When mothers who don't want chicken babies come to Haidian

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2024-05-26 10:29Posted on the official account of Beijing People

For a long time, in the discussion of education, Beijing's education highland Haidian and Haidian mother have always been the most eye-catching existence.

Every year, mothers from other districts of Beijing bring their children to Haidian "across districts", and they are "cross-district mothers" and "new Haidian mothers". They come from different districts, have different educational backgrounds and philosophies, and they all hope to give their children better education within their own capabilities.

After bowing down to Haidian, almost every cross-district mother has to experience a "gap". The children who used to be at the top of the school suddenly became very ordinary, and the children who used to think they were good were "looked very bad". Anxiety is inevitable, how to put anxiety, how to face the label of Haidian mother, and how to deal with herself in this competitive environment are the topics that every mother has to face.

Almost every inter-district mom talks about one word, "acceptance." After repeated psychological construction, after time, accept the child's ordinary, but also accept your own ordinary, and then use more independent thinking to face the chicken baby.

We have selected the stories of four "new Haidian mothers" to explore what "Haidian" and "Haidian mothers" are like today in a time when information and anxiety are pervasive. How do they understand "lying" and "rolling", how do they understand education, and what kind of person do they want their children to eventually grow up in the process of accompanying them to grow up?

Here's what they have to say -

Text: Luo Qian

Edited by Jin Shi

Shield anxiety and insist on being an atypical Haidian mother

@鱼鹰, 43 years old, daughter in the third grade of primary school

1

We took our children to school in Haidian for a complex reason, balancing various things, and finally making a choice.

When I first got married, we bought a house in Chaoyang, which was within walking distance of where I worked, and I thought that if I had children later, it would be very convenient for me to go home in early childhood, and as for the children to go to school, it would be good in Chaoyang, because we did belong to a family that did not have chicken babies, and we did not plan to push children from the beginning.

By the time the child was almost 5 years old, the situation at home had changed somewhat, first of all, I quit my job and had no need to commute, but the child's father worked in Haidian, and it took an hour and a half to commute each way. Later, when I encountered the epidemic, my child couldn't go to kindergarten, and her father was very busy with work, and he came back very late every day, and I was very anxious about my mental state, so I wanted to solve this problem.

He works in a scientific research institution, and his job can't be changed, so let's move, move to a place closer to him, at least to ensure his time at home. At that time, there were two choices, one was to move to Shijingshan, and the other was Haidian, everyone knew that Haidian's education was better, so going to Haidian was a more rational decision.

Many people go to Haidian to buy a house are prepared early, we are actually in a hurry, take stock of the family's money, plus go to Haidian to see the house, because the funds are also limited, we finally decided to buy a one-bedroom in a medium-sized school district, so that the children can go to school. In order to make the living experience not so bad, the newly bought small house was rented out, the house in Chaoyang was also rented out, and we rented a larger house in Haidian to go to school.

We were also worried at the time, because the information you received at that time was like this, and we felt that this place was particularly rolly, and this kind of volume atmosphere was actually a resistance for us, so we would hesitate to move over? Will you be overwhelmed after moving here? But we may also be blindly confident, feeling that our family's educational philosophy is firm and that we can hold it up.

I just moved here, and I didn't feel uncomfortable in life. For a child, there is actually more play here than Chaoyang, and the contact with nature, including a more wild living environment, are richer than in Chaoyang, such as the Old Summer Palace Algae Garden Gate There is a very wild place, we think it is quite fun, the Summer Palace, Xiangshan, Botanical Garden, Xishan, are also relatively easy to reach, and children's weekends will not be limited to indoor and shopping malls.

But when I go to school, there will still be shocks. For example, when the first grade just started, the teacher asked the children to take turns to introduce themselves and show themselves, and one of my classmates went up to memorize "Spring River Flower Moonlight Night", this long poem I should have read for the first time in the ancient literature appreciation class in my sophomore or junior year, and I can't memorize it now, but my child's classmates in the first grade of primary school are already memorizing it. After the child finished memorizing, the other children went up to show it, and they were all three poems to memorize, because everyone else had "Spring River Flower Moonlight Night", and I couldn't memorize such a long one, so I worked hard from the quantity.

At this time, you as a parent will definitely feel the pressure. Later, I communicated with friends around me, and I found that the more so-called famous primary schools, the greater the probability that you will meet classmates to "learn in advance", because you will spend money for your children to buy a house in a famous primary school, or you will pay special attention to education, or there are many people in the family who have money and leisure, and the enlightenment will be done relatively earlier.

There is also literacy, I used to be quite opposed to children going to a lot of literacy too early, because I thought it was too boring, of course, we also do enlightenment, such as English enlightenment, reading enlightenment, but they are more in line with the kind of interest. In the first grade, children will encounter the problem of reading questions slowly. At the first parent-teacher conference, the teacher mentioned that most of the students in the class had learned pinyin in advance, and some students were admitted from scratch, and we were the "individual students".

At the beginning, the child will find that many people know the answer to the teacher's question immediately, and she is not so quick to say: I may not be as smart as him.

We will be stunned for a moment when we hear it. Our children are relatively young, born in August, and they are one of the youngest in the class. I told her that it's not because they're smarter, it's just because they've learned ahead of time, so you don't need to worry about it. Because other children are more than half a year older than you, they can do a lot of things in half a year, he may have learned these words, learned math problems, you may not have learned, but these are not difficult, you are now learning the same, and slowly we will be similar.

Photo source drama "Little Shede"

2

After arriving in Haidian, I have a feeling that the reason why this is an educational highland is also a kind of clustering effect.

I have a friend who is the principal of an innovative school, and she thinks that the management of these key primary schools and key middle schools in Haidian is relatively easy. First of all, the source of students is good, students have strong learning ability, self-discipline, and the learning atmosphere is relatively easy to drive, and it is easier to obtain the so-called "quiet desk".

