Author: Main Creative Group Jin Shanyue
What should I do if my adolescent child is bored with school? This may be a problem that many parents are encountering.
A few days ago, my third aunt called me and cried that my cousin, who was in the third year of junior high school, had a falling out at home.
The cousin, who has always been well-behaved, does not know from what day, began to tire of learning. In order not to attend class, he pretended to be sick, skipped school, fought, and after being criticized by his teacher's parents, he shut himself in the house and did not eat or drink.
His parents were in a hurry, and he was instantly ignited like a bomb, not only with his parents, but also with a tendency to self-harm.
What exactly can be done to make children aware of the importance of learning?
A Tsinghua principal once gave advice: a child who is tired of school and does not read, take him to three places, it is more effective than scolding.
Instead of trying to persuade them to learn at home, it is better to take your children out of the house, let them take a "social lesson", and truly feel the cruelty of survival.
The child is tired of school and does not read, so he takes him to three places
The three places that President Tsinghua said were airports, train stations, and the countryside.
At the airport, children will see people being diverted to "First Class" and "Economy Class" to receive different grades of service;
At the train station, children will see all kinds of workers, carrying baggage, their faces tired and their eyes blank;
In the countryside, children will see many people struggling on the subsistence line, unable to go to school, unable to read, unable to get out of poverty.
Whenever children find it useless to study and boring to read, they may wish to take them to these places to see.
It sounded an alarm bell for them, and also made them understand that if they did not eat the hardships of studying, they would have to eat the hardships of life; if they did not take the road of studying, they would have to take the road of part-time work.
The documentary "18-year-old assembly line" has caused quite a stir in the parent circle.
In the film, we see too many children, because of impulsiveness and willfulness, and lack of elder restraint, left the campus prematurely, and as a result, they suffered a lot and regretted their intestines.
Yang Peng, a young man after 95, went to work in an electronics factory in Dongguan before graduating from junior high school.
As soon as I entered, I was assigned to the most difficult post as a repairman, and after more than ten hours, I was directly exhausted and paralyzed, and I didn't even have the strength to eat.
Sometimes, he was so tired that he couldn't concentrate, and the sharp knife was stuck into his fingers, and the blood flowed.
And Yang Peng was only taken to the office, simply bandaged, and sent back to continue working.
On the assembly line, there are "factory brothers and sisters" like Yang Peng.
This group of adolescent children, who thought they would be free when they left school, did not want to fall into the larger cage of society.
Before this, they could not have imagined that there were things in this world that were more difficult than reading.
In the documentary, many children said to the camera: "At that time, I was small and didn't understand things, and now it's too late to regret it." ”
Some people say that adolescence is the most confused stage in a person's life, wanting to go out and wandering, but not yet fledgling; dissatisfied with the present, and unable to see the future.
As the educator Professor Li Meijin said: "The important reason for a child who is tired of school is that he is confused about the future and does not know what he can do in learning." ”
If you want your child to get rid of the confusion and know what they can do in learning, you may wish to let them see what happened to those who did not read.
Especially for adolescent children, the sooner they can see the cruelty of society, the more they can avoid going astray.
There are thousands of paths in life, and reading is very hard, but it is the best way to take.
Behind the child's boredom with school, it is puberty that is at work
The writer Mai Jia once told a story about himself and his son.
About the second year of his son's junior high school, the Mai family suddenly found out one day that his son was different from before.
The child's temperament has changed greatly, he is unwilling to go out, except for eating, the whole family basically can't hear his son's movements.
Don't talk about learning, even if it is an ordinary conversation, the son does not cooperate.
The Mai family is anxious, and the conflict with his son escalates into a family war, but the more severe he is, the more rebellious his son is.
The smell of gunpowder in the family lasted for a long time, until three years later, it seemed that suddenly, the Mai family felt that the hostility in their son had dissipated, and the relationship between the two grandfathers had eased up a lot.
It can be seen that in the process of children's growth, there seems to be a key to "adolescence" in the body.
Once the threshold of puberty is crossed, the child's self-awareness will be unprecedentedly high, easy to be impulsive and keen to resist, like a hedgehog with thorns at all times.
The slightest carelessness of the parents, even a look, a sigh, is enough to cause their rebellion and defense.
"Not learning" and "refusing to communicate" are powerful weights for children to fight with their parents.
Many times, children do not hate the specific knowledge points in the books, but are tired of "obedience and obedience".
As a parent, if you want your child to go through puberty smoothly, you need to know one thing first:
What is your child going through during adolescence?
The first is the brain.
During this period, about 100 billion nerve cells in the brain mature, and the direct result of this change is that adolescents' reaction speed is faster and more sensitive; but the "amygdala" in the brain responsible for controlling emotions develops more slowly, which leads to children's inability to control emotions and easy to be "moody".
