Mr. Ye of Xianning, Hubei Province, said that his 11-year-old daughter was in a period of rebellion, and the school teacher and himself reported that the daughter did not want to study and still talked back to the teacher. Mr. Ye was very angry and asked his daughter if she wanted to study or go home. The daughter chose to go home and not continue to study. After Mr. Ye took his daughter home, at noon when the sun was shining, he let his daughter go to the field to dig lotus roots, with the intention of letting her daughter know that "if you don't eat the pain of reading, you must eat the hardships of life", if you don't study well, you will be like your father and grandfather, and what awaits her will be the pain of life that cannot be eaten. After 4 hours in the sun, the little girl begged her father bitterly and admitted that she was wrong and would never dare again.
Many people agree with their father's approach and feel that their father's approach has been well achieved. The little girl finally "got lost" and took the initiative to ask to return to school.
But is it resolved satisfactorily at this point? Is it enough to get your kids back to school? I think my father wants the little girl to study well, not just stay in school.
However, the father's use of forced labor can only make the girl choose a retreat without physical suffering under the authority of the father, and does not make her like to learn from the heart. In the future, when the little girl encounters a way out that is not so hard, such as a waiter or a cleaner, she will not endure the "pain of learning" nor the hard work of the body, and she will still give up her studies and find another way.
In fact, to solve the problem that children want to give up their studies, parents must first understand whether the child does not want to go to school or does not love to learn, and solve the problem for specific reasons.
Don't want to go to school:
Many times, children do not want to go to school, which may have nothing to do with learning itself, such as the school environment is not very friendly to them, such as being ridiculed by classmates because of certain deficiencies; for example, we often hear about school bullying; and excessive corporal punishment by teachers hurts students' self-esteem. This can all lead to children not wanting to go to school.
Many times because the child is relatively young, many things can not be handled and solved well, and do not know how to tell their parents, can only take an avoidant attitude, unwilling to go to school. As a parent, you should help your child find out the causes of problems encountered in the process of growing up and solve them, rather than using your authority to force your child to obey what you call the right outcome. This will only backfire and may have irreparable consequences.
Don't love to learn:
If your child does not hate school, but does not like to learn, then as parents, we have the responsibility to give the right guidance, so that children understand: although the process of learning is hard, but the sense of achievement after learning a knowledge is also a sweetness that money cannot buy. Parents who teach their children to "eat the bitterness of learning" often have not tasted the sweetness of learning themselves.
We all know that the "carrot and stick" theory of management, if you want to make donkeys work more, it is definitely the next strategy to use only the stick to threaten, if you want to make donkeys work more, you must let them taste the sweetness of carrots, that is, the benefits of work.
If there are two ways to be paid for a job, that is, if you don't work well, you will deduct money, and the more you work, the more you earn, then which one will be more able to mobilize the enthusiasm of the work, the result is self-evident! This is the important role of positive motivation in psychology. To treat children's education issues, we should pay more attention to positive motivation and positive guidance.
The father's conclusion in the story seems to make sense on the surface, but in fact, it cannot fundamentally solve the problem. Educating children, can not be rudely concluded, parenting first to raise themselves, clever parenting methods are parents to become a role model for children, not to force children to confess the police!