Wen/Lan Mama on parenting
A 14-year-old little girl, because of a quarrel with her mother, she was about to run away from home, when she left without a penny or a piece of sugar, after leaving home for a long time, the sky gradually darkened, the little girl was thirsty and hungry, and finally shrunk in the corner tiredly and sobbed, the low head and unkempt look like a homeless "little beggar" on the side of the road.
And this scene, after being discovered by the kind lady of the opposite hotel, she came forward to care for the girl:
She said to the girl, "Girl, are you hungry, go to the shop with your aunt to eat bowl noodles."
The little girl said with some embarrassment, "Auntie, but I don't have any money."
The hostess said, "It's okay, I'll ask you to eat noodles, let's go," and after saying that, she dragged the little girl into the store
After a while, a bowl of hot noodles was served, the little girl stared at the noodles and did not eat immediately, but red eyes began to shed tears, in the face of the gentle and kind boss lady, the little girl said all the grievances suffered at home, the little girl said with some sadness: "Auntie, we don't know, you can give me a bowl of noodles to eat, but I had a quarrel with my mother, she actually drove me out, and let me never go back to that home, my mother does not love me at all..."
After listening to the little girl's complaints, the lady boss sighed and said, "Auntie, auntie sees that you are a very sensible child, you see I give you a bowl of noodles and know thanks, but how many bowls of noodles and how many times have your mother cooked for you since she was a child, how many times have you cooked rice, and how many things you have not seen, and have you ever thought of thanking your mother?" ”。
After listening to the girl, she suddenly realized, the tears flowed uncontrollably, and after parting with the aunt, she rushed home all the way, until she saw the back of her mother anxiously waiting at the door of the dark community, the girl ran forward and hugged her mother more excitedly, and the first sentence of the mother when she saw the girl was "Child, hungry, go home, your mother made you the most delicious lobster noodles", at that moment the child's tears could not stop flowing down...
The story ends here, but the topic of education extended by the story does not end!
In real life, we often hear many parents complain that "my child is not big, his temper is quite big, he can't move the door, and he runs away from home", and some parents worry about saying "Now the child is like this, and when he grows up, he can't escape farther...", and in the incident where the child runs away from home at every turn, there are also some parents who can't control their emotions and talk angrily, and eventually produce bitter results.
A similar thing has really happened to my side, a girl named Fangfang, because her parents often quarrel with the reason of fear of going home, often quietly stay at the classmate's home, once Fangfang's mother saw the rain to send an umbrella for her daughter, but left and right did not see the daughter's trace, and finally the mother was also anxious to find in the rain late at night, and later learned that the daughter spent the night at the classmate's house after angrily punching and kicking the child, and said angrily "how do you not come back outside the wild", it is precisely because of this sentence, Fang Fang turned her head angrily and left and did not return home for several days.
In the face of FangFang's departure from home, the mother has always thought that her daughter is just staying at the classmate's house as before, but she does not know that her mother's habits and inappropriate things have lost her daughter forever, and it turned out that Fangfang ran out of control to the river after punching and kicking and angry words, probably because it had just rained, fangfang's feet were wet and slippery and accidentally fell into the water, because it was not discovered, coupled with the urgency of the river, a life that was in The middle of the fanghua miaoling ended in the cold river.
After that incident, Fangfang's mother began to be mentally confused, her father began to drink all day, and a family that was originally full of quarrels also became fragmented in Fangfang's departure, this story is very sad, but also worthy of many parents' caution, the road to educating children is not only to provide love for children, couples need to be a good emotional role model, do not let children live in a dark environment of panic and lack of love.
Speaking of which, some parents may be aggrieved and say, "Is it right for children to run away from home and rebel and rebel at every turn", the answer is of course no, but where is the root cause of children's "running away from home" or "rebellion and rebellion"? Some people say that there is a problem with the parents' education methods, and some people say that today's children are living too well and can't stand setbacks, in fact, when education encounters problems, parents' reflection, including children's self-ability, is indispensable, and a large part of the child's rebellious seeds stem from the lack of gratitude.
Gratitude is not only a simple gratitude, it is also a responsibility, an attitude, a person's quality cultivation...
For many parents, in fact, the most difficult thing to get in education is a rebellious heart of the child, if the child is against you, then the parents can not melt their stubbornness no matter how good the change, on the contrary, the child's little change can comfort the parents' wounded heart, even if a sentence "sorry, I know the mistake", "Mom and Dad, you are hard", will make the parents who are angry instantly extinguish the fire.
To borrow a phrase from the lady of the restaurant when the 14-year-old girl ran away from home, a strange person gives you a bowl of noodles and knows to say thank you, why can't your parents think of saying thank you? In fact, this is the lack of gratitude awareness of children in education, gratitude is derived from a person's positive thinking, attitude affinity, this is a kind of spontaneous behavior of dealing with people and quality management, when a person has a sense of gratitude, what they do is with a grateful heart.
