【Mindset】1.2 Why do children hate learning?

Hello moms and dads who love to learn!

Today we will explore why children hate learning.

First, in learning, there are two cycles: one is a positive cycle, that is, a virtuous circle; the other is a vicious circle. The vicious circle is that once a child falls behind in learning, there will be a lot of negative and negative hints:

The first step is to fall behind in learning;

The second step is negative cues, and after a long time, it will enter the third step;

The third step is negative belief;

The fourth step is called aversive behavior, an aversion to learning behavior;

The fifth step of learning is more backward, which is the closed loop of the vicious circle.

The reverse positive cycle is that even if learning is lagging behind or learning is improving, it can produce positive suggestions, and then form positive beliefs, which will bring about the love of learning behavior, and finally learning will be better, which is a virtuous circle.

Through these two cycles, we can see that the most critical point is not the child's good grades or bad grades, the most critical point is: the child's good and bad grades form a negative cue? Or a positive hint? This is the most critical link that affects the motivation and enthusiasm of children to learn later!

Second, so today we will focus on the negative hint link.

We often say a sentence: it doesn't matter whether things happen well or badly, the key is our opinions and ideas.

In fact, it is about the ideas and opinions we come up with after things happen, which plays a very important role in the overall learning state.

There was a child whose previous math score was the first in the class, and once in class, he made a small move, and was discovered by the math teacher, and the teacher punished him for copying the problem five times. Because he has always been the first in the math score in the class, the math teacher originally liked it, and he also thought that the math teacher liked him very much, and as a result, he copied this matter five times, and he himself felt that it didn't matter, and he treated it carelessly.

The next day when the teacher went to class, he found that he did not do it, and the teacher was very angry, so he punished him for copying 50 times, and the child was even more reluctant and showed great emotions. The teacher felt very faceless in the class, punished him for standing on the podium, and said to him viciously: If you don't finish writing, don't come to my class!

Later, he also called his father, who was even more vulgar, and in front of the whole class, threw the child's school bag far away on the child, and the child felt very faceless. When the father finished all this, the child sat in the classroom very aggrieved, but also very depressed, and the contradiction with the math teacher was not only not resolved, but also more resentful of the teacher.

We watched as a child who was the first in math in his class suddenly fell to the lowest point in his class in less than two months. After such a thing happened, of course, he also thought that the math teacher had lost confidence in him from then on, and the whole state of study was also very bad, and he could not get into some good schools.

One thing has had a profound impact on a child's life. We can see that the main reason behind the negative cues is because there are negative emotions, which have a very important impact on people!

Once, a child came to my classroom, and when we were in a meeting, he kept turning the light switch on and off, turning it on and off, and we would get a lot of interference in the meeting.

When encountering such a thing, most parents' behavior is: hurry up and go aside, don't make trouble! But the more you say this, the more troublemaker this child may become, because many children are naughty. I said in front of everyone: This student, today this matter will be entrusted to you. He said: What? I said: From now until lunch, there are still three hours, you have been turning this switch on and off, turning it on and off, helping me turn it on and off for three hours, and not giving you food at noon.

Obviously seeing that this child was very happy from the beginning of the troublemaking, he immediately felt that there was a very heavy burden in his heart, and he felt that this matter was very stressful, so he quickly stopped working and left.

The essence of this thing that did not let his behavior continue to be done was to add negative emotions to him, that is, to give him a lot of negative hints.

Our family's Dabao has lived with grandma for a long time, so she misses her very much.

Once I asked him: Do you like to be with your mother? Or do you like to be with your grandma? He said: Of course I want to be with my grandmother. Some time ago, because of a cold, his grandmother forced him to drink Chinese medicine, so he hated drinking Chinese medicine very much. I said, "Okay, then go find Grandma and drink Chinese medicine!" He hurriedly said: Don't go, don't go, don't go!

In fact, when I reminded him of this, he superimposed the fear and negative emotions of drinking Chinese medicine on people, and instead changed from liking to not liking.

Third, parents, we must be very concerned about every sentence we usually say, even if it is a heartless word, in fact, it may penetrate into the child's subconscious, form some of his negative hints, so as to affect his thoughts and behavior, and finally become counterproductive.

We often talk about learning to encourage children, not criticize them.

But if we think about it, are we not critical and critical of our children most of our lives? Instead of encouraging children! For example: we often say how you don't hurry up to write homework, it is really getting more and more grinding; how you are always so sloppy in doing things; even that your brain is too stupid, learning everything is so slow, etc., when your child believes these negative hints, it will slowly seep into his beliefs, and behind the scenes will affect his behavior, which is a very terrible thing!

We parents must remember a sentence: the child's view of themselves, in fact, originally stemmed from our parents' view of the child.

When we keep telling our children about instilling the consciousness of "doing", the children will also feel that they are "doing";

When we keep denying the child and thinking he "can't do it", he finally concludes that I am "not OK"!

So, we often give our children too many negative hints! What we should do should be to tap the child's progress points, and in the circle around him to publicize these progress points, form a positive hint, and the final result is that the child shows different places in thought and behavior!