Many times, children don't mean to fool around, but they simply can't control themselves.
The second is psychology.
Adolescence has always been called "psychological weaning" by psychologists.
Children in this period, "self-awareness" awakens, paying more attention to "self-attention". They have their own ideas, don't want to rely on their parents anymore, and refuse to be the "good child".
It is not difficult to explain why children, knowing that their parents value grades, are tired of school and let their grades plummet.
In addition, children's physiology, personality, values, etc. are undergoing drastic changes.
What we see is that children have lost their temper and disobedience; what we can't see is that their bodies and minds are experiencing a tsunami of growth.
True education is to win the child, not to win the child
Writer Li Zhongying once said: "Every child will have a war with his parents in the process of growing up, if the child wins, it is a comedy; if the parents win, it is a tragedy." ”
In the fight against adolescence, our goal is to win the child, not to win the child.
On how to get along with adolescent children, Dr. John Coleman, a world-renowned adolescent psychologist, gave five points of advice:
occasion
Adolescents are sensitive at heart and care about the perception of the outside world, so it is especially important when and where parents communicate with their children.
Some children are publicly reprimanded by their parents, and then they become angry and punish their parents in a way that hurts themselves;
Some children want to be quiet, but parents knock on the door and forcibly communicate, forcing children to have no way to retreat;
It is not that these parents do not love their children, but that they do not grasp the opportunity to teach their children.
John Coleman suggested that parents can talk to their children before going to bed, go to the car to listen to music and chat, or write letters and leave messages.
Feel your child's situation more and find the best time to communicate with your child.
Effective way
Have you ever heard a parent complain like this?
"I tell my children every day that they must study hard, otherwise they will not find a job in the future."
"I spend all day with my child, doing his homework with him, lecturing him, isn't that communication?"
"My kid is always disobedient, and I have to scold him every day before he sits at his desk and studies."
These parents have worked hard for their children's learning, but the effect is that no matter how much they say, the children just can't listen to it at all.
The crux of the problem is that these words cannot touch the child, and this communication is completely ineffective.
To communicate effectively, we must first resonate with the child, say what they want to hear, and then integrate what we want to express into the conversation.
Communicate with adolescent children, do not command from above, and do not chatter. It is better to point to the end and leave room for each other.
share
The educationalist Makarenko said: "Do not think that education is only when teaching and commanding children, but in every moment of life, even when you are not present, it is education." ”
Sharing your life with your children and teaching by example is much more effective than blindly commanding.
Many people asked the host Dong Qing: How did you develop the habit of reading?
Dong Qing smiled and said that he did not deliberately cultivate, that is, when he was a child, his father always read with me and shared the content he saw, and this habit was slowly formed.
Instead of forcing children to read books, it is better to share our own learning experience with children.
In sharing, become a role model for children, and let children feel respected.
Let's go
Remember the dad who quit his job and took his 14-year-old son on a trip?
At that time, Mr. Xu of Dandong, Liaoning Province, faced with his son's boredom, did not fight or scold, but instead started a "road trip" with his child.
The grandfather and grandfather drove a caravan through Shanhaiguan and Luoyang, all the way to Yunnan, a total of more than 4,000 kilometers.
After the trip, the son's heart was full, he was no longer bored with school, and everything was back on track.
When communication no longer works, it is better to act directly.
Maybe it's an outdoor outing on the weekend, maybe it's a jogging in the middle of the night, maybe it's a short trip, maybe it's a ball game with my son, maybe i'm watching a movie with my daughter...
Don't lock yourself and your children in your home and books, and use actions to dispel the fog of adolescence.
hearken
On the reality TV show "Teenager Says", I have seen such a heart-wrenching scene.
In the dialogue session with her parents, a girl said with grievance: My sister often goes to her father to complain, and every time my father directly comes to teach me...
Without waiting for the girl to finish, her mother interrupted her and said: You are a sister, you must learn to tolerate and take responsibility...
For several minutes, the mother was "teaching" the girl, but she couldn't see the tears swirling in the girl's eyes, and she couldn't see the grievances and the desire for love in the girl's heart.
Educator Cheng Shangrong once said: "Listening is a special kind of education, the art and wisdom of education." ”
Learning to listen to children and feel their inner world is an important part of adolescent communication.
There is an "iceberg effect" in psychology.
You see icebergs on the surface of the sea, but you can't see the huge mountains hidden under the surface of the water.
School-weariness, irritability, and rebellion, like that little iceberg on the surface of the sea, hide a long and exciting adolescence.
Although adolescence is menacing, as long as parents adjust their mentality and concepts, and understand their children more, they can certainly escort their children during adolescence.
It is not easy to grow up, parents are difficult to be, may the parents and children of the world grow together in the years and transform together.