The phenomenon of early love in children is becoming more and more common now, not only many high school students, but also junior high school students have joined the ranks.
Moreover, the children's performance is becoming more and more flamboyant, in some public places, from time to time, there are immature little couples who are close to me, and there is no one around, and even some children go out to open a house at a young age.
Guangzhou heard that children and adolescents psychological counseling will interpret for you: junior high school children have been in love many times and are addicted to it, what should parents do?
Ms. Zhao: My son is 14 years old and in his third year of junior high school.
Two months ago, their head teacher reported that his son had a girlfriend at school, who was two years older than him, had dropped out of school and was socially. We don't know when they met and started, and when we persuaded him and talked about him, he couldn't listen.
Last month, he was so angry that his father beat him for this incident, and now he comes home from school every day with a straight face, does not talk to anyone, comes out when he eats, and goes back to his room to listen to music after eating.
Now the atmosphere at home is very tense, and I have no intention of working.
In fact, before the son, he had already talked about a girlfriend, and the girl was not from the same school as him, and the girl took the initiative to like him. He was only 11 years old at the time, didn't understand anything, and was still relatively obedient. After we talked to him about the dangers of early love, he said, 'Mom, I'll be obedient.' It didn't take long for there to be no contact.
Later, we believed that he would not fall in love again.
Now he is like this again, and he is "addicted", chatting every night with his mobile phone, and always thinking about going out with the girl on weekends, and yelling to dye his hair. Reason with him now, and he won't listen.
Originally, my son's studies were very good and obedient. We have always respected this son and basically gave him what he wanted. He also had no pressure to study, hoping that he would have a good future, and had planned to send him to the United States to study after his third year of junior high school.
Now at such an important stage, he is not only not in a hurry, it is not good to learn English, but also like this (engage in early love). Sometimes he was in a hurry, and he said that he would not study abroad.
We're afraid he'll do that. Now his father forbade him to meet the girl, took him very seriously, and he was very emotional.
In order to stabilize his mood, I had to secretly let my son occasionally chat with the girl online, send text messages and the like.
I don't know if we do this correctly and how to help children get out of early love.
What to do if you find out that your child is in early love? What is the right thing for parents to do?
This is something that many parents cannot handle well, they tend to be anxious because of their anxiety, worried emotions, more anxious, and things that they could have been able to handle well have become hidden dangers.
01
Use understanding to open doors to communication
Fourteen and fifteen-year-old boys are in adolescence, they are full of curiosity about the opposite sex, and it is normal for them to have a good impression of friends of the opposite sex. Parents need to understand their children's physical and psychological development and change their education style as they grow.
Children in adolescence are in a rapid stage of physical and mental development, they are dependent on their parents and at the same time have a certain rebellious spirit. For adolescent children, as parents, you need to be careful, considerate and caring for your children, and you also need to give your children respect and freedom.
If your child doesn't admit that he's in love and you have enough evidence to know he's in love, don't dwell on your child's lying.
The main reason for children lying is that they are afraid that they will be punished and stopped after telling their parents, and another reason is that they are afraid that parents will not understand and care about their feelings.
You can say, "Son (daughter), you're starting to like girls (boys), mom and dad are happy, you've grown up!" ”
This is not to encourage children to fall in love early, but to "save the country with a curve". Parents treat their children with an accepting attitude, and when children feel that their emotions are accepted and appreciated by their parents, his rejection and resistance to you will be reduced. You may have further communication.
02
Go from the child's eyes
Learn about his lover and outlook on love
In adolescence, boys and girls have their first love, and they often choose outstanding figures of the opposite sex in life or in movies and television as idols they admire and pursue.
At this stage, acacia is very little concern and carries a great deal of blindness. Once the idol you pursue in your heart is established, it is easy to pour your love into the other person, and even the shortcomings of that person become the charm, exaggerating the other person in fantasy.
If the child is willing to communicate with the parents, the parents may wish to listen patiently to the child's point of view.
After he talks about the characteristics of the person he likes, you can objectively evaluate it, appreciate the strengths of the other person, tactfully point out the shortcomings of the other person, and help the child draw a "blueprint" for the two of them together.
Of course, allowing children to accept their parents' views is not achieved overnight, and it needs to be slowly penetrated like a "spring breeze and drizzle".
When children are in love, it is also the period when parents help their children establish a correct view of marriage.
You can also take the opportunity to tell your child: "Girls, learn to protect yourself, never have physical contact with boys, and don't stay alone in the same room with boys." ”
"Boys, learn to respect girls, be responsible for the girl's happiness, love her and can't hurt her. At the same time, learn to protect yourself, true love is that she will not hurt you, will not let you do very dangerous things. If she makes excessive demands, then she doesn't really love you. ”
Parents can also ask their children: "You grow up, your parents are happy, but we still don't know what you plan to do with this relationship?" "Your child may not be willing to answer you sincerely, but his heart has been disturbed by your question and will begin to think about it.
03
Share your relationship experience with your child
Parents can also share their love experience with their children, just share, without any criticism, and the children will not be so resistant in their hearts.
For example, a father talks to his son, and a mother talks to his daughter. It can be said: Dad also liked a girl when he was fourteen, and he knew it was sweet and painful..."
Then talk about my own experience, about the girls I used to like, and then what kind of contradictions they separated, and about the happiness of living with my mother now.
Of course, if your current marriage is unhappy and the relationship between husband and wife is not harmonious, you can also talk about your own reflection and understanding, so that children can get "education" from their parents' unhappy marriage.
Because adolescents' cognition is not yet mature, it is easy to produce behavioral deviations in the process of early love, and there is a certain difference in the level of cognition, as the understanding deepens, I feel that the other party is not the role they ideally expect, or some weaknesses of the other party cannot be tolerated, so there is an emotional crisis, enthusiasm declines, and finally break up. And breaking up can be painful.
Guangzhou heard about the children's and adolescents' psychological counseling warm reminder:
Adolescence is a critical period for children to establish a view of marriage and love, and their hearts are full of beautiful fantasies about love.
If you are knocked down by a broken love, it may change a person's life. And the parents' love experience can just help children come out of love and adopt a positive attitude to resolve their inner pain.
04
Instruct your child to interact normally
Establish appropriate principles
If your child is already in love and can't control his heart, no matter how "bitter his mother-in-law" parents are, it will be difficult for it to work.
At this time, you can inform him of some principles of normal communication, ask him to tell you about their interaction, do a little about the time and place of communication, and do some communication topics and contact requirements. As long as you have a good parent-child relationship, he will agree.
You can also tell him the truth of starting a business first and then starting a family, such as "when a country is strong, other countries will take the initiative to approach you; When a man has skills, excellent girls will appreciate you"; You can also tell him "spring to do spring things", "beautiful because you wait" and so on; Or tell him the difference between friendship and love, etc., to remind high school children that at this time, learning comes first.
In doing so, at a minimum, you know how things are going so that you don't put your child in a worse state, such as early pregnancy.
In addition, when a child falls in love, he will feel that nothing else is important except falling in love, and he has not been happy in love.
In order to keep the adolescent overenergetic child away from emotional distress, you can try to divert the child's emotional goals, for example, if he likes to play, buy him a basketball for him, or often accompany him to play, he is busy, so he has no leisure to think.
The other party will feel left out because the two people do not have much time to get along and common interests, and the relationship between the two will slowly fade.