Text: Li Na
This article was first published in [WeChat public number: Na Jie's light and shadow notes, ID: shovidnana], if you need to reprint, please contact the author.
01
"Xiao MinJia" has been chased to the present, in addition to liking to watch Zhou Xun's outfit, what touched me the most was the "mother-daughter relationship" presented in the play.
I have found that there is no such thing as a perfect, idealistic relationship, especially between mother and daughter, where "love" and "resentment" are always intertwined. But this kind of "love" and "resentment" is our deepest bond in the world.
In the play, Xiao Min and her mother Wang Sumin get along, most of the time is actually harmonious, and they even maintain a sense of boundary and politeness between each other. Wang Sumin wanted to go to a nursing home, carefully discussed with Xiaomin, and also carefully revealed her loneliness - she was at home alone during the day, not even a person to talk, and at night, Xiaomin left work, she saw that her daughter was so tired, and she couldn't bear to find her to chat with her.
Xiao Min quickly empathized with her mother's situation, supported her to go to the nursing home, and repeatedly stressed that if she was uncomfortable, she would come back.
There is no bondage in the name of filial piety, and there is no control on the grounds of affection, and in this small fragment, I see an emotional "restraint": I love you, I worry about you, and even blame myself for not doing well enough, but I support your decision.
This restraint is actually a kind of deep love.
Of course, there are also "grudges" between them.
In the most fierce quarrel, Wang Sumin was angry enough to buy a train ticket to return to his hometown, and they were all aggrieved in each other's hearts.
Xiao Min's grievance is that her marriage was strongly decided by her mother, and then her husband became a gambler, she wanted to divorce, but her mother hid the marriage certificate. She believes that her marriage is unhappy, and her mother is responsible.
Wang Sumin was also aggrieved, she felt that the marriage partner she found for her daughter was the best condition, who could have imagined that he would become like that later? Moreover, she has helped her daughter with children for many years, and when she arrived in Beijing, she also did housework every day, paying a lot, but she ended up complaining, of course, wronged.
02
Another mother and daughter in the play, Li Ping and Chen Jiajia, have a deeper "grudge" with each other.
Li Ping divorced and remarried, always felt sorry for her daughter, so she did her best to compensate materially, and worked hard for her future, planning the way abroad early.
And Chen Jiajia is always full of resentment towards her mother, thinking that she is selfish and has a strong desire for control... Until a quarrel, Li Ping had a hard time conceiving a child and miscarried. And she did not blame her daughter for this, but under the responsibility of her husband, she did her best to protect her daughter.
Since then, Chen Jiajia seems to have changed, no longer living in resentment and confrontation with her mother, she has become more able to understand that her mother also has her own limitations and grievances.
When a daughter feels the love of her mother, she will definitely give back love.
Later, Jiajia became a sweet daughter, giving Li Ping a lot of understanding and support after suffering the double blow of her husband's bankruptcy and infidelity.
I saw the natural love between mother and daughter, and a deeper tolerance and understanding after experiencing the vicissitudes of the world.
03
I also complained about my mother.
It is not that she is not good for me, but that she feels that she has paid too much for the family, that she is weak and stubborn, that she has caused harm to herself, and that it has also brought me a lot of psychological shadows.
Those years in my 20s, probably my most inflated period, felt like I was highly educated, had seen a lot of the world, looked at my family, and was always full of arrogance and pickiness.
It wasn't until I experienced some setbacks myself, understood that many things were not controllable by personal strength, and understood that everyone has their own limitations and helplessness, that those "grievances" became a kind of gentleness and understanding.
At the same time, I love my mom too.
I will always feel sorry for her and hope that I can do my best to make up for the regrets of her life. I taught myself Chinese medicine, and I had a big driving force, that is, I wanted to regulate my mother's chronic disease and make her healthier and happier.
I experienced some misunderstandings and unhappiness in the middle, and later I found out that this was also an obsession of my own - I always felt that not being able to repay her love for me made me feel very frustrated and sad.
However, the motherly love in this world may never ask for anything in return.
Chatting with the friends in the group yesterday strengthened one of my thoughts, that is, even between parents and children, they can only bear their own destiny.
So a little less obsessive and hopeful, maybe a little more relaxed and pleasant.
I used to arrogantly think that if I were a mother, I would be excellent and perfect. Now I am ashamed of my arrogance and ignorance.
Sometimes when I think back to my childhood life, in such a difficult and scarce years, my mother was able to maintain optimism about life, kindness and righteousness to people and things, and positive guidance and education for me, I think she is very, very remarkable. If you change me, you really may not be able to do it.
I will also become a mother in the future.
I don't know how to get along with my children yet, but what I'm sure is that there will be a lot of love and resentment, bitterness and sweetness between us. My anxiety and worry, and not being understood, must have been no less than my mom's. But in any case, a mother-daughter relationship is the most profound fate in this life.
★ Original is not easy, click a "attention", just encourage me ~
★ Author: Li Na, Coordinate Beijing, an Aquarius girl, and her sexy brain.
END