On the other hand, parents have a high degree of cooperation, and parents will do whatever teachers tell them to do, and parents have a consensus of attaching importance to education. It is easier to implement a management system with learning at its core. Why do these schools in Haidian seem to have high quality education? Or is it a high articulation rate? It is not necessarily that the educational ability of this school or the level of teachers will be much higher, but that the set of things it promotes is relatively easy to transfer. It is made up of multiple factors.

Haidian key schools have many resources and many people, and everyone has sharpened their heads and wants to squeeze into a good school, because a good school is not only a good teacher, but also a canteen, hardware, and a large activity space.

However, the mechanism of Haidian District's small promotion to junior high school is very obscure, and it cannot conduct open entrance exams. For the school itself, its appeal is that I want to pick good students, because good students are related to the development of the school. I chatted with my friends who work at Liuxiaoqiang Middle School, and they said that their difficulty is how to find the good students they want, which is actually a problem for them. For example, it is recommended by primary school teachers, but what primary school teachers recommend is often not necessarily what they want, because in primary school, teachers value you more to be disciplined and follow the rules, but in middle school, it may pay more attention to your active thinking.

Therefore, many institutions will have a pit class, you go to the Olympiad class, you will enter the pool of institution selection, at least you are very good at mathematics, you are known, not only by the people of the Olympiad institution, but also by the admissions teachers of those key middle schools.

My child is now in the third grade, and it is inevitable that he will be promoted to junior high school in the future. But so far, our family is still an atypical Haidian family. We live near Haidian Huangzhuang, but we didn't sign up for any extracurricular classes. Many parents who live in other districts will send their children to the neighborhood for extracurricular classes, and it is very difficult to pick up and drop off, and sometimes my husband and I also tease each other, what do we enjoy? We enjoy the high housing prices and high rents here, but we don't want to use the education and training resources here.

Sometimes I go to pick up the children, parents chat, I listen to their English reading class, 17,000 a year, I feel wow, you have reported so expensive, I can't get started, of course, they can't understand me, how can they spend 15,000 a month to rent a house, there is enough money to apply for a lot of extracurricular classes. But I think living comfort is also very important, and this is a matter of one's choice, and each family has its own rationality.

In addition to the class group that must be, I didn't add any parent groups, some classmates and parents added my WeChat, I am generally invisible to the circle of friends, I don't look at yours, you don't look at me, and I don't compare with each other.

This may seem indifferent, but now a lot of information is overloaded, it is manufactured, and sometimes you are exposed to a lot of information, and you don't have the ability to discriminate, which only increases your anxiety and increases your blindness. Since you know that you are prone to anxiety, then you don't look at it, just block it, because it is still quite difficult for you to be unmoved by the information surrounding.

Photo source drama "Little Shede"

3

Although I don't have a chicken baby, I don't have the confidence to tell people, you definitely don't want a chicken baby, you don't want to teach anything before school, I don't think it's so absolute. The so-called correctness of the concept and the situation that you will encounter in reality are two levels of things. I remember Mao Jian used to say that if you live according to the doctrine, you may fail.

Before raising children, I would be more acute, and I used to look down on parents who had children who were too young, for example, I would be quite opposed to going to literacy too early, but now I don't seem to be so opposed, because in reality you can't be so stubborn, and I don't think anything is absolutely right in parenting now. When I'm different, I don't want to prove that I'm right, because he has his rationality in his situation. I used to be a journalist, and what I can do now is to write more articles on my official account, share some of my own thoughts, and dilute the information that makes people anxious.

Also, I still like to believe in some basic principles, such as that children must play, must have free time, and must have a sense of accomplishment. She needs friendly adults in her world, accepting her emotions, she has to make sure that she sleeps time, she has to exercise, she has to be close to nature, as long as these things can be provided well, I don't think she will be far behind.

As for the future, she will inevitably go through a screening, and in the end we thought, just don't care about those screening methods, how good you think, you can raise children.

I don't actually think about the question of whether she can go to college now, but more about the things in front of me, whether you accept her 70 points in a math test, or whether you accept that her handwriting is not good enough, these are these very specific things. I hope that the child's intellectual curiosity and self-drive are well protected on the road of moving forward step by step, and no matter what problems she encounters, the family will still give her support, especially psychological support.

Children will be different every year and every year, our children like to read very much, last semester held a parent-teacher conference, the teacher will say, there is a question in the Chinese exam that only two students can answer, one of them is her, said that she is very stable, may still read more books. The accumulation of ability brought about by reading may not be visible in the first grade, but it can be seen in the middle and upper grades.

Indeed, after she reached the third grade, there were obviously fewer discipline problems, and she had just been evaluated by the squadron committee, and 7 students in the class were elected to the squadron committee, and she was one of the 7 classmates, who was voted for by everyone. For our family, it was a positive cycle, whether it was her academic performance, the sense of accomplishment she received in school, and the evaluation of her teachers, it was all on the rise. The child also likes her school. In fact, children are very simple, what adults say is not rolled, children actually have no concept.

As for "Haidian", we moved to Haidian and gave away some things in exchange for some things. This includes an increase in the probability of an increase in the future, which may increase from 50% to 65%. But in the future, we will not rule out moving back to Chaoyang, if she feels uncomfortable in the education system in the system after she goes to junior high school, then we may also transfer to an innovative school. These are all possible. Whether in Chaoyang or Haidian or elsewhere, the way we believe in education will not change very much. It's a very important, self-exploring process for both her and for us.

Photo source drama "Little Shede"

In Haidian, what is the experience of being a "scumbag"?

@荔枝, 43 years old, the child is in the 5th grade of primary school

1

We originally lived in Fengtai, and moved to Haidian when our children were young.

At that time, Beijing was going to issue a 1911 policy, that is, before January 1, 2019, you bought a house in Haidian District and settled down, and the house and the school were one-to-one relationship, and after 2019, there will no longer correspond to a school, and multi-school zoning will be implemented, and we went to Haidian before the 1911 policy.

