Adolescent depression is becoming more and more common, many parents can't believe that their children will get depression, think that their children eat well, drink and have fun, in addition to learning there is no big trouble, how can they be depressed?
In the face of their children's depressive symptoms, many parents are at a loss and do not know what to do to help their children get out of depression.
There was an adolescent girl who had depression, and her mother brought her to counseling.
Mom cried
The daughter is 15 years old, a freshman in high school (in fact, she has been suspended from school for 1 year), and she was diagnosed with depression in the hospital last year, and the doctor prescribed medicine, but she did not take it on time.
In the past, the child was quite well-behaved, but now her temper is not good at all, and it feels as if she is not obeying us because of her illness.
Let her run unwillingly, let her study well unwillingly, don't even go to school, sleep until three o'clock in the day and don't get up, either locked in the room in a daze, lying in bed to play games, or crying, and don't like to deal with people, I now suspect that she is pretending to be sick.
She has no perseverance in doing anything, I often tell her the importance of learning, I hope she works hard and does not suffer the hardships of life, but unexpectedly, she said that I forced her and cut her wrist with a knife.
I was really devastated, why did she torture us like this?
I don't know how long she will be "sick", she will not be good again, what will happen to her studies?
With spending so much money, I was also stressed. Why is she so pretentious?
Why not be considerate of your parents and get better soon?
Guangzhou heard about the interpretation of psychological counseling
I feel that the mother is very difficult to accept her daughter's depression and understand the child's various behaviors.
The child has depression, and the mother is understandably very anxious and worried.
But the more accusations and preaching, the more anxiety and pressure are transmitted to the child, which is not conducive to the child's recovery.
When a child is depressed, different parents will have different reactions.
Some parents, like the mother above, cannot accept the child's situation and find it difficult to understand the child's discomfort and pain.
When children are immersed in the game world and do not want to go out or go to school, it makes parents anxious and helpless;
Especially when time passes day by day, children miss the time to go to school, and parents are extremely anxious.
Some parents will begin to understand the knowledge of depression, take their children to psychological counseling, and will also begin to reflect on their own shortcomings in family education, try to understand their children, and make certain changes, such as no longer throwing tantrums at their children, reducing their requirements for their children, and so on.
However, the child's depressive state will last for a while, and adolescent depression can put the whole family in distress and helplessness.
When children are depressed, what should parents do?
Adolescent psychological counselors pointed out that parents should learn more psychological knowledge of depression, understand the process of psychological counseling, and actively cooperate with psychological counseling.
01
Understand that the child is sick
Common reactions people have to "depression":
"Your living conditions are quite good, you are not satisfied, what do you want"
"Depression? You are a kid who eats and drinks and has fun, what troubles can you have"
"Depression is just thinking too much"
"Depression is hypocrisy, weak stress resistance, and insufficient willpower"
……
People also advise people in a depressed state to:
"Who is not unhappy, you want to open a little"
"Just get out and get some fresh air"
……
It's hard to imagine:
How much stress does a person need to fight depression, how much willpower does it take, how physically and mentally exhausted, and how inadequate.
The hardest and hardest thing about depression is that it is completely not understood and blamed.
In fact, depressed patients have fallen into deep self-blame, thinking that others can be fine, why do I have a problem?
They will deny themselves, feel bad and cause trouble for others.
If parents do not understand that the child is really sick, but instead accuse and demand it, it will make the child fall into loneliness and despair.
If parents want to help their children, they must first understand that the child is sick, and sometimes suffering from mental illness is more painful than physical illness.
If a person has gastroenteritis, he will have diarrhea, and no one asks TA to be strong, not diarrhea.
But if the psychology is sick, but the person is required to be brave, strong, and sunny, if TA can do it, will he still get depression?
Therefore, do not easily persuade children, although some persuasion is for the good of children, the starting point is goodwill,
But for people who are in depression, they don't need this kind of rationale from those around them, and this kind of understatement is a denial of great pain.
02
Learn about the changes depression brings to your child
Depression brings about changes in three areas:
First, physical changes, decreased appetite, fatigue, multiple pains in the body, no corresponding diseases, sleep disorders, drowsiness or difficulty falling asleep, and large changes in weight.
The second is emotional changes, depression, low mood, lack of interest in things, pessimism and self-blame, memory and concentration decline, and despair of life.
The third is changes in behavior, slow action, slow response, loneliness and no interaction with others, silence and anxiety.
Many of the children's behaviors are manifestations of depression, and some children do not want to go to school because of memory loss, loss of interest, and exhaustion.
Some children are addicted to games, making parents think that TA is game addiction, but it is actually because the child lacks happiness, so as to divert attention.
Some children will self-harm and self-harm because they are too painful and sad;
Some children will have physical discomfort, such as, headache and dizziness, chest tightness and panic, gastrointestinal discomfort, go to the hospital for examination and no problem, in fact, the child is not pretending to be sick, but the physical symptoms brought about by depression;
Some children will have sleep disorders, although they sleep more every day, but they are not tired.
Some children will have social difficulties and have little contact with past friends, making parents think that their children have relationship problems, but in fact, depression causes these problems.
Many times, parents will reverse the cause and effect relationship.
Since the main task of the adolescent stage is learning, in general, parents, teachers and even children themselves have high requirements for them.
But for depressed children, on the one hand, they want to learn, on the other hand, they are afraid of learning, and when TA's depressive symptoms worsen and fall into severe depression, they cannot go back to school.
Because of too much fear, some children not only can't go to school, but also can't even mention the word "go to school", but also hide books, because TA will avoid some related to study and exams.
In this case, parents will mistakenly think that the child is pretending to be sick, or that the child has a problem with his personality, bad behavior habits, or is tired of school.
In fact, it is more because of depression that it manifests itself as above.
03
Make restoring physical and mental health a priority
Saw an example before:
In the outpatient clinic, a girl told the doctor for a long time how uncomfortable, how she self-harmed and attempted suicide, and rolled up her arm to show the doctor, which was covered with dense wounds.
Her mother still asked repeatedly, "So when can she go back to school?" I'm in my third year of high school, and I can't afford to delay my studies!"
The girl angrily asked her mother, "What would happen to you if I really died?"
For depressed people, staying alive is already a difficult task. Can a person still be asked to go to work if he is seriously ill?
The priority now is not to go to school, but to help children out of depression.
What parents need to do is not to put pressure on their children, but to decompress their children.
For example, during illness, do not emphasize the importance of learning, do not urge children to go to school, and do not talk about the ideal principle of life goals;
Avoid criticizing your child for some of the negative behaviors, emotions, or attitudes that result from depression.
For people with depression, the mental burden that is as light as a feather, will bring unbearable psychological pressure.
Only by supporting and understanding the child can the child truly relax and overcome the disease.
At this time, if the child can continue to go to school, he can go to school while treating.
If children are unable to attend school, restoring physical and mental health should be a priority.
04
Actively cooperate with the work of psychological counselors
Take your child to find a professional counselor and accompany your child out of depression.
In severe cases, it is necessary to find a regular hospital to cooperate with drug treatment.
Parents should also adjust their emotions and mentality and take care of their physical and mental state in order to provide the strongest support for their children.
On this basis, listen more, care, support and understanding, and give children more warmth, but do not need to be deliberately encouraged.
Let your child know: "It's not your fault that you're sick, you're innocent".
Tell your child, "No matter what happens to you, I will be by your side."
Family understanding, companionship, support, no pressure, no evaluation, no preaching, no accusation, and finding professional help are the best ways to help children get out of depression.