If given another chance, would you still be able to get closer to each other with your significant other without restriction?
This question is a question for couples whose fate has been exhausted, and I think that most people will not hesitate to answer "no" when they see this question, because those who have experienced it will know how terrible it is for couples to lose distance.
Even if they are not husband and wife, even if they are friends in real life, they will become suspicious because they are too close.
Because the loss of control of distance will be accompanied by a sense of no sense of proportion, and the lack of a sense of proportion means that contradictions will breed.
Therefore, no matter who we are with, no matter who we get along with, we need to understand a truth, that is, all love that can go to the end is inseparable from one word, that is, distance.
Psychological research has shown that at any time, don't get too close to one person, including couples.
Hedgehog effect: Getting too close will stab each other
The two hedgehogs snuggled up to each other for warmth, too far apart to withstand the cold, so they drew closer to each other, but they were stabbed by each other's thorns.
This is the hedgehog effect in psychology, which refers to the need to control a suitable "psychological space distance" between people when getting along with each other, too far to feel alienated, too close and will feel depressed, only not close is the most appropriate.
In the relationship between the sexes, the relationship between husband and wife is particularly important, distance control is also essential, too close will feel like each other like the left and right hands, there is no attraction, and when two people keep a certain distance, because they will not invade their own space, so they will also make each other feel comfortable when they get along.
Daniel, author of "Emotional Intelligence." Gorman said: "The degree of comfort you make people determines the height you can reach. Sometimes we can't tell whether we are close or far, which makes both sides very stiff, and this situation shows that our psychological boundaries are not clear enough. ”
When our psychological boundaries are clear, we will not breed many unnecessary contradictions.
White space effect: Proper white space is conducive to the marriage going all the way
Chinese ink painting is not like oil painting, through a large number of color filling to achieve a visual impact, on the contrary, it only has ink Danqing, only one pigment, through water to control the depth of color, and will also leave a large area of blank space.
However, this kind of expression does not make the viewer feel space, but stimulates the viewer's infinite reverie in a way that "silence is better than sound".
This is the blanking effect in psychology, through the "blank" to stimulate a person's imagination, resulting in more feelinglessness.
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In marriage, if the husband and wife are in a state of intimacy for a long time, then for a long time, they will be tired of this intimate state, and they will gradually enter a bottleneck period, but from frugality to luxury, from luxury to frugality, most people will be unable to accept the cold and lead to the marriage on the verge of collapse.
The German economist Gerson once said: "If you always enjoy the same kind of happiness, then the happiness will be reduced." ”
Frequent contact will make a thing lose its attractiveness and thus appear monotonous, only by increasing the freshness, or reducing the number of times, then the attractiveness of a thing will not decrease.
In the relationship between the sexes, everyone needs an independent space to digest love, even if it is a husband and wife relationship, it should be left blank, because sticking together for a long time will only make love stagnate, it will only make the marriage sticky, only the marriage that is left blank, only the marriage that keeps the distance, can make this relationship really go long.
Even intimate relationships require distance to maintain respect
When we face marriage, we will always have such a misunderstanding, that is, after feeling that the other half and themselves have established a husband and wife relationship, they default to the other party as their own property, so they blindly close the distance between each other, force each other to respect their own preferences, treat each other as emotional trash cans, but never consider each other's feelings.
We're all used to thinking of each other as doctors, forgetting that the other person is likely to be a patient too.
John Gutmann wrote in his book Happy Marriage: "The secret of a successful marriage is not at all in resolving conflicts, but in the usual relationships and devilish details." ”
Excessive enthusiasm never makes a relationship, on the contrary, proper "indifference" can achieve the warmth we want.
Therefore, when we get along with our partner, we must understand the importance of distance control, do not belittle the things that the other party likes because we don't like it, and don't force the other party to like it because of what we like.
The greatest meaning of the marriage between husband and wife is not to eat and sleep, but to work together to improve the grade of life, to continuously deepen feelings, rather than arbitrarily managing love. In this way, marriage will go further under a good atmosphere and have strong vitality.