In the past, in everyone's impression, it seemed that the problems of disgust and rebellion all happened to "poor students".
But in fact, there are more and more "good students" nowadays, and there is a problem of boredom.
Before they got bored with school, not only did they get good grades, but some of the children also remained in the top few of the class.
Why do these good students and well-behaved children, who are usually in the minds of parents and teachers, suddenly tire of schooling?
The following experience of the mother and son may give the answer.
01
Before my son went to junior high school, I always felt fortunate to have a worry-free child.
In the whole six years of elementary school, my son's study did not bother me too much, ranking at the top of the class.
It seems that he can do his studies well by going to school, after school, and writing homework every day.
Looking around at the mothers around me who are worried about their children's homework and poor grades every day, I am deeply grateful for my son's excellence and understanding.
In those years, I had a close relationship with my son, and he was willing to say anything to me.
It wasn't until I entered junior high school that I suddenly realized that my son was starting to have problems.
In the first half-term exam after entering the school, I actually scored 50 points in mathematics! The overall grade also fell from the third place in the enrollment to the middle level of the class.
I reluctantly comforted him, a failed exam can not explain anything, after the use of more dim sum, hard work is, really not, to make up for the class.
As a result, the more he got to the back, the worse the math became, and he was particularly resistant to taking math classes, often saying at home that the math teacher taught poorly, always targeting him and so on.
I saw the child's state in my eyes and knew to give him encouragement, but I heard him always making excuses like this, and my emotions became agitated.
"You don't make these excuses, the teacher doesn't teach well, how can other students learn well?" You just can't do it yourself, and blame the teacher! ”
As a result, the son exploded: "I just can't do it, anyway, I can't learn well, I won't learn it in the future!" ”
After that, I obviously felt that my son's disgust and confrontational psychology became stronger and stronger, and as soon as he talked to him about learning, he lost his temper and even angrily locked the door, hid in the room to play on the computer, and did not come out at all.
Seeing him indulge himself like this, willing to degenerate, I couldn't calm down any longer.
Therefore, I began to use various methods to urge my son to pay more attention, play less mobile phones and computers, and raise the grades as soon as possible, which is the most important thing.
However, the harder I tried to manage it, the more fiercely his resistance became, and in those days, our mother-son relationship was extremely poor.
Often, as soon as I opened my mouth, before the voice had fallen, my son would impatiently interrupt me, "Okay, don't say it, I know what you are going to say with one mouth!" ”
Then he turned around and went back to his room and slammed the door hard.
One night, after my son and I quarreled over studying, my son actually said a sentence: "I know to study and learn as a whole, and I don't want to learn!" ”
Unexpectedly, the next day, my son really did not go!
02
We have finished our good words, scolded and scolded, and the reason has been thoroughly explained, he just can't get oil and salt.
My husband and I made too much effort and it didn't work.
Every day, the son hides in his room, watches TV, plays with his mobile phone, does nothing else, and looks like he is self-destructive.
My husband complained to me: Learning is the child's own business, you only care about pushing him hard, now it's okay, right?
I am also constantly reflecting, why do good children suddenly tire of school and are unwilling to go to school?
To this end, I began to teach myself family education, and slowly learned the truth behind the child's boredom: the child is not suddenly bored with school, and not going to school is not a decision made in a day or two, but a process.
In most school-weary families, parents tend to focus only on grades, and even regard grades as the only criterion for evaluation.
They lack attention to the process of children's boredom and rebellion, and often wake up when the child decides not to go to school.
"Parents do not pay attention to their children's psychology, and only care about grades, which is the root cause of children's boredom."
In the process of continuous learning, the truth of my son's boredom and suspension from school gradually became clear in my heart.
It can be said that my son's serious aversion to school is caused by my unreasonable expectations and unscientific education methods.
Falling from the top of the list in elementary school, the math he was good at could not keep up, and he himself had a lot of psychological pressure, but I kept staring at the results and rankings, asking and urging every day.
This gives the child the feeling that "the mother is around the grades, just like the past excellent grades of their own, do not care about the current me, can not see my efforts." 」 ”
In such a situation, since my parents are not satisfied with how hard I try, the 50 points on the test are not recognized, and the promotion to 70 points is not recognized, the child simply gives up - you love to think how you want, I don't learn!
The more I reflected, the more I realized that the responsibility lay with me.
I did not stand with the child and defeat the difficulties; instead I defeated the children with the difficulties.
"When children learn and live, suddenly difficulties arise, parents must not be too hasty, but know how to appreciate their children's progress."
So how do I help my son get out of the predicament of being bored with school and lying flat?
Teachers told me that when children encounter the problem of school boredom, it is often a problem of the family education model, so parents should first change the family environment and their own education methods.
