Unconditional Love: Gentle and firm. Have you set these principles for your child?

When the child is underage, some principles in the family are set by the parents, and the parents, as the guardians, should let the children know that the parents are responsible for you who are not yet adults, so there are many things that need to be done with the consent of the parents. I can discuss with you, I can let you choose, but you must respect the opinions of your parents, because parents are your guardians, which is a bottom line of the family, so as to avoid power struggles in the family. Many families have not established a concept on this point, which will lead to "who has the loudest voice, who has the final say", or "who is more ruthless, who is more reliant, who has the final say". This one doesn't work

However, parents must not abuse their power, and they will raise this banner at every turn, saying, "Legally speaking, I have the final say, so you shut up now!" "If a parent is reduced to the need to rely on the law to protect authority at home, it proves that you have not established authority in the family." Therefore, we cannot abuse our power.

As a parent, do you have enough flexibility, do you have the way of thinking that Confucius said that "nothing is indispensable". There are many ways to solve a problem, and when you feel that you can only solve it by listening to you, your focus is often only on face, you are not trying to solve the problem, you are just thinking: If I give in, I have no face.

Caesar has a story that is particularly interesting. When a group of prisoners passed, the old emperor called out a prisoner and said to his son: This is your prisoner, I will now give this prisoner to you, and his fate will be handled by you. You come and tell me how to show your greatest authority. The child said: Kill him. The old emperor smiled and said: This does not show your greatest authority, because those people can kill him, show your greatest authority, is to let him go.

Each of us has a different way of showing authority, so why do we have to use this coercive method to show your authority? Why not be more tolerant? Why not use a more creative approach to make your child feel your guidance to him, feel the resilient values that you pass on as a parent? Our face, our dignity, our family status at home, are all related to our own values.

Therefore, I say don't abuse the power in your hands, give the child a real choice.

What is the real choice for children? Some parents will say: I also give my child a choice now, he eats now, the two choices are: you want to eat now! Or never eat! Or, you follow me now, or I'll go home by myself and you'll take a taxi back by yourself later! A five- or six-year-old kid, you ask him to take a taxi back, is that like words? This choice is called "no choice", which is the threat, which is the naked threat and abandonment.

The real choice is, if you find that your child really wants to play with something and it's time for dinner, you tell him, you can come to dinner now, or how long do you want to wait to come over and eat? Ask him, give him a chance, he said, wait 10 minutes, well, ask again: Do you need your mother to remind you? If needed, it would be nice to call him after 10 minutes.

For example, some families have destroyed their children's concentration for a lot of rules, and parents say that our rules are that we must eat at any time. The child is reading, it is difficult to develop a habit of concentration in reading, he is immersed in the book, or the child is playing games and making puzzles there, he needs to train concentration. At this time, the parents said: Dinner must come! Then, whatever he does, he has to pull over, and the child's concentration is destroyed. Then, in turn, when the child lacks concentration, the parents say the opposite: You don't have concentration! The child is angry at both ends. So, we have to give our children real choices.

Another point is that even if there is a situation like yelling, don't take revenge, don't be cold and violent with your children. Cold violence means that you are both children, and the older children are still angry, so they can't spare the children. When you can know that you are an adult, you can be the first to break the deadlock and be the first to reconcile with your children.

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