In the process of children's growth, we are afraid that children will not be able to make friends, and we are afraid that children will make "bad friends".
The child has no friends, we worry about whether he has a personality problem; the child makes "bad friends", we want to forcibly interfere, and we are afraid of being blamed by the child.
I think that if I teach my child well, my child will be in a good position in the future, but the emergence of a "bad friend" may make my parents' hard work in vain.
Rudolf of Child Psychology once said:
"What we do know is that peer friendship does have a great influence on children, and at a certain age, it will even gradually exceed the influence of parents on children."
In the face of young children, we must not only pay attention to our own education, but also pay attention to the peers around the children.
A child's future depends not only on his parents, but also on his friends around him.
01, the influence of friends, much greater than you think
Some people will wonder, is the influence of friends so great? Will the child still have to rely on himself in the future?
Psychologist Piaget once said:
"Children are partners in a world where parents are partners. In the growth of children, the influence of peers is as important as the role of parents, even higher than the influence of parents. ”
If the classmates and friends around the child are lazy, do not love to learn, always like to peek at the novel in class, stay up late to play games, cheat on exams... Even if the child originally loved to learn, he may not last long and will be assimilated slowly.
Imitation is something that young children often do unconsciously.
Because they are afraid of being excluded, they will unconsciously imitate the dress style, speaking style, and behavior habits of the people around them, in order to obtain tickets to other people's "circle of friends".
In the circle of friends, when children realize that they are different from others, they will doubt whether they have done wrong, and they can't help but change themselves and make themselves "gregarious".
There is a question on Zhihu: Are there any people around who have been brought bad by their friends?
There was an answer at the bottom, and it was a mixed feeling in The boy's heart.
A girl who was originally quiet and gentle, and her grades were good, sat down with a group of classmates who did not like to study.
As their relationship became better and better, the girls were gradually influenced, became sluggish in their studies, and later, at their instigation, interacted with a very social classmate.
Finally, her grades dropped again and again, she failed the middle school exam, and she did not enter high school.
After rejecting the high school that the teacher asked her to pay the school choice fee, she chose to go to vocational high school with her boyfriend.
But after two months of high school, she dropped out.
We don't know if one day the girl will have regrets.
However, no parent can accept that their originally good children will regret it for life because of the influence of others.
"Bad friends" really affect the growth of children.
02, the level of friends determines the quality of children's lives
After reading a sentence, I think it makes a lot of sense:
First-class friends talk about dreams, second-rate friends talk about careers, third-rate friends talk about things, and fourth-rate friends talk about right and wrong.
The level of friends determines the quality of a child's life.
One mom shared that her child was particularly lucky to meet a group of particularly good friends.
The children met a lot of friends of the same age in a Go class, and they set up a group, in addition to sharing some chess skills and game videos, they would also exchange learning experiences with each other.
Whenever there is a difficulty in learning, the child will ask friends in the group, and other children will also enjoy the fun of being a "teacher" and will patiently answer.
The child was originally very shy and shy, usually the grades were mediocre, but under the leadership and help of this group of friends, the personality became more and more confident, and the results became better and better, and once the final exam also took the fifth place in the class, which was greatly praised by the teacher.
Helping each other and supervising each other is a high-level friend suitable for children, not to pull children to fall, but to use wisdom to pull children together towards a better self.
High-level friends can change the trajectory of a child's life and make it more perfect.
Low-level friends, however, may "pit" the child fiercely and make him depressed for life.
A netizen said that she once had a friend, and at the beginning both of them had good grades and were good seedlings in the eyes of the teacher.
But that friend because of her beautiful appearance, a few rich and greedy "latecomers" often invited her to play, so slowly, that friend also learned a lot of their habits, more and more love of beauty, more and more perfunctory to study, and netizens gradually reduced their intersection.
Later, in the college entrance examination, they could not even pass the three books, but the group of "latecomers" had already arranged to study abroad because they had money, and they did not have to worry about the future at all. Only the good-looking friend, the family conditions are average, finally had to go to a cooking school, and later became a helper cook, around the kitchen.
Within two years, the friend married and had a baby with the blind date under the arrangement of the family, and the circle of friends sent some sentimental sentences every day.
At this time, this netizen is reading well in a heavy book, actively participating in various school competitions, meeting many excellent friends, and enjoying the colorful youth.
Netizens said that every time they think of that friend, they feel very sorry, once such a beautiful girl, life is so fast to go downhill.
Therefore, what level of friends a person is around almost determines the quality of her future life.
High-level friends benefit people for life, and low-level friends are not shallow.
03, increase vigilance, let children stay away from "poisonous friendship"
Friends are certainly important, but friendships with "poison" are still not good.
However, when helping children stay away from or end the "poisonous friendship", we must pay attention to methods and cannot interfere roughly, otherwise it will be counterproductive.
So, what should we do?
Understand your child's inner appeal
The reason why the once popular TV series "The Hidden Corner" and the bully Zhu Chaoyang blackened is that he can't feel love in his original family, and he is too eager for love, so he will treat them as good friends after knowing the marginal teenagers Yan Liang and Pupu, and finally under their influence, step by step.
If he could get enough love from his original family, he might not be so easily biased by others.
As parents, we should pay more attention, understand the psychological demands of children, and reflect on the usual education process, are we missing something?
Is there too much restriction on children? Isn't it enough to care about the child? Is the child having something on his mind?
When the "loophole" of the child's psychological needs is filled, he will no longer ask for it from the outside world.
Make your child aware of the problem
Any change begins with self-awareness, and children are no exception.
So, the first step in helping a child is to make the child realize that this is a problem. At this time, it can be guided by chat.
For example, when chatting with your child, you can ask: Why does your friend always say that you can't do a good job, and does she always get along with her friends like this?
Or: Every time you play together, he wants you to listen to him. Do you like him to do that?
By listing the facts, help the child sort out his thinking, let the child realize that he is "being degraded" and "ordered", and thus judge whether the friendship should continue.
Remember: you can't replace your child's socializing, but be sure to teach him how to recognize true friends.
Teach children to stay away from "poisonous friendship"
When the child has decided to leave this friend, the most difficult part of the matter has been completed.
Next, we can work with the child to develop an "evacuation" plan to help the child get out of the control of the poisonous friendship smoothly.
For example, you can use a gradual way to carry out cold treatment, by gradually reducing the time together, to slowly dilute the concentration of friendship, so that toxic friendships will fend for themselves.
The other child, who is accustomed to giving orders from above, will certainly not be willing to whisper to save the "little follower" in his eyes, and this friendship will be slowly abandoned by him.
Expose your child to more positive circles of friends
Many times, the reason why the child is looking for friends in the garbage heap may be because he really can't find other friends, at this time, he needs the help of his parents to let the child contact more positive circle of friends.
Take your child to sign up for some art training classes, let the child learn a skill while meeting more new friends, or take the child to study and study, let the child contact friends from all over the world in the process, find friends who are in harmony, is a good way.
With self-disciplined people, children will not fall; with positive and optimistic people, children will not become mediocre and uninteresting.
True friends are an indispensable part of a child's life, and a high-quality circle of friends is a fertile ground for children's growth.
No child can be 100% perfect, but what parents have to do is to let their children contact more and better partners and achieve a better self.
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