Allowing children to communicate with themselves is a matter of keen concern for every family and every parent. Learn to communicate effectively, not only for communication, but for how to be effective, to understand how to adopt the appropriate communication style, the use of the appropriate expression skills, so as to achieve our intended communication purposes.
One:
When parents are in a hurry, they say something
Vent your emotions
● As soon as the child loses his temper, many parents will be in chaos, so they begin to exert authority to simply and rudely oppress the child to accept. In fact, doing so will only make the child unconvinced, thinking that the parents are quite unreasonable. Over time, parent-child communication will become less and less smooth. The child either becomes depressed and cowardly, or becomes obedient.
Plus, "You don't... Mom doesn't like you anymore" It's best not to say that. We have always stressed the importance of building a sense of security for our children. Parental love cannot be conditional.
Threatening young children with such terrible words may work for a while, but the shadow buried in the child's psychology is invisible and difficult to erase. Or the child already has a certain cognitive judgment ability, and he finds that you are just threatening her as a measure of interest, just "talking", then it is even more meaningless.
Two:
Parents say too many "no",
Too many "threatening" words
● In the face of children's disobedience, parents say the most "no". Use command, power-style no,to demand obedience from children. However, this prohibition either stimulates the child to rebel or suppresses the child's autonomy. In fact, using more positive words and giving children more choices is more effective. Like what:
"You don't run so fast!" Replace it with "Please walk a little slower, we can feel the scent of the earth and the beauty of the grass and flowers as we walk." ”
"You're so lazy, you've made your room so dirty, you don't want to clean it up yet." Replace it with "Please clean up your room, Mom knows you're a clean child." ”
"Don't be picky eaters, don't eat that, don't eat that." See as you grow older and thinner! Replace it with "See this is little green!" Eat it can grow very tall too! ”
"Don't play with food when eating." Replace it with "Food is for eating, and when you are full, you become a Hercules!" ”
"You can't tear the paper." Replace it with "These pieces of paper are for drawing, not for tearing." "At the same time, some scrap newspapers, etc. are provided for children to tear up."
"You can't eat sugar." Replace it with "Sugar to be eaten after meals." When we finish eating, we can eat a piece of sugar. Give the child a reason why not.
The child is not listening to himself, saying, "How can you always be absent-minded, and you have not heard what I say." "Until the voice is raised and shouted, hoping to be enough deterrent to the child." Instead, look directly into the child's eyes and gently but firmly tell the child: "Mom has something important to tell you, and you have to listen carefully." ”
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Scenario 3:
Parents' words are beyond the child's ability to understand
● Use less complex causal reasoning sentences and avoid using "if, just", because these sentences either the child cannot understand or the child has a feeling of being threatened, and cannot play a good communication effect.
In particular, don't use "If you don't, I won't." For example, many mothers like to say: "If you don't obey, I won't take you out to play", "If you don't eat food, I won't give you snacks.".
● This kind of sentence pattern does not provide more choices for the child, which is easy to cause poor parent-child communication, and it is always negative, just like threatening the child, but it will cause the child to challenge the rules set by the mother.
Scenario 4:
Parents say too much nonsense
● A large number of parents have headaches for their children's "disobedience". The first peak of children's disobedience appears in "1-3 years old". This period is a hurdle for both parents and children.
At this time, the child is in a period of rebellion. The rebellious period is not about the child fooling around. Kids have kids persistence. They only become more stubborn when they find themselves unable to get the attention of their parents.
If children do not listen to their parents, it is likely that the children are "disobedient", but that adults are "too difficult to talk to".
● In addition, when the child is disobedient, parents should choose the right time and opportunity to communicate with the child. Don't look at the child's small, children within one year old already have a variety of emotions; children in more than one year old already know how to "remember revenge"; two- and three-year-old children begin to "lie", and even have strong self-esteem.
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