A friend complained to me about his child:
"My doll has been a little wrong lately, always in front of me and his mother, talking endlessly about a crush on a certain goddess in their class, he's only in junior high school now, I don't want him to fall in love." 」 How can this be good? ”
Early love may be a problem that every family has to face, but this problem is often caused by the improper handling of parents, causing certain psychological damage to children.
So, how can parents educate their children to get out of this premature "love of beauty"?
In the face of the problem of early love, parents should analyze the specific problems
There will be two kinds of people who are not in a hurry when a child has an early love, "others" are not in a hurry, and the child is not in a hurry.
If their children are women, all kinds of exaggerated and vicious consequences will appear in the minds of parents, and the degree of anxiety will increase geometrically. To be honest, I especially understand the feelings of parents.
In fact, parents' worries come from two considerations, one is to steal the "forbidden fruit" prematurely; it is a young and ignorant child who cannot grasp this degree; the other is to affect the preparation of learning, and to affect the study in such a critical period is to affect the lifelong development. This fear is well-founded.
Early love generally occurs in children whose academic performance is not ideal, which is a high probability event and is not absolute.
Early love generally occurs in families that lack parental care and affection and do not have a common language. Because children who lack emotional communication will be more susceptible to such emotions from the concern of the opposite sex.
Therefore, for parents who have not yet experienced this experience, they should spend more energy on the growth of their children as early as possible.
Generally speaking, early love will go through such 4 stages, and the last stage is irretrievable.
The embryonic stage of love
Generally, the two sides at this stage will have some slight sensations, and when this feeling is perceived by the other party, they will collide with sparks (commonly known as discharges).
At this stage, children will have more concerns about a relationship that may be unfolding, and whether "ok" or "not" will fight in their thoughts.
This stage is a critical period for adjusting to contradictions. Different children will have different reactions at this stage, and if they can be detected early, parents can help their children make choices by guiding them.
At the same time, parents can also tell the school that the teacher can use the appropriate method to "isolate" the two in time, and it is easier to avoid early love by reducing contact.
During this period, parents should often communicate with their children and care more; do not shout at their children, let alone let the children admit the relationship between the two, which will backfire and even form a negative effect of pushing the two together.
If it is the situation mentioned by the parent above: the child often talks about the "male god" and "goddess" in front of you, I first congratulate you on having a harmonious parent-child relationship, and the child can be undisguised in front of you, so that at least the window for talking with you is still open.
But whenever the child can still talk to you about the topic of "hidden", it just shows that there is nothing, but it should pay more attention to the situation that these things are swallowed and stopped, and only when the child is weak will he hide it.
note! This is not absolute, if the parents in the child's family environment do not have a clear attitude, it is also possible for the child to test the parents' reaction in this way. At this time, parents should also use casual language to seriously state their positions, at least when the child's emotional budding swing, to add a little weight to the "no".
The ability to seize this critical period is crucial to the resolution of the problem.
The contact phase of love
Children during this period have not yet acted excessively, or only occasionally have some small contacts, and generally more responsible teachers will find clues in this period.
Because the relationship between the two is initially determined, there will be some reactions in action.
If at this time, the teacher talks to you about this matter, then you must vigorously cooperate with the school management, on the one hand, the home-school cooperation effect is better, on the other hand, it is also to tell the child, at this stage we are against your "early love", we will stand with the school for education.
Parents at this stage must not have illusions, hoping that the child can consciously get out of this relationship, the child who can go to this step has gone through the ideological struggle, that is to say, there is no longer much resistance in their hearts, coupled with young age, immature mind, emotions are greater than reason, fantasies are greater than reality, and no parental intervention can only cause the situation to develop to the next step.
This is the last chance to be able to solve the problem without loss.
The confirmation stage of love
During this period, the two sides have confirmed and formed a relatively strong relationship, and have formed a strong resistance to external obstruction, and even have reached a consensus, if parents and teachers say what we do.
Hide-and-seek with parents and teachers may become an important talking point for them at this stage, and they can successfully avoid and convince parents. This period was also a very dangerous period, and the scale of their actions was further increased.
Even if anomalies are found during this period, it is difficult to find a good solution.
There are three only ways to work during this period, and the third is highly recommended:
First, isolate both parties by changing schools, but this method is not recommended, because it will plant seeds of resentment in your heart for the child.
Second, the two parties entering this stage may have a quarrel, and once the observant class teacher finds this opportunity, he must seize the opportunity with his parents to stop early love.
However, even if the problem is solved in a relatively coercive way, it cannot be recovered for the relationship that has already occurred, and the immature experience formed by the child during this period may affect future love and marriage. For parents, it is even more important to kill a thousand enemies and lose eight hundred.
Third, parents take their children to well-known local universities to admire "beautiful women". Why admire beautiful women? The main purpose is to let the child know that "the girls you are in contact with now are not necessarily the most beautiful and the most excellent, you just need to study hard, get into a good university, more beautiful, more excellent girls are waiting for you in college" The core of this trick is to let the child see beauty, discover beauty, let him pursue "beauty", and focus on learning. Unisex!
Irreparable phase
The last stage is the stage that cannot be cleaned up, it is best for both parents to meet, if everyone has no opinion, you can consider what to do next.
……
Write to the end:
In short, it is better to avoid than to stop.
Parents should usually pay attention to the growth of their children, guide their children to establish lofty goals and ideals, and do not let their children be tempted by the secretary of state in front of them.
Also avoid allowing children to be exposed to too many mesmerizing sounds at this stage, such film and television dramas really do not play a good role.
Some children may confront their parents: "We are now eighteen years old, we are adults who meet the law, and it is illegal for schools and parents to do this." ”
I said, "I can understand your behavior, but the school is a special place, there are the vast majority of minors on this campus, do you think it is appropriate for you as an adult to make such a move in front of them?" We have the Adult Protection Act. ”
To sum up: love is not terrible, terrible is in the age of learning, a mind to pounce on love, that is the real terrible!