"Heal Yourself" Series V
In recent years, there has been more and more criticism of the family, and many people are victims of the family, who have experienced business failures and emotional losses, and have begun to reflect and attribute part of the reason to the harm caused by the family to themselves.
At the same time, most people point the finger at their parents, believing that their parents are the culprits who cause harm to themselves.
Is this really the case?
Have we ever thought that, in fact, although parents are perpetrators, they are also victims of the family?
Nana and her husband have been married for 7 years, because of frequent conflicts, divorced and remarried, after 3 times, they had to consult a psychologist.
Nana told the doctor that her husband had failed to start a business many times, and he was very anxious to let his husband find a job, but he did not listen to persuasion and insisted on starting a business. Therefore, after every entrepreneurial failure, Nana will have a big fight with her husband, and even go to the point of divorce.
After the persuasion of their parents, Nana and her husband felt that it was just a whim, and the emotional basis was still there, and they went through the remarriage. After several back and forths, Nana and her husband were very tired, and only then did they think of finding a psychologist to come up with an idea.
Nana was born in an one-child family, and is a two-generation single transmission, naturally the core of the whole family, from childhood has not suffered hardships in life, at the same time, the desire to control is also relatively strong.
But Nana's childhood was not happy, her parents were in business, and they gave Nana less companionship and care.
Nana's father is an only son, who has been spoiled since childhood, and even if he has children, he often quarrels with Nana's mother at home and throws things.
Nana's mother, born in a large family, was compared with her brothers and sisters by her mother from an early age, so when Nana grew up, she would also compare Nana with the children of the neighbors.
Growing up in such an environment, Nana unconsciously developed a bad temper like her father and had the same behavior habits as her mother.
Nana's husband was born in the countryside, it was difficult to go to college, came out of the mountains, always hoped to change his life, not willing to work for others, he and a few like-minded friends chose to start a business.
However, the road to entrepreneurship is not smooth, there are fewer times to make money and more times to lose money.
As long as she found that her husband was losing money in business, Nana not only did not give comfort, but often sneered, saying that her husband was not as good as his friends, although he was the boss, in fact, he did not earn more than the employees.
The husband grew up in Mune, and did not quarrel, usually did not say a word, or left home to escape quarrels. Without a response, Nana was even more uncomfortable, smashing everything that could be thrown to the ground in the house, and the home was often a mess.
After the doctor learned about the situation, he treated all the members of Nana's family, so that Nana's life slowly returned to the right track.
Nana's situation may not be exceptional.
We have thousands of years of historical and cultural traditions, our parents always only care about the overall interests of the family, not pay much attention to the personal growth process, such children naturally do not know how to think from the perspective of others.
Nana doesn't realize that she has been influenced by her original family and has copied some of the bad behavior patterns of her native family to her new family; she also doesn't realize that the logic of her parents' behavior may not be right.
Because we have been educated, parents have always known more than children, and children have no right to question their parents' behavior.
And parents are deeply influenced by pragmatism, believing that being able to give their children material security is to fulfill the responsibility of parents.
Because of the limitations of living conditions, traditional parents basically do not guide their children's behavior habits, and they do not have time to help their children cultivate a mature mind.
As a result, the bad behavior of the family is passed on viciously from generation to generation, causing great trouble to our lives.
We must lift the traditional curse of "hurting people at home", on the one hand, we must carry forward the traditional tradition of home-centered excellence, on the other hand, we must also take into account the cultivation and guidance of individual minds and behavioral habits.
We need to make good use of pragmatic thinking and let pragmatism serve our lives, not adversely affect our lives.