The house was bought in the Zhongguancun area, and the logic of choosing this area is relatively simple, the first is very close to our unit, less than 2 kilometers, and the second is that I took a look at this area, there is no particularly weak school, and the junior high school children will not be very bad.

Many people think that when they bring their children to Haidian, this mother must be very rolled. Actually, it's not like this.,I'm a person who doesn't like to put myself in a competitive environment.,I'm a scumbag in my bones.,A little smart.,But the kind that loves to play.,When I was a child, everyone went to evening self-study.,I also followed.,But I'm absent-minded.,Every day I'm thinking.,What can I buy to eat after class after evening self-study.。 My requirement for myself is 60 points, and when I get to that point I'll be fine.

So I came to Haidian from Fengtai, in fact, I originally wanted to lie down, and I wanted to lie down decently. My most simple idea at that time was that Haidian is such a high educational highland, and after so many years of baptism, the school's students, including parents, are all relatively academic. In such an environment, if the school is more driven, I don't have to worry so much, and the child may also get a better result.

As soon as I came here, I was very clear about my positioning, that is, a "scumbag mother" (scumbag mother), in the words of my friend, I am not worthy of being a Haidian mother.

Why? Because around me, many of my colleagues are Haidian mothers, what are these mothers like? They are very clear about their children's learning plans, their requirements are very clear, and they also have corresponding methods and resources, and she will focus on this matter, and she belongs to people with strong goals and execution.

They were too familiar with the rules of the game to anticipate what was to come. When the child is in the first grade, she already knows what the child should do from grades 1 to 6, and can ensure that she goes to tutor the child every day, finds all kinds of information on the Internet, and communicates in various groups.

We have a wonderful cow mom in our office, she has two daughters, and she can do it every day with the children. Not long after their baby was born, the walls of the house were plastered with Chinese characters and English literacy, and she took her children to recognize words every day, and the English vocabulary had exceeded 500 when she was one and a half years old. We went out to play, and her second treasure sat on the bed and flipped through 10 English picture books in one go, and she didn't need you to say it, she was there to read it. Her eldest daughter excelled in the KET exam in the first grade, and in the third grade, the PET was also excellent, and this vocabulary level can basically take the high school entrance examination.

When she was in the third grade, through a series of research, she transferred her child from an ordinary Haidian school to Jinqiu School, which is a well-known private school in Haidian, and a school opened by some teachers from the High School Affiliated to the National People's Congress. This is the real Haidian mother I came into contact with, she is not a chicken baby, forcing children to learn, let children become a machine for brushing questions, but try her best to create the best conditions for children, do her best to study and prepare, so that the child's road goes smoother, and then help children develop good learning habits and cognition from an early age, lay a good foundation, not the stereotyped kind, but very regular, planned, and very efficient to assist children in learning.

What's more, she has put so much energy and effort into her children, but she has not delayed her work at all, and she has done a good job. Many times, I feel tired when I come home from work, but she can continue to tutor her children.

Therefore, after coming to Haidian, I never wanted to be such a Haidian mother, and I didn't try to fit into any group of chicken baby mothers at all. If I have any questions, I usually go to the company to "copy homework", and I find my colleagues if I need any resources, and they will give me a clear analysis. For example, when I said that I wanted to enroll my child in an English class, she would tell me which education and training institution was good, which education and training institution had what logic, and what was cost-effective.

You may find it strange that there are so many Haidian cow mothers around me, why I am not like them, not because I don't agree, but because I can't do it. I have a deep understanding of how many pounds and taels I have, and I don't have such high expectations for my children, I don't want to embarrass myself, and I don't want to embarrass my children, so the goal is to follow like this, hoping that Haidian as an educational highland, this external environment can help me solve some problems.

Photo source drama "Little Shede"

2

In fact, the first year of the child to Haidian, the overall realization of the previous idea, in the school, the teacher is indeed very responsible, the requirements are stricter, the gap between the children is not so big, the children go to school we go to work, according to the rhythm, everything is fine. But at the beginning of the second semester of the first grade, when the epidemic was encountered, the children began to take online classes at home, and it was very, very difficult for a Buddhist mother like me in Haidian.

In the past, everyone went to school together, and the overall pace was relatively consistent, but after online classes, the situation is different. My family is a little boy, I'm sure you have also seen that kind of video, the child has an online class, you go in anytime, he is either under the table, or a pillow on his head, or reclining on the sofa, you want him to sit and study seriously through the screen, it's really too difficult.

From the second semester of the first grade to the fourth grade, the golden period for a child to establish learning interests and habits is all spent in the epidemic. This may be an opportunity for some children with good study habits and parents who have a lot of energy to tutor, because parents spend more time with them and learn more things, but because my father and I are very busy, and the family is full of elderly people with children, so my children don't want to learn in advance, and go back to school again, and they can't even keep up with the progress of school, and they are still catching up with their classmates.

I'm also going to be confused, because in every sense of the word, I don't think my baby should be that bad. Because of this child, in addition to studying, he still lives with you every day, you can see him every day, and you think that his IQ should not be as mediocre as he is now. But judging from the school's grades alone, it "looks very poor".

I don't know if other mothers and children are too good, so you don't know if your baby's level is normal or abnormal? I don't know what level a normal fifth-grade child should be, or what level it would be if everyone didn't tutor the baby and just studied in school normally, I really don't know.

You said that it is impossible not to be anxious, I can't talk to people about the baby now, go back after talking to those school bully mothers, people who don't care about me will have a headache, they will be a little anxious, your anxiety actually comes from doubting whether you have delayed the baby, not to say others, but you yourself are not working hard.

So I also made a little improvement myself, every day after work will go to ask him about his study, I never cared about it before, now I will ask him, have you finished your homework? I'll check it out and have a chat with him. I used to work hard overtime, but now I don't work so hard overtime, and I will at least promise to be home at seven or eight o'clock in the evening.

In these two semesters, two weeks before the final exam, I will help tutor him, help him review the exam content, and prepare some in advance, so that he can take the exam more calmly.

