【Mentality】1.7 Children encounter setbacks in learning, what to do?

There was a man named Frankl who spent three years in Auschwitz during World War II.

These three years have been very cruel, longer than the more than 20 years he had spent before. One by one, his relatives and friends were sent to the gas chambers; his companions, one after another, died tragically under the humiliation of the Nazis. Here he is deprived of all his rights and dignity as a human being, cold, hunger, plague and beatings, threatening his life every second, and death is at any time.

In such an environment, many Jews could not bear the pain and committed suicide before being sent to the gas chambers. This Frankel, on the other hand, was always convinced that one day he would be able to get out of the gas chamber, and constantly fantasized about what kind of daily life should be arranged on the day of his rescue. He finally survived to the day of his rescue, walked out of Auschwitz, regained his life, and became a famous psychiatrist, helping countless people who suffered mental pain out of the trough of life.

This is the story of a man who survives in the face of adversity and by tenacious willpower.

There is another story around us, there is a child whose test scores have always been among the best in the school, especially physics, and he is always the first place in the school, and even the top few in the district examination.

Once, during the unified examination, his physics score was smashed, and he felt very uncomfortable. When the physics teacher saw him, he also said to him: Oh, you see that this test is not very good, and it is not good. Hearing this, he felt even more uncomfortable in his heart. That day was very unfortunate, just happened to meet the teacher of the physics teaching and research group, the teacher saw him and said: You see, this time our school was going to rely on you to win glory, and as a result, you failed the test, so our whole school test was also very poor.

He carried all the heavy baggage on his back and committed suicide by jumping off a building that night.

Through the above two stories, let's reflect on why some people can endure extreme pain. They can survive in extremely harsh environments; some people, under the slightest setback, cannot stand this pressure and choose to live lightly. In the words of Xiao Shenyang: How can the difference between people be so big?

In fact, the most important reason for this difference is the different mentality:

Frankl was able to persevere because it had an extremely optimistic mindset;

And hidden behind this child's jump off the building, there is an extreme pessimism.

After more than 30 years of research, psychologists have found that what is the most fundamental difference between pessimistic people and optimistic people? It's a different interpretation of things!

Pessimistic people are more inclined to interpret it as universal, permanent, and unchangeable when they encounter bad things, so they feel pessimistic; and when they encounter good things, they often say: Oh, this is luck, temporary, and so on.

For example, if he does a good exam, he thinks he is luck; if he doesn't do well, she thinks it should be and permanent.

The child's perception of himself stems from his parents' perception of him, especially in the early days.

There is an old Chinese saying that "three years old to see big, seven years old to see old", because at this stage of three to seven years old, children are more with their parents, many things that happen in life, when he does not know how to explain and judge, he often listens to the opinions of his parents, at this time the parents themselves are optimistic or pessimistic, and the impact on children is very large.

Everyone has seen a movie called "Forrest Gump", which has long occupied the top three in the list. It is about when Forrest Gump was born, the congenital conditions were particularly poor, the legs and feet were inconvenient, the speech was stuttering, etc., when he went to school, the IQ was still very low, only 85, and many schools did not accept him. So, his mother went to the principal, who said that he did not have enough intelligence, and his mother explained: My child is no different from normal people, just slower. Mom's explanation for this is to slow down!

The whole story of Forrest Gump is actually because of the mother's trust and encouragement, so that an ordinary child can achieve his brilliant life story. Despite being a movie, there are plenty of cases in life that test how important it is for parents to educate their children as a whole.

There is a great man who wrote a story in his life biography, when he was in elementary school, his grades were very poor, his reaction was very slow, and he was even looked down upon by his teachers and ridiculed by his classmates.

After returning home, his father saw that he was in a bad mood and did not criticize him, so he asked him: Child, is there anything you want to play? The child said: I want to go to the beach. The next morning, the father took the child to the beach. When the child is having a good time, the father chats with the child and asks the child: You see, is the seabird flying high? Or do seagulls fly high? The child sees that seabirds fly sometimes high and sometimes low, and then he says, "Oh, it seems that seabirds fly higher than seagulls." Dad asked again: The seagulls fly not as high as the seabirds, so you say that the seabirds fly farther? Or do seagulls fly farther? We all know that seagulls often make long treks along the sea level! The child said firmly: Seagulls fly far!

Dad said to the child: Child, you may not be the highest bird that flies, like the seabird; but you must be the bird that flies the most durably, like the seagull, with the strongest perseverance! So, you must have a bright future in the future!

After the child was so inspired by his father, he went back to school, and when he faced the ridicule of his teachers and classmates again, he said in his heart: You are the seabird, occasionally flying a little higher, but I am the seagull that flies the longest and has the most willpower!

Things didn't actually change, but the explanation of the matter was different, and it changed a child from a state of pessimism to a state of positivity and optimism.

So, dear parents, your very important role is to give your child a positive and optimistic explanation when he encounters things, which is very important!