If we talk about the importance of gratitude awareness, gratitude is not just a simple reward, it is a responsibility, an attitude, a person's quality cultivation... Gratitude is sometimes more like a philosophy of life, life wisdom, and gratitude must first learn to be a person, have a sense of support for a sunny life, from the perspective of children's growth, psychologists generally believe that gratitude is from the heart, attitude, and habits of change, and all of this and children's growth environment and education methods are inseparable from the relationship, want children to know gratitude, learn to be grateful, then the parents' drive and guidance will invisibly drive the child's attitude sincere.
How can I help my child develop a grateful mindset? Among them, the environmental impact is greater than the impact of preaching, and it is recommended that parents do the following aspects from their own perspective:
1, lead by example, parents themselves should be grateful
The heart of gratitude lies in the impact of the living environment, and parents, as a mirror in the child's life, want to help the child establish a grateful mentality, then we must lead by example, show their own love, and use the heart of gratitude to face the people who have helped themselves, gratitude and gratitude, in order to let the child know how to respect others, be grateful to others, and this education is to start from the surrounding environment and the parents' example.
For example, when we have been given umbrellas when it rains, then in the sunny weather, good time we have to read this help, even if it is with a fruit, a smile to visit, is our heart, the principle of being a person and the feedback of thinking about others, if parents know how to be grateful, grateful, care for others or the people around them, then congratulations, in such an environment your child is easy to become a grateful, grateful, grateful child.
2. Emotional cultivation, parents should know how to cherish family affection
Family is the starting point of all kinds of emotions in life, but also the home of human emotions, where children can feel the support and warmth from emotions, family affection can also cultivate children's emotional intelligence and love, like many touching movies and dramas about parents making some great sacrifices for children, children will have a more touching spiritual connection after seeing it, and in the gradual dissolution of emotions, children will slowly understand the preciousness of gratitude.
In the busy living environment, although parents should run for life, but also worry about the child's learning, but usually we should also try to take time to visit the elders, relatives and friends, and in close contact with family is also the most direct way for children to learn gratitude, to know that gratitude is not to return, but to cultivate children to know how to respect others, grateful for the true, good and beautiful embodiment, and do a good job of cherishing family affection, loving young urination It is easy to establish a grateful telepathy.
3, independent consciousness, do not spoil the child
Grateful heart comes from the attitude of responsibility, as well as quality cultivation, we do not forget to pay attention to the child's sense of independence when cultivating the child's grateful heart, in real life we often see many parents responding to their children, doting on their children, under the pressure of life, parents not only become house slaves, or overwhelmed child slaves, and because of the parents' doting many children have developed a domineering, and unreasonable selfishness, usually at home is a princess or a little emperor's pampering habits.
If the parents just keep giving the child satisfaction and protection, the child will take everything for granted with the parents' long-term coddling, and this idea of only knowing satisfaction and not knowing the hardship will be fixed, and it will be difficult for the child to thank the parents for everything they have paid.
Therefore, parents usually want to let children "do their own things" as much as possible, like the housework produced as much as possible with the child to participate, to work, in the continuous experience and harvest of results, children will also understand that "any achievement is not achieved casually", and this independent consciousness of the growth environment although not as comfortable as "clothes to reach out to open their mouths", but the sour and bitter growth can improve the child's state of mind, learn to grow slowly in understanding and gratitude.
4, broaden your horizons, do not let the child bored to read
Many parents think that gratitude lies in the companionship and how much to get along with between children and parents, although time is a greenhouse cultivation to cultivate emotions, but close companionship can bring emotions, can also bring contradictions, many parent-child contradictions are in the parents' cross-border participation, such as too much management of children, do not let children do what they like...
Especially under the gradually obvious trend of the survival of the fittest, many parents have a stronger and stronger mentality towards their children's "looking forward to jackie chan and hoping that a daughter will become a phoenix", like "two ears do not hear things outside the window, and only read the sages" There are more children, but such children are often difficult to have emotional resonance with parents, and children who lack insight and lack of labor are usually difficult to appreciate the hardships from others, and they cannot really learn to be grateful.
Therefore, to cultivate the child's grateful heart, parents should learn to let the child broaden their horizons, try not to let the child read hard, usually take the child to the outside world to walk around and experience the truth, goodness and beauty outside the family, such as helping the elderly cross the road, picking up the garbage on the road and throwing the garbage can, sending food to stray cats and dogs, watering the plants... And every kind of kindness and emotional touch of the child will establish a solid vision, because knowing how to see more is also a kind of social wisdom, which can attract the respect and closeness of many people.
Gratitude is a person's indelible conscience, but also the basic character performance of healthy people, it is like a new leaf in the spring, bathed in warm sunshine as pure as a piece of jasper, with a grateful heart is a precious wealth in a person's life, only by learning to be grateful can we look at every brilliance with an equal eye, respect every labor, and feel the color of life in the environment, experience harmony and beauty, life is so beautiful, may all the children in the world be colorful in their eyes, extraordinary in the ordinary!
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I am Lan Ma, focusing on the analysis of the parenting field author, with personal examples, a variety of family education examples, to record the moment of parenting feelings, like friends, welcome to pay attention to @ Lan Mama talk about parenting together to learn and grow together!