In the underage group, such tragedies can always be seen:
Zhengzhou "5.21" campus murder case, 17-year-old criminal suspect Pu Mou, because of the crush of the female classmate Li liked others, because of love and hate to kill Li, committed intentional homicide;
The "jumping incident" in Yanshan Beizhuang ---- fifteen or sixteen-year-old teenagers who jumped off the building because they quarreled with a girl and killed their classmates, and then jumped off the building themselves...
So it is not difficult for us to understand why many parents regard early love as a flood beast, in the eyes of parents, once their children fall early, the small grades decline, and the large cause tragedies.
But is it really early love that triggers these consequences? In fact, what is more terrible than early love is that parents lack education for their children to cope with emotional crises, and parental guidance is too important!
01 The two sides of early love
Imagine that in these tragedies, if parents had correctly viewed and guided their children's early love at the beginning of the idea of early love, it might not have happened.
The decline in grades may be due to early love, but early love does not necessarily cause a decline in grades.
Under what circumstances will a child's grades be affected by early love?
Wishful love does not receive feedback, and the child's emotions are frustrated and the child is inferior.
Guilty about sex and love. Some children are taught by their parents and society from an early age that love and sex are shameful, especially if children think of these, they are even more ashamed. So he can easily become overwhelmed with shame while he can't help but think about love and sex.
In real life, there are many similar "couples from junior high school to start falling in love, to both study abroad to study for a doctorate, growing up together." "The stories all tell us that early love does not necessarily go in a bad direction, and it may also become better together.
On the contrary, if the child grows up in an emotionally depressed environment, even if it is only a crush, let no one know, on the surface there does not seem to be any problem, in fact, the psychology is also very unhealthy.
02 Correctly view children's early love
Parents, as the guide of life, when they find that their children are in love early, they must not make a fuss, but should tell themselves:
My child was liked and proved that the child was excellent. / My child has a favorite person who proves that physical and mental development is healthy.
My kids are finally growing up and want to love someone else. This is the only way for him to grow and develop.
Early love is actually a feeling of youth, and it is not necessarily related to sex. If the whole youth has not had a hazy love, then what a pity.
I believe that my child can handle his own emotional problems and I just need proper guidance.
This is a good time to teach children about mate selection.
Even if you are very unacceptable, understand that people's feelings and needs cannot be eliminated because of inhibition.
Your inhibition and intervention are likely to take the child to extremes. Cheating on you, hiding from you, not letting you talk about it, and even doing more serious things; or the love of adolescence is snuffed out by you, and you don't want to fall in love after college.
We all know that the child's mind is immature, and most early love still does not go to the end, but the integrity of the child's experience of this process is very important.
If there is only a beginning and no complete end, then it is difficult for the child to completely let go of this matter. For example, a toy (or a certain point that the child is interested in), you give it to him, play with it for a while and throw it away, because he has experienced the event. And if you don't give it to him, he'll cry or remember it forever.
Many parents' intervention comes from not having the patience to wait for the child to deal with the incident of early love, so this event is still full of temptation for the child, and it is difficult for him to devote his attention to learning.
Even if you ask your child to stick to this relationship until marriage, the child will not be able to hold on to it and give up. So you don't have to think of your child's early love as a nightmare that will accompany you if you don't eradicate it.
So if you can't intervene, can there be other ways of positive guidance? Of course.
We need to accept our child's experience, let go of the idea of always wanting to control him, and respect his life trajectory.
03 The right way to guide early love
Appreciate the child's strengths and build the child's self-confidence. If the child is in love early, tell the child that he is very good, so he will be liked, and there is no need to feel ashamed and troubled because of this. It also avoids children being seduced by the sense of value brought about by some low-cost payments.
Taking your own youth story as an example, it is very normal to tell your child that mom and dad have lived like you before, after all, everyone inevitably likes others or is liked by others during adolescence.
After letting the child feel understood, seize the opportunity to tell the child that he will become more and more excellent in the future, so he will meet a better partner at the best time and open the pattern of the child.
Tell your child the correct view of mate selection and the perspective of coping with emotional crises.
This is very important, but do not blindly instill the truth, this must be based on the premise that the child has already felt understanding and established trust.
You should tell your child: Whether it is a good food or a fun gift, it is a low-cost payment.
The correct view of mate selection is to look at the advantages of the other party:
An active learning attitude
Broad knowledge
Stable mood
Clear life goals
The happiness that comes with talking about your parents
To deal with the emotional crisis, we must let the child understand:
He's excellent and well worth all the good things
No matter what happened, he still had his family
Love is only a small part, but also friendship, affection, academic and career pursuits
Maintain emotional stability, protect yourself, and don't hurt others
Anything is a small episode of life, and it will eventually pass
Don't meddle in your child's emotional problems and let him handle it on his own. You just have to sit by and support your child when he needs it. Children can not only improve their ability to deal with problems, but also have no regrets about this relationship.
After all, for children's early love, parents can only interfere for a while, and children cannot know what happens 24 hours a day. That said, you can't guarantee that you'll be able to help your child with their relationship problems at any time, but you can teach them how to deal with it on their own.
Then in the future life, no matter how many times the child has emotional problems, you don't have to worry.
Blindly interfering with children, it is better to be a wise parent and pass on the wisdom of dealing with problems to children.