After doing this, I seem to be a more competent mother, and I feel a little less guilty.

Photo source drama "Little Shede"

3

I know very well that my child is not a spontaneous learning child, he is not the kind of child who is born willing to learn, he is just an ordinary child, he just loves to play, in addition to learning, he has many advantages, but in learning, at present, it seems that he can only be ordinary, may be worse than ordinary.

What should I do? I can only accept and "brainwash" myself.

I now feel that my child's excellent grades are not a must for me, not a matter of life and death, to put it bluntly, he can't go to college or something, and he won't be able to eat in this life. At the bottom of my heart, I will also feel that if I can't get into high school, I will still have to do it, but I am also mentally prepared for this, if this happens, I will not panic, I can go to vocational high school, or go to an international school, I think of other ways.

But I communicated with my colleagues and none of them could accept it. They themselves are top students, and they think that their children must be top students, so they think that their children should not have bad grades.

In fact, until now, I don't feel that I have done a bad job as a mother, I just say that you are in this environment, others will make you think that you are not doing well, it is difficult for people to detach themselves from the environment, you feel that you don't care, in fact, you care, because if you just hurt yourself, it doesn't matter, you are afraid of hurting your children, this is the logic.

You hurt yourself, I'm an adult, I can defuse, I can adjust, I can adapt, or I just stick my neck, and no one can help me. But the child is not, he will be affected by the environment, he will have low self-esteem, he will be unhappy, he will think why am I bad?

More than my feelings, I am more afraid that the child will regret it in the future, and I am afraid that he will not be able to accept it. I once asked him, what if you don't study hard? He said, I'm going to deliver takeaways, and I said that our family lives on the 5th floor of the stairs, and we deliver 20 takeaways on the 5th floor every day, can you accept it? The child was also silent.

I told him that the purpose of learning is to have a choice, and I don't think food delivery is bad, but I hope that there are other possibilities in your life, and you can only choose food delivery. Of course, he may not understand what this sentence means now.

Although the child will soon face the transition to junior high school, I still don't go to the chicken in particular, and I can go to junior high school according to the allocation step by step. I don't judge my children by their academic performance. Every child is different, although my child is average in learning, but he has good eyesight, he is not sick all year round, and he is very happy every day, isn't it also quite worry-free? Some of our colleagues study very well, but there are always physical problems, and they go to the hospital every three or five days, aren't you also very annoyed? It's all two-sided, and there's very little that really does anything good, and I'm still very satisfied with my child, angry and angry, and I still think he's pretty good overall.

If you have to ask me the deepest and truest thoughts in my heart, I really don't have such high expectations about the future of my child, as long as he can support himself, I don't expect him to become a rich generation, take me to become a rich 0 generation, and he will live happily by himself. For children, I can really accept a lot of things, I can accept that the child is not married, if he likes boys, I can also accept it, because I also look at Tanmei, I just hope that he has a partner, it doesn't matter if he is a man or a woman, I just hope that he can meet a good person, don't be too lonely.

As a mom, I will do my best within my ability, but these are not for him to chase success in the worldly sense, I just hope that he has a choice, and I hope that in the future we will not regret it.

Photo source drama "Little Joy"

Haidian chicken baby should be cautious, it costs money and money to pay for the mother

@楚云, 45 years old, the child is in the second year of junior high school 

1

I am a native of Pinggu, Beijing, and when my child was in the second grade, I had the idea of crossing districts for the first time, because my sister went to university in Haidian and lived in Haidian after that, and she told me that Haidian's education is the benchmark of the whole of China, so that my children will go to school in Haidian in the future, and our children will have a companion together in the future.

It was 2017, we bought a house in Haidian, but we didn't go to Haidian to study, because the child's father works in Pinggu, we weighed it, if we came to primary school, we lived separately from my father, and family companionship would be missing. Junior high school had to come, my junior high school classmate's child was admitted to Pinggu District ranked 36th, about 2,700 people were admitted to the 36th, his child went to the experimental class of the High School Affiliated to the National People's University in Haidian, the results were very unsatisfactory, it is unimaginable.

These stories will alert me, and I have been observing, and if my child really is not learning this material, I will not send it to Haidian. If the child has potential, then send it to Haidian. My child's academic performance in Pinggu is really good, so when he was in the fifth grade, I discussed with the child's father that he should go to Haidian for junior high school.

We are in the fifth grade to start preparing for cross-district, and we have to learn Olympiad mathematics, learn English, and get three good students, and we may not be selected if we have a certificate, but it is definitely not okay to have no bright spots. Our child is still very obedient, and he is willing to enroll him in the Olympiad class. But the Olympiad is really difficult, we came into contact with Pinggu too late, and the child was a little withdrawn, so I said, Mom will learn with you.

I thought it wasn't a thing at first, after all, I also went to college, how difficult it can be to learn the Olympiad in primary school, but after I really got in touch, I found that the problems of the Olympiad are completely different from ordinary math problems, and the consumption of brain power is very large.

There is also English, since the fifth grade, I have accompanied him to memorize the words of KET (Cambridge English Level 1), maybe for many Haidian children, they have finished the KET, and even passed the FCE (Cambridge English Level 3), I don't want to put so much pressure on the child, so I told him, let's just pass the KET test.

In the end, it was also the right time and place, and we still went to Haidian to study in junior high school.

Perhaps every Puwa who comes across the district will face a situation, that is, that sense of disparity. In Pinggu, we went to the best primary school in Pinggu, with more than 210 people in that class, and my child could rank in the top five grades. After arriving in Haidian, they had about 430 people in that session, and there would be no specific ranking after the school exam, but the results would be divided into four grades of ABCD, and you probably knew which range the child was in, and the child was often in the C file, so his score was between 212-318.

