Even in the present moment, we often see or "read" or "hear" the following scenes:
1, children mobile phone control, do not love to learn, all kinds of procrastination... ；
2, parents look at the child's reaction similar to the above situation: dry anxiety, angry on fire, criticize the child has no effect...
It seems to have become a common scene in many family life at present, except for the cases we have practiced, coupled with various media reports, such a scene seems to be played out every day.
I have also seen some mothers crying and almost collapsing, constantly confiding in people their chagrin of "parenting failure".
I've also seen some fathers who seem to be angry and frustrated by the "what" of their children in front of them... , and even get out of control of emotions, say some "super-outline" language, and make some radical moves.
From the perspective of empathy, we understand the feelings of being parents at that moment. However, from the perspective of a third party, from the direction of hoping that parents and children can reconstruct a good parent-child relationship, we have to first advise the relevant parents to calm down first, and first need to reflect on themselves.
Just as the so-called "frozen three feet, not a day's cold", the child's current words and deeds must be the phased "result" of everything that parents have paid in the process of parenting in the past few years, regardless of whether this result is in line with the expectations of parents and whether it is in line with the basic norms of words and deeds that adolescents should have.
As I have repeatedly mentioned many times before, no matter whether some parents agree, whether they really understand the meaning, whether they understand and adjust and improve themselves and act on them, the child's stage performance will eventually be reflected and reflected with these views.
I have to nag again: many of the problems of teenagers are closely related to whether parents guide their children well before school age! Most of the children with problems in adolescence, and even adult problems, are mostly caused by small things waiting for the family environment and education, parent-child companionship methods are inappropriate, and accumulate into more and finally the problem breaks out on a certain day. However, many parents often ignore this in the child's infancy and infancy, and only after the outbreak of the child's problem does it use the common name "the child has reached the adolescent rebellious period, and it is enough to discipline it well." The results are mostly counterproductive parenting outcomes.
In order to make it easier for parents of some children aged 2-18 to understand, I still have to repeat the following situation as a "comparison table" for the reference of relevant parents. Please review whether the parents concerned have encountered the following phenomena in the process of raising their children:
1. The child does not like/refuse to go to school;
2. The child often/likes to lose his temper;
3. Regarding the child's performance in school and performance at home, parents and teachers have their own opinions;
Fourth, the child makes mistakes or loses his temper, and the parents often cannot control their emotions;
Fifth, games (not specifically online games) are the best way for children to express their emotions, but they do not know how to guide their children to the greatest extent;
Sixth, children do not love to learn, do not know how to guide children;
Seventh, parents are too busy at work, the elderly help to bring up children, the parenting concepts and practices of the two generations are inconsistent, do not know what to do;
Children are not interested in doing anything and lack motivation;
9. Children are addicted to online games and indifferent to other things;
10. Miscellaneous
Regardless of one or more of the above situations experienced by the relevant parents in the process of raising their children, it shows that as parents, there is still some room for improvement in parenting skills, no matter which aspect to start from.
According to the results of practical case studies, it is found that in most cases, parents need to start from changing themselves, and the influence of words and deeds is far greater than the various learning plans and various prescribed actions that parents make for their children!
Note: This content is for reference only, some problem children or parents do not have to sit in the number. If there is one, it can be changed, and if there is none, it can be encouraged.