In recent years, there has been a high incidence of depression in children and adolescents.
Many children suffer from depression, addiction to games, boredom, suspension from school, and even self-harm and suicide.
Parents, who were originally full of hope for the future, suddenly fell into anxiety and powerlessness.
Netizens ask for help:
The daughter, 13 years old, is an only child, has very severe depression and has had self-harming behavior.
The worst time was when he planned suicide and wrote a suicide note.
Probably because of the fear and finally gave up, we found out the next morning, it turned out that she had been struggling with suicide all night, and now that I think about it, I am very afraid.
She wanted to take her to counseling but she refused, and now she doesn't sleep at night (often playing with her phone), can't get up in the morning, and can't go to school.
Homework copy answers are not willing to copy, parents should do what?
Only when playing with the phone she has been insisting on what she is doing, talking never counts, and the planned things are never done.
I am afraid that I am about to be depressed, and I dare not force the child, for fear that she will become more and more depressed;
But she has not been learning, is there a way out in the future?
When her parents are old and dead, who will take care of her?
Guangzhou Listen and Listen To Bar Psychological Counseling Interpretation:
In the parent's question, it can be felt that for the child's depressed performance, the parent is both anxious and helpless, and falls into a deep sense of powerlessness.
Parental feelings of powerlessness, anxiety and helplessness can become a new source of anxiety for children.
At this time, parents must learn to respond reasonably to avoid the whole family from falling into a vicious circle.
1
Parents first need to adjust their emotions
The child is depressed, which is a big event for the family, even an impactful and crisis event,
Especially when children have self-injury and suicidal behavior, parents tend to be highly nervous, and over time, parents will also have weakness and collapse, to severe insomnia, anxiety and depression.
Can understand the parents' worries and anxieties after the child's depression, but the parents must not panic, do not rush, you have to look at the child with a developmental eye, tell yourself that the child's situation is only temporary, and the improvement is a slow and gradual process.
We must be patient, adjust our emotions, when the parents' inner world is stable, the emotions are resilient enough, and the physical and mental state is good, in order to provide the most powerful support for the child.
Of course, the reason is very simple to do may not be easy to do, some parents under pressure, may escape or husband and wife blame each other and complain, family relations have further deteriorated, but it is more detrimental to the physical and mental health of children.
Therefore, in order to provide a good recovery environment for children and also help parents adjust their emotions, parents themselves can also seek the help of psychological counseling to maintain a stable state of mind.
02
Adjustment of the family system
Behind a child with depression is often a sick family.
Many children remind their parents that they need to make corresponding adjustments in the way of physical and mental deviations.
In the TV series "Female Psychologist", Yuna, a female high school student, committed suicide a total of 3 times.
The counselor Horton gave her psychological counseling and successfully pulled her back from the edge of death.
Regarding the two suicides of their daughter, Yuna's parents did not realize the seriousness, but felt that their daughter was playing with the temper of a child, even if she really sat on the roof of the building, she would never dare to jump.
When one night she found Yuna suddenly crying and slapping herself, her mother was anxious.
When her parents participated in psychological counseling together, they realized that Yuna made various emergencies, suicide and self-harm, theft, etc., all in an attempt to make her parents pay attention to herself, so as to save her parents' marriage.
In fact, in the case of depression in children and adolescents, there are indeed many children's depression, which is a symptom of problems in the family system and also requires changes in the family.
Some parents cannot understand or accept it, and even feel angry and feel that they have been blamed.
This mood can be understood, the child is sick, not what parents want to see, every pair of parents, every family is loving the child in a unique way, and hopes that the child can be happy and healthy.
However, only when parents realize the problem through consultation and learning, can they solve the problem from the source.
It is very important for parents to receive psychological counseling in family counseling or to cooperate with children's counseling.
Through psychological counseling, parents can see the pattern of problems in the family system, perceive the way in the parent-child interaction relationship needs to be changed, or perceive the communication and interaction pattern between husband and wife.
Through changes in parents or families, a child's depression is often alleviated or cured.
03
Accept the child and correctly understand the behavior of the depressed child
Being able to accept yourself after illness is one of the important factors that support depressed people to continue to face pain.
Common symptoms of adolescent depression include irritability, irritability, sadness, insomnia, and may even have tendencies such as self-harm and suicide, because children and adolescents are prone to "irritable" states in addition to common symptoms.
In addition, many children will also show physical symptoms, such as dizziness, stomach pain, panic and chest tightness.
Parents should tolerate these symptoms of their children, allow them to exist, and know that they will come and go, they are only triggered by emotions.
Parents will also see that the child has become different from before, such as the child who used to love learning, now become lazy and do not want to learn, so the parents think that the child does not love to learn, in fact, at this time he can not control himself, at this time the child needs the love, understanding and tolerance of the parents.
4
Companionship with boundaries
Accompanying children with depression is a challenge for parents.
Especially in the face of children's fluctuating emotions and occasional suicidal intentions, parents should pay special attention.
Some parents will overly positively encourage, guide or advise their children: you have to cheer up, you want to start, you have to overcome depression...
This makes the child feel alienated, uncomfortable, and thinks that he is not accepted, and the parents do not understand themselves at all.
Some parents will show a sense of powerlessness: why are others so vulnerable to you, how can you be so depressed and not at all inconsiderate of your parents, you die and your whole family is ruined...
When parents turn their children's depression into their own burdens, they trigger a deeper sense of guilt and guilt in their children, adding a layer of pressure.
Therefore, the companionship of parents needs to add true understanding, even if they do not understand, but also try to understand and listen to the child.
You can talk to the child about your own understanding and confusion, such as understanding the point that touches the child's emotions, what words and what the parents say and do that will make the child feel lower and uncomfortable?
Once you know these, you can avoid these points.
Parents can also share some feelings of wanting to help but can't do it, and ask their children what they can do.
Parental companionship, understanding, and links that confirm each other's relationships help children know that they are still loved, cared for, and concerned in times of vulnerability, and that they have the strength to get out of depression.
When parents can really understand their children, they will feel that you understand them and slowly become willing to communicate.
At this time, parents, standing next to their children, continue to express concern without evaluation, and this companionship itself is the power to support the child to continue to live.
5
Don't put pressure on your child
Today's middle school students themselves are under a lot of pressure from their coursework, and in addition to the pressure of schoolwork, they may face interpersonal and other pressures.
What parents have to do is not to put pressure on their children, but to reduce pressure on their children.
The priority now is not to go to school, but to help children get out of depression.
For example, during illness, do not emphasize the importance of learning, do not urge children to go to school, and do not talk about the ideal of life goals;
Avoid criticizing some of the negative behaviors, emotions, or attitudes that your child has developed as a result of depression.
Only by supporting the understanding of children can children really relax and overcome the disease.
At this time, if the child can continue to go to school, he can go to school while treating.
If the child cannot go to school, restoring physical and mental health should be the first priority.
6
Accompany your child to psychological counseling
Take your child to counseling and a doctor, and gently guide him to insist on counseling and taking medicine.
For some children who are unwilling to consult, do not force him, parents can unilaterally consult first,
According to the experience of psychological counselors, many parents have made some gestures and changes to their children through counseling and learning, and after benign changes in family relations, many children have improved significantly even if they have not conducted psychological counseling.
Some children see the changes brought by psychological counseling to their parents, and the parent-child relationship changes, which also increases the confidence and motivation of psychological counseling.
We need to believe that every child is unique, upward and hardworking, and they stumble all the way, only temporarily stuck by the difficulties in front of them.
At this time, parents should stop, look at their children, give understanding and support, and also need psychological counselors to help from a professional point of view.
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