have an optimistic, sunny and upward attitude can they effectively improve their self-efficacy and maximize their natural advantages.
Only when children have the ability to communicate, socialize and exchange with others can they adapt to society and promote social development and welcome a bright and beautiful future.
Agree with your child's views and ideas
Parents who like to observe will surely find that everything that their child likes to ponder and think about must be something that he is interested in, curious about, and actively wants to learn.
At this time, if parents can guide and inspire their children in a timely manner, let them understand and perceive the things they like, and transform their interests and hobbies into their own knowledge and skills in daily practice and practice.
Then we can say that the child has learned to think.
Whether it is reading or learning or hobbies, if you want to master and excel at it, you must understand and understand it through thinking and analysis.
If the child has achieved something about his hobbies, on the one hand, his own ability has been improved, and on the other hand, he has the "capital" to show off and show off in front of his friends and family, then when he encounters topics and questions about his interests and hobbies in the future, the child will stimulate a strong desire for knowledge and curiosity.
In this way, in the long run, the child's mastery of knowledge and skills, from interest to ability to habits, his thinking ability will definitely improve by leaps and bounds.
Children have novel ideas, parents should not deny the child, but allow the child to be different, because being unconventional is an important manifestation of cultivating thinking ability.
There is a mystery story that goes like this: there is a bridge across the river in an east-west direction, and it takes people 5 minutes to cross it.
In the middle of the bridge was a pavilion with a caretaker who came out every 3 minutes and when he saw someone passing, he would let him go back and not allow him to pass.
There was a clever man who came up with an ingenious way to cross the bridge from east to west, and after walking for two and a half minutes he turned his face and walked east, so that when the keeper came out, he was able to turn around and cross the bridge.
If you don't break the rules, you won't be able to cross the bridge anyway.
When encountering problems that are difficult to solve, parents should guide their children to think about the problem from a different way of thinking and perspective, and after reasonable analysis and sorting, and induction, they should conceive novel ways to solve the problem, which is very helpful for improving children's thinking ability.
Write at the end
In the face of a complex society and an uncertain future, parents are becoming more and more anxious.
This anxiety is more or less transmitted to the child, and the child's young mind does not bear this anxiety.
In the face of an uncertain future, it is necessary to return to the essence of nurturing. Help children eliminate the helplessness of growth and improve children's comprehensive ability.
Parenting choices, current benefits and future vision are another challenge for parents. It is necessary to change the traditional parenting model, so that children can have the core literacy to adapt to the future as soon as possible.
The future of the world is becoming more and more unpredictable, and the author relies on his own large amount of clinical data to summarize the perspective of child-rearing and full of wisdom for this era. I believe that all parents deserve this book.