Of course I was in a hurry, in that case, it was very difficult not to be in a hurry, I felt that he was not good at biology, nor in mathematics, nor in English, and I didn't know how to alleviate this anxiety, so I signed up for some one-on-one classes for my child without his consent, biology on Wednesday, math on Thursday, and English on Friday, and that's probably how it was arranged.

But just like this for two months, at the end of the term, I found that there is no difference between registering for class and not registering for class, and there is no difference between children's grades, at this time as a parent I am a little broken, because I have never encountered this situation before, and I am ranked low in the class, and I have not improved for half a day.

One of the better things about our family is that I can communicate with my child on an equal footing, so I chatted with him calmly, and the child was very honest, and he said that he didn't like me to enroll him in class, especially without his consent, he said that he knew what his problems were. In the end, the result of our discussion is that we have reached a consensus, if you need to register for a class or something else, you come to me, I will find you a teacher, if you don't need it, even if I can't stand this grade, you think you can, then we are OK.

Despite my anxiety, in the end I chose to trust my child, who talked to me from the bottom of my heart, and I had to respect his ideas.

Photo source drama "Come on! Mom 

2

Although it seems that I am very light when I talk about this now, my mental journey has been quite volatile in the middle. Because after you arrived in Haidian, there was too much difference between you and before Pinggu, and you would think, alas, why did my child do this all of a sudden? I really can't accept it, you really want to enroll him in the class, and after signing up for the class, you think, why can't this grade go up?

Many parents who bring their children to Haidian across districts may have to face such a tangle, on the one hand, they don't want to be too chicken, but on the other hand, the general environment is also coercing you every day.

Perhaps because the competition is too fierce, the atmosphere of Haidian and Pinggu are still very different. In the past, when we were in Pinggu, we found good teachers who would share very selflessly and shout loudspeakers, but not in Haidian, the problem of children's learning is a sensitive topic.

In Haidian, many parents can't admit that their children are at a disadvantage, and they will be used to comparing their children with other people's children. Some mothers, as soon as the results come out, she will ask me, how did your son do in the exam? For example, this midterm exam, I said that we can do physics, and the mother didn't believe it, and she wouldn't tell me how her daughter did in the exam, so there was no follow-up, and this situation has been two or three times.

By communicating with my children about extracurricular classes, I also began to think about one thing: is it for the sake of the children or for the parents themselves to enroll in extracurricular classes?

Parents in Haidian generally have a strong demand for extracurricular classes, and many families have full schedules for Saturday and Sunday classes. But does it really work? Many online extracurricular classes, said to be learning, in fact, children are also hanging to play games, in fact, parents don't want them to fall behind, parents want them to learn, but from the children's own heart, they don't want to learn, so the money is spent in vain.

But the thinking logic of some parents is not to say that I signed up for a class, and if I didn't see the effect, I would stop in moderation, they would not stop in moderation, they would just throw more money into it, because they would not admit that their children were inferior to others, or put themselves in the shoes of their children, thinking that my children may be really tired, and his solution is, I will enroll you in more classes.

In the end, I pretend to study, parents want psychological comfort, and the child will perform and learn to show you, but in fact, every child needs time to rest, and it is impossible for him not to be entertained.

Parents in Haidian are really willing to invest in education, even if they are working-class, for example, if the family has an annual income of 500,000 yuan, they can spend 300,000 yuan or more for their children. But this is also a question, do you really want to smash the pot and sell iron for the sake of the chicken baby, and even sacrifice the quality of life?

When our children were in Pinggu, they had a particularly good little friend, they were really smart, and the parents were also very hardworking, and they took their children to the city on Saturdays and Sundays to take Gaosi math and Gaosi English when they were very young, and they went to different campuses, and they went for a day. I leave at 6 a.m., start at 8:30 a.m., have a two-and-a-half-hour class, have a meal at noon, and go to the Gongzhufen campus at 2 p.m. to have another English class.

But later parents found that if you want to continue to rise a little higher, you not only need to be accompanied by parents throughout the process, but also need a strong financial foundation, as little as more than 100,000 yuan, and as much as 300,000 yuan. In the end, the parent of the little friend said that he couldn't keep up, so he gave up.

Therefore, the chicken baby is a very complicated thing, if it is not good, it will cost money to pay for the mother, especially in the environment of Haidian, it is necessary to have the ability to think independently, and not blindly follow the trend.

Photo source drama "Little Shede"

3

In fact, in Haidian, there is a subtlety between parents, but children are still relatively simple. My son has a top student in his class, and he will tell my son how his mother arranges his study, what are the workbooks he makes, and another classmate said to my son, you buy this workbook, this is my mother's new one for me, I think it's very good. Children at this age should help each other in this way and grow up healthy.

Now that I have adjusted my mentality, I no longer pay so much attention to my son's studies, and I have done a good job in his logistics, and I have found that his grades are gradually rising. In this midterm exam, he scored 92 points in physics, and his score was very high in grade B, close to grade A. Now I see my son come back every day, he is very happy, he doesn't hate going to school, he thinks that his classmates are very good to him, he is improving little by little at his own pace, and that's enough.

I've always felt that the happiness of children is very important. My child now has a classmate in the class, the parents grew up in Haidian since childhood, and also learned the Olympiad, but the learning is not very good, she feels that her child must not lose at the starting line of the Olympiad, the second grade began to teach the child the Olympiad, and shuttled between various institutions on the weekend, English, Chinese, mathematics, all learned.

This kid is really good, the fourth grade has already taken the first prize of the Spring Festival Cup, the English FCE has passed, and the first prize of the Ye Shengtao Cup has also been completed, it's just amazing, we were still stupid in the fourth grade. But it was also this child, after going to junior high school, he began to get tired of school, and he also had a tendency to be depressed, and the family was so anxious that there was nothing they could do.

This state lasted for almost a year, until the first semester of the second year of junior high school, when the child made two good friends, and my son was one of them. The mother told me that her son said that he liked to play with my son very much, that my son has a good personality, plays basketball well, and has his own way of learning, and she said that she doesn't understand why her child doesn't learn now?

