When brushing Weibo, I saw a wordless hot search: the birthday cake was full of textbooks and the boy collapsed and cried.
Just from the reading and discussion of these 200 million people, you can see how much anger this has caused.
What's going on?
On January 8, Ms. Zhang of Xuzhou, Jiangsu Province, prepared a cake full of textbooks for her son at the 11th birthday party, and wrote: The earth is not destroyed for a day, you have to write homework.
Ms. Zhang said that the cake was originally Pikachu, but thinking that the child was about to take the final exam and play games every day, she temporarily changed it herself and reminded him to review it well.
Ms. Zhang, who posted the video, may still be proud and consider herself humorous, but the child broke down and cried after seeing it.
At the thought of getting a gift that he didn't want to see at all on his long-awaited birthday, Xiao Tongjun felt that this little child was very pitiful.
Netizens said that this is not fun, but the bad taste of adults, in other words, he has already gone crazy and smashed the cake.
Xiao Tongjun also found that some of the parents' practices are really strange, often in the name of making children unhappy in the name of being good for their children.
Like these practices, it is really toxic to children!
01, when the child is most happy, it is greatly disappointed
With a curious mood, Xiao Tongjun searched for news in this regard, and the same practice was actually not in the minority.
The second child sister's 3rd birthday, the mother pit baby sent the exercise book;
The mother prepares a mysterious gift for the primary school student and opens it to the exercise book;
Granddaughter's birthday, grandma spoof to send exercise books, granddaughter on the spot tears...
Suddenly, it was found that Chinese parents seemed to have a common disease, keen to make their children unhappy, see the stitches and needles disappointed, and do not feel happy at the happiest moments of their children, and be complacent.
Children with good grades, send a set of exercise books, and then continue to encourage; children with poor grades, send a set of exercise books, diligent can make up for clumsiness; children are still young, send a set of exercise books, stupid birds fly first; children are older, but also to send a set of exercise books, the more the merrier.
For parents, sending exercise books on their children's birthdays may be fun on the one hand, and "motivate" the child.
But whether it is simply amusing or eager, for whatever reason, this is not necessarily the way the child likes, and the child is not necessarily happy.
In the video, which of the children who receive learning materials or exercise books is really smiling?
And why must the child be greatly disappointed when he is most worth celebrating and should be most happy?
Think about it in another position, if it is an adult himself, on the birthday day, he was praised by the leader and said, "It's almost the end of the year again, reward you for working overtime for 2 hours a day this month, more overtime, there is progress, and the salary is high!" ”
Adults will also collapse.
The person concerned thinks it is funny before it is called a joke. Even if it is a relative, the child feels uncomfortable, only the adults feel happy, this is not called humor, but excessive.
Such an approach satisfies the parents' own desire to preach, highlights the authority and status of their own elders, but mentally tortures the children.
Even if you are eager to send books, you can choose some more relaxed books:
Send picture books and handmade books for children who are not in school, tell stories with children; send some interesting puzzle books or fairy tale books for primary school children to let children feel the fun in books; send some prose poems or classic masterpieces to junior high school children, so that children can experience the beauty of classics, these are not much better than directly sending children a bunch of boring exercise books?
For the good of children, there is not only a way to urge them to learn, so that children fall in love with reading, starting from interest is a good choice.
02, in front of friends and family to expose the child short
To say that parents like to do the most, and the children's least favorite things, publicly expose the child short, must be on the list.
People come and go, friends and family get together, talk about their children, often become one of the important topics.
Chatting and talking, you will like to pull some of the trouble in your child's past.
For example, when a child goes to the wrong toilet when he is a child, he is bitten by a dog, he is found stealing the neighbor's fruit, he once scored 0 points on an exam, he ran away from home in an awkward way with his parents, his parents cried when they wanted to leave, and he was beaten by his father when he did something wrong.
Parents use these children's past as "laughing stock" as a talking point, and other adults also like to joke about these "stems" with children, over and over again, tirelessly.
Some parents, when they talk about their interest, can't help but laugh or repeat the old things to accuse a few words.
But children don't like the taste of being used as a joke.
For adults, it is "paragraph", it is "stem", but for children sitting in front of everyone, it is like a fish in the throat, like a needle felt, like a man's back.
A netizen complained:
A group of relatives eat at my house for the New Year,
While eating, my mother began to talk about my troubles.
The point is, I told her,
Don't talk about it! Don't talk about it! Don't talk about it!!!
More than once! Will say it every time!
I can't help but want to explode, she still can't change, I am speechless!
This seems to be a Chinese custom, or the result of excessive modesty.
Parents care a lot about their children, and they are embarrassed to say that their children are good, so they have to expose their children's shortcomings and cover up their inner self-satisfaction.
But such a practice hurts the child's heart and damages the child's self-esteem, and the slightly older child will even feel that the parents are insulting themselves when they hear such a revelation, so they have resentment towards the parents.
It's no exaggeration to say that.
Think about whether you are also tired of being mentioned by others over and over again? Even a loved one?
Therefore, there are some problems that are really not suitable for external "publicity", parents want to "expose" children with others, may wish to "think twice".
03, always compare children with others
Remember the aggrieved bully boy in "The Boy Says"?
The boy climbed onto the roof and shouted to his mother: "Every time I get a perfect score in math, my mother will always say, it's normal, others are much better than you." ”
It is hard to imagine that a child with a domineering aura on his head is full of grievances and incomprehension in his heart.
In the face of her son's crying, the mother standing under the stage responded very palely: "I am just afraid of your pride and want you to work harder." ”
In the mother's view, comparing her own child with others is to hope that he will learn from the strengths of others and make up for his own shortcomings.
But when the boy heard this, he cried even louder.
Obviously, the way mothers motivate their children is to use better children and constantly compare with their own children to stimulate their children's self-motivation.
As everyone knows, this kind of comparison is the "most hated" education method in children's hearts.
A netizen shared her story: from childhood to adulthood, her grades are not top-notch, in the eyes of her parents, she and others are not at all comparable.
Before graduating from college, my parents said: Look at your classmates who went to college, you can make money to support your family, you are so old that your family is worried.
When she was in graduate school abroad, she studied a lot of professional coursework, and her roommate worked part-time with relative ease. But my parents are nagging: If others can work, you can't fight?
Just after graduating from work, my parents said: What is the use of graduate school, your sister has worked for a few years, and she has a down payment for the house.
Growing all the way and trying to rebuild self-confidence again and again, I am always hit in such a contrast without a trace.
Parenting expert Lan Hai teacher said that often compared in this way, children will easily become learned helpless and lack the confidence to be self-motivated.
When parents use a comparative vision, always comparing their children's weaknesses with the advantages of others, it will seriously dampen their self-esteem and make children have a desperate and helpless mentality.
Carrying the psychological pressure of being inferior to others for a long time will eventually crush their inner selves.
04. Conclusion
As parents, we have so much to learn.
Learn to understand the child's mood so that he can have pure happiness; learn to respect the child's wishes and let him maintain his dignity; learn to appreciate the child's advantages and let him develop enough self-confidence.
Some of the practices that we are accustomed to but are not necessarily correct should be changed, and we must change.
Click [Like], with your support, the child will be more motivated.
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