Do you know how humble some children are in order to make friends?
The other day, a friend described a scene to me that made my heart break:
One day I went to pick up my son to play ball, and I saw my son lying in the middle of a group of children learning puppy barking, and everyone said that he didn't play a puppy, so he wouldn't play with him. My heart was broken at that moment...
The world of children is not always so simple, there are bullying, bullying, exploitation, jealousy and so on...
My family's mini bag, a small warm man with social, has encountered a similar situation.
Because of the fear that the mini bag would become a flattering personality, I also had a good conversation with him about making friends, allowing him to slowly alienate himself from this "poisonous friendship".
Encouraging children to make friends is important, but to destroy a child, it only takes one "friend to lose".
In any case, don't let your child find friends in the "garbage heap".
Poisoning friendship is more terrible than early love
Does the friendship between children really have that much impact on children?
Psychologist Piaget once said:
Children's "childhood has two worlds", one is the world of parents and children interacting, and the other is the world of peers.
Peer groups play an equally or even more important role in a child's development as parents.
We have an old saying that goes like this: Near Zhu is red, and near ink is black.
Children are naturally easy to adapt to the environment, contact with people in addition to their parents are companions, in the place where parents can not see, how their personality is formed is actually quite a part of the depends on who they play with.
Lu Dawson, a 25-year-old photographer who committed suicide a while ago, complained word by word about the bullying of his classmates in his suicide note, causing himself indelible harm forever.
The negative and negative effects of "toxic" friendships on children are far more serious than the early love we fear.
How do you tell which friendships are "poisonous friendships"?
Dr. Alan Leonard of the United States summarized these characteristics:
Children are often unhappy or even cry
Self-confidence is languishing
Lose interest in previously enjoyed activities
In order to make friends happy, blindly please each other
Ridiculed and despised
The ideas that are put forward are always not taken seriously
There has been no progress in a friendship
The idea of disgusting yourself was generated
Children's friendships always come suddenly, and our responsibility as parents is to guide our children.
Let them know which friends are worth making deeply and which friends just need to nod their heads.
Child, you have the right to terminate any relationship
The boat of friendship is sometimes not so easy to turn over.
Especially for good children who are born with excessive empathy, even if they feel uncomfortable, they will be easily "morally kidnapped" to carefully maintain so-called friendships.
But this is actually a very dangerous signal.
Teacher Li Songwei, a psychologist in "Round Table Pie", said:
"It is often the people who are PUA who have received higher education, and modern civilized higher education always tells people to break out of their comfort zone and accept those things that make people feel painful."
Humans are born with the instinct to seek advantage and avoid harm, and feeling uncomfortable is that the brain is telling you to stay away.
But today's children are taught to be too "sensible" and deliberately confront this nature.
So, tell your child:
When they feel wronged, they cry loudly;
When attacked, fight back;
Feel uncomfortable in a relationship and can take the initiative to leave...
Terminate a friendship that makes you feel uncomfortable without any moral stress.
Good friendships are the ones who can make you feel full of energy and happiness, and the people who will only make you sad and cry and self-doubt are not the "best people" for your good friends.
Guidance is more useful than interference
See here, do you also have such a question:
Can you directly help your child "screen" the circle of friends and prevent children and "bad children" from playing?
My advice is: preferably not!
After being a mother for so many years, I can more and more appreciate the meaning of the phrase "parental love is a decent exit".
Our children will always slowly have their own social circles, their own little secrets, and our parents will never be able to create a "vacuum environment" for them.
If you are not careful, you may also stimulate the child's rebellious psychology.
Instead of grossly interfering, it is better to improve the child's "social immunity", teach the child to think independently, see the essence of things, and then introspect their own dating circles.
Like my two little bags every time they make "bad friends", I see them as an opportunity to grow.
The famous philosopher Jaspers wrote in his What is Education: "The essence of education means that a tree shakes a tree, a cloud pushes a cloud, and a soul awakens a soul. ”
A qualified parent is to teach your child how to screen this tree, this cloud, this soul.