I'm also a straight talker, because I'm more familiar, so I said, I guess you pushed your child too hard since he was a child, and now he needs time to heal, you should still respect him. This incident also made me reflect once again that not every child is suitable for this very high-pressure learning style.

Last week, I just had a parent-teacher conference for my son, and their grade director is very good, the kind that can get along with the children, and he talked for a long time, one of which is the relief and comfort for the children who did not do well after the midterm exam results, and after the meeting, two or three children really went to him, saying that they felt that they did not do well in the exam, and they could not explain when they went home. I felt very uncomfortable listening to it, and in my opinion, no matter what kind of test the child did, it should not make the child afraid to go home.

It also reminds me that when I was a child, my parents were not chicken babies and would do their best to protect our hobbies. I was born in 1979, my sister was born in 1976, I remember that in 1987, my sister liked the electronic keyboard, at that time it was more than 80 yuan a piece, and the workers of the iron rice bowl were only seventy or eighty yuan a month, and my mother also bought it for my sister. I felt that my parents' education of me and my sister made us very spiritually rich, and later, on the street in our village, my sister and I passed the exam. Of course, the competition is more fierce now, and the environment faced by the children is also different, and we also came to Haidian from Pinggu, but I still want to continue this thing.

Photo source drama "Little Shede"

                    Coming to Haidian,

From expecting the "ceiling" to accepting the "floor"

 @土松, 42 years old, the child is in his second year of junior high school

1

I used to be a very Buddhist mother.

We belong to the category that didn't intend to roll at all in the first place, but just planned to lie flat. My father and I are both from Beijing, his family is in Haidian, my family is in Chaoyang, after the child was born, I didn't think so much, and the child's father's household registration fell in his house.

If you go to kindergarten according to the household registration, our children's counterpart is the Blue Sky Kindergarten directly under the Air Force, and the first program of the Spring Festival Gala for several years is the kindergarten child performing. I've heard of people trying to get into that kindergarten, but I really didn't understand what they were going to do.

Our children go to the kindergarten in Chaoyang, and they go to the kindergarten at the doorstep, including the elementary school, and they go to the ordinary primary school at the doorstep, and Chaoyang is not the one that is ranked. My idea is also very simple, study, all on your own, school or something, where can you go. So we don't deliberately learn anything in the children's primary school years, we can't find children to play on the weekends from the first to the fourth grade, because everyone has an extracurricular class, we don't go to anything, we either stay at home on the weekends, or go out to play.

My colleagues around me all told me how to roll, I didn't feel anything, and even laughed at others, it was unnecessary, the child was a piece of material, and it was useless to force it. I can say that I am completely unaware of how difficult it is for children in Beijing to get admitted to universities now.

The turning point in my cognition came when my child was in the fourth grade, when the child was young and wanted to go to a training institution to learn Cambridge KET, which is the Cambridge English exam, my child was a little strong, and took the initiative to tell me that he also wanted to learn, so I signed him up. When I arrived in the new environment of the training course, it was a new world. Although it is an English class, it will inevitably be linked to the junior high school, and the teachers of the institution will have a lot of lectures, and there will be a lot of analysis of the school, analysis of further education, and a lot of data support, you will find that the world is completely different from what you imagined.

My previous understanding was that children and I were fooling around, just take the 985 test, that's the idea. But the reality is that a considerable number of Beijing children may not even be able to attend ordinary high school. Even if you go to an ordinary high school, it's not easy to get a decent one. If it is an ordinary school outside of Dongcheng Xicheng Haidian, it is basically necessary to arrange the top few classes.

In retrospect, the institution was a bit of information bombardment and a bit of anxiety, but people didn't talk nonsense, and the elimination rate from junior high school to high school was still very high. So the question is, if your child can't go to high school, can't go to college, can you accept it?

I think back to when we were in school, we all grew up naturally, we could go to high school, we could go to college. When I was in school, the whole junior high school was mixed up, how rotten our school was at that time, a class of 240 children, only two went to ordinary high schools every year, and we had the most, eight went to ordinary high schools, and indeed I went to it. But then I would think that when I was in junior high school, my own psychology, including the psychology of my family, didn't think that if I couldn't go to high school, it would be a big deal.

At that time, there will be some grades upside down, a good secondary school score is higher than the ordinary high school score, I will feel that the secondary school and vocational high school are very good, can be assigned to the airport, can be assigned to the hotel, those jobs are very foreign, very high. Parents also feel that their children can come out to earn money after three years, how good it is, it is that kind of mentality.

But now, the whole social environment is different, many units have to look at the first degree, and some must be graduate students to have the basic qualifications for job hunting, based on this situation, everyone will feel that they can't go to high school, which is simply unacceptable.

There are still many parents around me, and they can't accept it, they have put in a lot of effort to enter Beijing, stay in Beijing, and their expectations for their children are different from ours, and they will feel that their children stand on my shoulders and are better than me.

Photo source drama "Little Shede"

2

At first, the child's father was actually not very interested in the cross-district matter, he was more Buddha than me, and felt that we lived here quite comfortably, and did not want to change anything.

Later, I also took him to a lecture, and he was also very shocked, and he figured out the logic in it. Chaoyang District is also considered an education district, and the education at the junior high school level is actually okay, but it has few good high schools, and you have to study very well to enter the key high schools in Chaoyang District, and the district focus of Chaoyang District, within the scope of high schools in Beijing, is difficult to rank in the top 50.

After knowing this information, the child's father immediately understood why I had to cross districts and choose a school to return to Haidian. Because when you understand the information clearly, you will feel guilty, and you will feel that the child is relatively okay, and it may be because your parents are not working hard enough, not doing their duty enough, and delaying the child. Therefore, it is really difficult for people to avoid vulgarity, and once you really understand what the relationship is, it is difficult for you to remain calm.

If the children are not left behind, they can be in a median of Haidian, at least they can go to high school, at least it is better than staying in the original environment.

