How on earth can we have a perfect marriage?
A reader, married three times, divorced three times, every time she got married, she felt that the other person was the right person, but after each marriage, she felt that she had found the wrong person.
The first time, she felt that there was no way to communicate with each other, completely in the same channel, the second term, she could not stand the other party did not understand romance at all, always did not understand her mind, the third, she felt that the other party had no opinion, always let her worry.
After three marriages, she began to become a little skeptical about marriage.
I don't dare to love easily, but I hope that I can see the pearls with my eyes and directly find a hundred percent.
She wanted to know exactly how to find such a person, but in this world, there was probably no such person at all.
There was never a perfectly fit person and there was never a perfect marriage relationship.
No matter how loving the couple, they all have the same problems.
A couple next to each other, each other is real from the school uniform to the wedding dress.
Just when many people choose to break up after graduation, they resolutely walk together, for this relationship, the man directly gave up going home and stayed in the city where the woman was.
After getting married, they all had stable jobs, and soon they had two lovely children, both children and daughters, and the family often went out together, and in the eyes of others, they were a very happy couple.
Others think they love each other very much, and in fact, they always quarrel and often doubt each other's choices.
Sometimes, whenever there is a dispute, they will also say something harsh and feel that the other party does not understand themselves.
The real marriage, in fact, is not as sweet as imagined, some are just plain days, and in the years, each other will always have all kinds of bumps.
Everyone is the same, it is impossible to feel very relieved all the time, there will be some times when you feel more moved, and there will be some moments that want to end and think that it would be better to change people.
Behind the scenery, there are generally incomparable vicissitudes, and behind all the seemingly loving, in fact, there are countless quarrels and countless sadness. Just as no one's life is as good as it gets, marriage is often the same.
It is never easy for two people to get along.
When we marry a person, we always think that the other person will know themselves very well and will always spoil themselves.
However, even if it is our own ideas, we may not be able to be so clear sometimes, let alone a completely different person, the other party will always not understand us, that is actually very normal.
In addition, all feelings, no matter how strong they are at first, will eventually fade.
Between people, no matter what the relationship is good, get along together, it is never always so smooth, especially love, each other to live together, to take care of each other's emotions at any time, it is even more difficult.
You know, we and each other, in many ways, that is very different, we can't always follow each other's needs, and the other party certainly can't just let us do everything.
In this case, always trying to find evidence of each other's inappropriateness is really very simple.
It can be said that no one can make us completely satisfied, and we have never been able to make anyone 100% satisfied.
They will be disappointed, they will be hurt, and they are all in the communication with each other again and again, and finally they will become more and more aware of each other's thoughts and ideas, and they will know how to love in the end, so that their feelings can become more harmonious.
Marriage is about management, but also about mutual tolerance.
It's good to find someone who's really up to you, if you can really find someone who's a perfect fit.
But in fact, no one is born ready for us, just in line with all their expectations.
More often, what we need to do is to clarify our own needs, know what we care about more, and which aspects can be appropriately relaxed, and don't be so calculating.
Then, after choosing each other, be firm and go through it with each other.
We all want to have a more harmonious and long-term marriage, and that kind of marriage lies in the fact that we have to choose a good person, and after the choice, we must know how to slowly run in with each other and find a more suitable mode of getting along with each other.
In getting along, we must know how to seek common ground while reserving differences, rather than always using our own standards to demand each other, and know how to look at each other's strengths and advantages, rather than always being picky about each other and thinking about each other's not.
We must be able to speak well, listen well, and be able to give each other more tolerance in some small things.
Can do so, even if there will be a lot of contradictions, it is often easy to resolve, otherwise, each other's marriage, it will really not be able to withstand any wind and grass, it is easy to feel that love is wrong, choose to disperse, and there is no future.
No one is perfect, and marriage has never been absolutely perfect.
In the matter of marriage, before getting married, we must be cautious and not make decisions easily.
Once we have chosen a person, we had better be calm, don't always think about other possibilities, often want to change a person, think that changing a person, everything will be more satisfactory.
Just be true to your own choices, learn to love and be loved with each other, make your choices as correct as possible, and make each other feel happier.
It is best not to choose divorce easily unless it is a last resort.
Otherwise, always run away, no matter how many people are replaced, the result may not really get better.
Sometimes, we feel that the marriage is unhappy, it is not necessarily that people are not good, but each other does not use the right way, they expect too much from each other, and they pay too little.
Text/Tan Meng
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