03
1. Create a relaxed family environment
Providing a relaxed and pleasant environment for children to grow up is easy to say, but it is difficult to do.
Especially after the child starts to go to school, the child who is cute, sensible, and caring when he is a child, as long as the grades are not good, it must become unlovable, and other advantages parents can not see.
Some parents even habitually make negative comments, accusing their children of "not working hard, not being attentive, being playful, being stupid" and so on.
Make the family atmosphere a miasma and make the child stressed.
As the teacher said in class: "Every child's problem is the product of family interaction." ”
Parents who talk about heroes in terms of achievements often talk about heroes in terms of success or failure.
In such an environment, children will be extremely insecure, thinking that only a good test can be accepted; if the test is not good, they will be rejected.
It is tantamount to causing secondary harm to the child, seriously destroying the parent-child relationship, and the disgust with school is becoming more and more serious.
Only a relaxed family environment can let children let go of their inner guard and antagonistic emotions, think about their next actions, and have time to reflect and summarize.
2. Turn anxiety into action to help children build confidence in victory
There is a very classic sentence: "I thought you would shield me from the wind and rain, but I didn't expect that the wind and rain were all given by you." ”
It is also suitable to describe the relationship between some parents and children.
When children have problems such as poor learning status and falling grades, many parents cannot control their panicked hearts and project anxiety onto their children.
As a result, there is a strong desire for control over the child and high expectations beyond the child's current ability.
Just like when I forced my son to go to a tutoring class, he didn't go, and I had a sense of out-of-control anxiety throughout my body.
Although he didn't say anything on his lips, there was a vague idea of verification in his heart: Let you not listen to me, see how well you can pass the test this time!
This high standard and desire for control drove me to constantly correct my son according to my own wishes.
When his grades did not improve in a short period of time, I began to accuse and urge, hoping that my son would soon be able to "return to the top".
Originally, my son was already tired and afraid of mathematics, and I kept suppressing it, which eventually led to my son completely messing up and simply not going to school.
Constantly learning and reflecting, I began to change my mentality towards my son.
I gave up the 24-hour cycle of preaching and complaining and gave my child a clean, stress-free space.
I cooked him three meals a day on time, and the rest of the time, I was busy interacting with the parents of the bootcamp, following the teacher in class, taking notes, and focusing on growing up.
It may also be that the relaxed atmosphere in my body caught my son's attention, and he actually took the initiative to see what I was doing.
I told him that mom was taking a parent-teacher course and was getting a lot.
"In the past, I always thought that children should listen to their parents, but I didn't think that we were also parents for the first time, how could we not have to learn to be all right?"
"In the past, my mother's words and deeds have caused you some harm, I hope you can forgive me, and I will keep following in your footsteps and keep learning in the future."
My son listened without a word, and I saw tears flashing in the corners of his eyes.
During that time, our mother and son were immersed in their own rhythm, I was busy with classes, cooking, cleaning up the house, and my son was resting, looking at his mobile phone, computer, and running downstairs.
The teacher also said to me: "Let the children regain their enthusiasm for life and learning, starting with the regularity of work and rest and exercise!" This is the basis for helping children build confidence in victory, and it is the driving force for him to take the initiative to move forward. ”
I think that now is the time when the child's heart is still relatively sensitive, if I encourage the child to overcome difficulties, actively use their brains, and eliminate the disgust and fear of the child, it will be counterproductive.
He would think that I was starting to push him to learn again, and putting pressure on him.
So, I bought biographies of inspirational celebrities such as Musk, Jordan, and the founder of Disney, as well as historical books such as "Those Things of the Ming Dynasty" by Mingyue that year, so that my son could easily touch them.
I hope that my son can draw the motivation to move forward positively from these people, and my son has also read it one by one.
In those days, we didn't have a single word of exchange about studying, and I didn't ask him when he planned to go back to school.
But change happens unconsciously.
That day, my son seemed to have gathered a lot of courage and told me that he wanted to go back to school.
"I haven't been to school for almost two months, and it's not a big deal to stay like this any longer." Mom, you can rest assured, when the time comes for you to help me find a tutor, I will be able to catch up with the progress. ”
I nodded, "Mom believes in you, as long as you decide something, you can definitely do it." ”
You see, children are not in a hurry about their own learning, and have no vision and planning for the future.
However, when parents preconceivedly interfere and blindly direct, they will make the children extremely annoyed and simply break the jar with the parents.
What is manifested is disgust, rebellion, and even suspension!
As parents, we really need to keep learning and cultivating ourselves, both to see the advantages of our children and to let go of our excessive expectations of our children.
Only in this way can children have the space to develop their inner motivation and allow themselves to grow.
Encourage everyone together
Finally, please pay attention to me, I will continue to share the educational stories and dry goods knowledge of adolescent children