When interacting, there are many people who show affection and unconsciously hope that everyone will see their happiness and happiness, but after they really get married, they often become more people who complain about their grievances and marriages, and there are not necessarily people who can redeem themselves, but that is an instinctive way to talk and vent, expressing their grievances and dissatisfaction.
Marriage along the way, may be because love came together, of course, it may also be because of the age of having to form a family, a chicken feather married life, no matter what you are for and into the siege, but those who can manage their marriage well, must have their own skills, and a long-term harmonious marriage, are inseparable from these factors, if you do, the family relationship will inevitably be happy.
Put aside the issue of principle and respect all the options of the other party
Everyone has their own likes and dislikes and pursuits, if it does not touch the moral level, or the choice of lover affects the financial maintenance of your family, then you should respect all the decisions and choices of the other party.
Sometimes what we are most afraid of is to say love, to say that I listen to you, but the last word-to-word preaching, more than direct interference is more upsetting, of course, there will be some more real people, since it is a husband and wife, since it is a family, then they have become the helmsman of the family, interfering with each other's choices, sometimes want to completely change each other's thinking, obey their own steps.
In fact, this is true of any relationship, especially in marriage, and it is very important to learn to respect each other's choices.
Although you love each other and have become a family, we all have the right to maintain our own preferences and judgments, and we can have our own choices. Mutual respect is to cooperate, blindly stop or degrade or disguise education, trying to make the other party change and stop, can only make the relationship deteriorate, disappoint the other party, and isolate you in consciousness.
From a certain point of view, giving each other the freedom to choose can be greater and allow two people to develop feelings benignly.
Ability to communicate
True communication is not the ability to speak like a river, but to truly have the ability to interact benignly when a conflict occurs, rather than intensifying the contradiction between words.
The reason why there are so many couples in life who mistakenly maintain intimate relationships is not because they do not love enough, but because of the incompleteness and lack of inner under the influence of their own original ecological family.
When we have differences or dissatisfactions, most of us are constantly venting our emotions and do not really face the problem of determination itself.
Real effective communication is to explain the things themselves, say feelings, talk about reasons, and put forward needs, but when it comes to living a life, it often becomes endless accusations and even angry words and counter-words to make their emotions get a short period of happiness. Of course, this is also understandable, and the first chapter of the book "Nonviolent Communication, Why Family Members Hurt" summarizes the reasons why relationships cannot be harmonious or cause harm
"These people have not yet learned to be parents or have not wanted to be good parents at all, and in the blink of an eye they have become parents, and they have become parents who are still as frivolous and selfish and even arrogant and extreme as naughty children, and they seem to have never imagined that there are a pair of eyes or even more looking at them." 」
We are all like this, growing up is always so caught off guard, when the heart is not mature, not ready, helpless to make ourselves into "adults", but do not know how to manage their own lives. Generations of people continue so that we don't have the right benchmark to emulate, so many families repeat the tragic marriages of the previous generation.
Those harmonious and happy marriages may have come from a loving family, or they may be good at learning and know how to be flexible, so they have improved their relationships and made it easier to get along with each other and cooperate with each other's footsteps.
Cooperatively run a marriage
Happiness may depend on whether a heart is independent and complete, but a happy and harmonious family stems from the division of labor of two people working together, and the real long-term healthy relationship needs to cooperate with each other, rather than relying on a person's sacrifice and payment to become the support of the family.
Life is not that you provide a home, or a single meal and wash the dishes, you can achieve success and retire without paying attention to trivial things related to the family, the family is like opening a company, performing its own duties, being able to cooperate with its own value role, and acknowledging each other's contributions and abilities, so that the marriage can be long and happy.
Being able to take the initiative to share and play their roles well can make the two hearts closer together, rather than deadlocked in the power struggle and refusing to bow their heads, or continuing to unilaterally sacrifice grievances to live.
Have empathy
The opposition of male and female thinking, personal situation environment, and even the original ecological family literacy is very different, can not be the same, the real relationship of harmonious couples, all have empathy, willing to experience each other's pain and situation, rather than low emotional intelligence to say "what is this, you are much happier than me" verbal provocation.
In life, we all have our own troubles and adversities, there is no same experience to understand, do not know what the other party has encountered, you can gently ask what is unhappy, do not stand in your own position or moral high ground to comment.
In the book "Understand the Other Half", the author discovered a very interesting phenomenon through investigation. That is, men and women will have different views and ways of dealing with the same thing. For example, women want to seek comfort the first time they encounter problems, while men want to find solutions to problems for the first time.
Therefore, using each other's thinking to interact is the key to opening the other party's heart, remember, talk to women about feelings, talk about logic with men, the way is right, and naturally reduce the occurrence of conflicts with half the effort.