If you don't have a Haidian hukou and don't have the conditions to go back to Haidian to go to school, you still need to make a lot of determination if you really want to choose to buy a house across the district and come back. We already have a Haidian hukou, and when we go back to school in Haidian, everyone will feel that you have finally figured out this, you should have done it a long time ago, and you have finally returned to the right path. In fact, when the child was a child, someone expressed his incomprehension to me, thinking that you can go to school in Haidian, why should you stay in Chaoyang to go to school. At that time, I felt that there was no need, and I still had a psychological advantage, as if you were thinking more clearly than others, but later I found out that this was not the case, in fact, I just took it for granted.

In the past few years, it has been really difficult to return to Haidian across districts from the beginning of the year, because there is no exam, and each school has its own method of selecting people. Everyone is recognized as metaphysics, the whole process is very tormenting, about half a year or so, parents are nervous, you don't know when there will be any movement, maybe a movement, parents are like frightened birds, useful or useless to try it, swarm with resumes to the school gate to vote, maybe the school throws garbage cans in the end, then you always have to try.

We started to prepare from the fourth and fifth grades of the child, the most intense was the fifth grade, that year basically weekends were running around in the extracurricular class, my family went to Haidian to go to the extracurricular class quite far, basically across the city, the four rings diagonal, where he had been to the extracurricular class on weekends before, but the child basically did not complain, because he also wanted to go to Haidian, wanted to go to a better school.

In the end, we went to a school that advocated quality education.

From Chaoyang to Haidian, the style is completely different. Before I came, my education about Haidian's mother and Haidian was just a legend and knew that it was very rolled, as for how to roll and what kind of environment it was, the feeling of being in it was still very different from that outside.

Many Haidian parents have changed their destiny by learning, so everyone has a unified understanding in their minds that they must learn and have academic qualifications. Many of these parents who can stay in Beijing are elites, a Ph.D. graduate from Tsinghua University, if his child can't go to high school or college, he will think that what I have been fighting for in the first half of my life, which is completely unacceptable emotionally.

In Chaoyang, "volume" may be a game for some people, volume and not volume are two worlds, but you go to Haidian, this division is not very obvious, I think to Haidian is basically all in the volume, but the result of the volume is different, the volume is successful, the volume is to the tip, the child enters Haidian six small strong, the child who does not succeed in the volume, his level is not bad, but he did not finally stand out.

In the past, when I was in Chaoyang, our children's grades were also very good, I often heard other parents say, if my children can be like your XX I will be content, which gives me an illusion, I will feel that after the child comes to Haidian, a little hard work, and others are similar, he will enter the ranks of good students.

But when you actually get here, you'll find that it's really different. Many Haidian children have been studying at high intensity since the first grade of primary school, and the habits they have developed since childhood have laid a very solid foundation. Many people are learning ahead of time, and they have basically eaten all the knowledge of junior high school when they are in junior high school, and they have begun to learn high school knowledge in junior high school, and there is a "wall" between my children and them.

My child's English in primary school is very good, eight classes in the whole grade, he is also in the top few, after studying in Haidian junior high school, he wants to apply to be the representative of the English class, a class of 25 children, 17 have applied for the English class representative, the teacher set a lot of rules for them to PK, and finally he failed.

He didn't specifically talk to me about these, one night we talked very casually about applying for English class representatives, I said then did you choose, he said don't mention it, our class is very good, English he has taken the certificate, others also have, mathematics everyone has learned eight per capita, he only learned seven, and two classmates have learned the second year of high school.

He himself muttered, oops, the pressure is so high, I didn't ask him too much, but I didn't feel good after listening to it, although I was mentally prepared, I knew that Haidian was very rolly, but when you heard the child say this, I really felt that the impact was quite big.

Photo source drama "Little Shede"

3

As for Haidian, many people have a wrong impression of it, thinking that Haidian's education method is the "Hengshui model", where children are enclosed and study hard, but in fact, most Haidian schools are not like this.

It is said that Chaoyang District grasps quality education, Haidian District grasps exam-oriented education, it is not the case, people's quality education is also high, I can feel it myself, I really feel that most of the children are very good here, and you will feel that you have broken through your cognition of a junior high school student when you have more contact. They have their own opinions, the ability to deal with things, their own strengths, and ideas. Sometimes I'm joking, I say these children, you can just take one of them to our unit, and it's no problem to be an assistant, you can just get started.

and Haidian's mother, who has always been a little demonized. Many parents are also constantly reflecting, you say that it is completely blind, just for the sake of chicken children, rigidly brushing the questions, the real Haidian mother is not like this. Children are a new generation of children, and parents are also parents of a new generation. Now parents in Haidian, whether it is for their children's learning or the direction of future growth, its overall planning is very rhythmic, and it is not exactly the kind of simple chicken baby.

The most special thing about the middle school that my child is studying now is that the children can find their own place, and they will not say that learning is the only criterion, and maybe the children will have a full sense of respect. Many of their homework is not purely exam-oriented, sometimes they have to do PPT, shoot videos, and let them do news programs, do news broadcasts, and many things that we only started to do in high school and college They started doing in junior high school. Teachers rarely look for parents, for example, if the child does not write his homework or does not do well in the exam, the child solves it himself.

So I think it's a big harvest to come to Haidian to let children increase their cognitive knowledge and exercise their comprehensive quality.

The children themselves have indeed gained a lot. His primary school life is not very pleasant, he has no real friends, he is very withdrawn, to the junior high school environment, I am happiest is that he quickly found his good friend, the kind of dead friend, he is also very committed to their school, the child sometimes comes back and will say, he is very proud to be in this school, very integrated.

There's another thing that I think is pretty good. Didn't he not be selected as the representative of the English class, he felt that his badminton was very good, and he went to participate in the selection of the badminton school team, and he was full of confidence to choose, but he was not selected. But he was not greatly affected, he is a Taurus, he always picks and counts every day, but he didn't choose badminton that day, and he went to the school restaurant to order a glass of watermelon juice, he said, I have to treat myself, I didn't expect that a child who was so sensitive before has now found a little self-explanatory ability. That's really comforting to me.

But for children like us who only came to Haidian at the beginning of the year, the pressure on learning is indeed very great, after all, you are lagging behind a lot in front of you, and you have to keep catching up.

Now that my child is in the second year of junior high school, I find that mathematics is even more polarized, one wave of children takes forty or fifty points, and one wave of children takes eighty or ninety points, that is, if you haven't studied in advance, you may only be able to take the forty or fifty test, and if you have learned, you can take the eighty or ninety test, and you haven't learned it in advance at all, and you still learn it very well, I think it's a minority. Some time ago, they had a math exam, the full exam took two hours, the teacher gave them 40 minutes, my child only scored 40 points, but they still got 110 points in their grade, and even got extra points.

We parents joked with each other, you look at the school grades, I and the top students are only 99 points and 100 points apart, that may be a different paper, we are actually 0 points and 100 points apart, there is really a wall.

Then everyone has no choice but to arch forward. In Chaoyang, if you want to save an extracurricular class, you may not be able to save for half a month, it is difficult for parents to unify, this says that our children have to go to bed before eight o'clock, and that says that children have to eat extra meals when they come back from school, and they can't be hungry, and they can't do it on weekends, and they have to go out to play on weekends. But the parents in Haidian will come to line up in advance, without saying a word to pay the money.

You have to fight, either you have to fight for financial resources, or you have to fight for the high level of parents, and you have to fight the same. The kind of child who doesn't chicken at all, just relies on the child's own, whether he has grown up particularly well, I think there must be. But I've heard more that parents don't pay much attention to education for children who are originally very good, and when they enter relatively poor middle schools, the children are delayed.

So I see that the child can't keep up with some subjects, and I will also enroll him in a tutoring class, which is actually to reassure myself, and in the future, I can say that I did my best.

Photo source drama "Little Shede"

4

As a former "Buddhist" parent, I have been in a very tangled and contradictory state of mind for the past two years.

At present, Beijing's education is really sailing against the current, and the fault tolerance rate is too low. When we were young, some classmates were able to react in the third year of junior high school, but now it is impossible. At the end of the second year of junior high school every year, those students who can't keep up with their studies and are at the bottom of the queue may ask you to sign a vocational high school as soon as possible, and the school will tell parents that their children should not suffer this crime, sign early, and they can choose a little more and go to a better vocational high school.

In fact, children and parents are not given a lot of time and space to prepare, or to slowly adjust and make mistakes. Why are you waiting for high school to work hard, it won't give you this opportunity at all.

I also think that quality education will definitely be more beneficial to children's physical and mental development in the long run, but the problem is that when you are in it, it is actually difficult for you to achieve a balance of mentality, you will be constantly affected by the external environment and various information, and it is difficult for you to remain calm.

Seeing that the child is so tired, I will also doubt myself, whether my choice is worth it, whether this path is right, will it go against the original intention, the child has only been in childhood for a few years, and such a chicken will not be effective, so I repeatedly doubt myself. When I was most pessimistic, I would even persuade myself that if he was willing to learn, he would learn, and if he didn't want to learn, he wouldn't learn, and if he wanted to go in the international direction in the future, he would just go to a university abroad, so that everyone would be unhappy all these years. But maybe in a few days, I will come back to the taste, and I will be coerced by the environment again, although I understand the reason, but I still don't want the child to be screened out.

When the child was in primary school in Chaoyang, his grades were very good, and the child would have a little sense of superiority, I think about it now, maybe I will also have some sense of superiority, and I feel that my education is okay, and my work is relatively decent and stable.

I sometimes joke that with my academic qualifications, I am illiterate among the parents of my children's current school. If other parents are not doctoral supervisors, or the family is from Tsinghua University, I will also think, then why do I ask my children to be very outstanding here, that is not scientific, right? Therefore, it is necessary to slowly reconcile with the child, and also reconcile with yourself.

Maybe in the first year of junior high school, I was still more anxious, I wanted to pay attention to his learning, and also to pay attention to whether the child did his homework every day, whether the questions left by the school were difficult, and whether our school would be too loose compared with other schools.

Now I don't pay too much attention to his studies, he is not the kind of person who pulls his hips, it is difficult for him to enter the top six, but he can also focus on the next district with hard work, and my mentality is slowly calm.

I think the vast majority of Haidian parents I have come into contact with are actually this mentality, not that I want to make a chicken for our children, I want him to go to Qingbei, this mentality of parents is not absent, but very few, the vast majority of parents are I want him to go to college, at least to support himself in the future, he can have a job in the future, all of them are this mentality. People will continue to lower their expectations and slowly realize that most children are actually ordinary children.

Think about the first time we came to Haidian, our assumption is that to a better environment, the educational environment is different, the ceiling is not the same, there are many expectations for children, now we don't talk about the ceiling, the ceiling has nothing to do with us, we are always on the floor, but you still feel different, although the ceiling has nothing to do with me, but the floor is not the same.

The past two years have indeed been very hard, the children have worked hard, the adults have worked hard, moved and tossed, but I still don't regret it. At least we did our best and gave the child a choice.

Now the vibe of our whole family is also different. This year, I began to prepare for the law exam, but also thinking that after going home, my study is also a kind of companion for him, just he learns by himself, adults are there to swipe the mobile phone, the child must feel bad, now there is a learning atmosphere at home, he learns from him, I learn mine, I invest in my own business, and I don't pay too much attention to his business.

A while ago, they did another 40-minute math test, and he scored 70 points, and he was very happy, of course, he still scored 100 points. But he made progress on his own, and that day, he came back to tell us the news, and my dad and I were very happy. I said, "Yo, that's great, passed, and when we were done, my kid was a little embarrassed, but all three of us were laughing so much."

Photo source drama "Little Shede"

(Thanks to Uncle Ma and Songxia for their help with this article)

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