As the saying goes: Habits are like killing children, and the birth of every bear child is inseparable from the wrong discipline of parents. How do you discipline your child when he makes a mistake? Fight?
When I went to the supermarket with my wife, I witnessed a little girl of about 4 years old who was slapped by a man to the point of nosebleeds because she wanted to buy an ice cream. The supermarket staff saw the situation, immediately came up to dissuade, and took out a paper towel to help the girl wipe.
What is shocking is that the man did not say a word, and it was another slap... The onlookers saw the situation and immediately called the police, according to the public security bureau investigation, the man who beat the child was the girl's grandfather.
Seeing this, I believe that you are as angry as Wen Wen's father: Is this still a grandfather? He was so cruel to his 4-year-old granddaughter!
If this had been beaten in kindergarten, the teacher would have been detained, but he had been beaten by his own grandfather, and it was estimated that nothing had happened, which was rooted in the violent education in Chinese's mind.
In the eyes of many people, beating children is still an effective means of discipline, which is the so-called: filial piety under the stick!
As a father, Wen Wen Dad understands very well that parents are helpless in many cases.
When the good words are exhausted and the methods are exhausted, and the child still does not do things according to our ideas, playing may become the last choice.
Teacher Yin Jianli said that violent education can get some temporary, superficial effects, but at the expense of children's depravity and depression.
The reason is simple: when a child makes a mistake, you think that by "hitting" you can make the child better and better, but in fact, it will only bring great harm to the child.
Therefore, when the child makes a mistake, the parent's discipline method is very important, but the following 3 ways are not scientific and are not recommended:
01, hit the child
No matter what mistake the child makes, the punishment method of beating up is not worth encouraging!
In order to study the effects of violence on children's physical and mental health, psychologist Bandura once conducted an experiment with Bobby dolls: 48 children were divided into two groups, one group often witnessed adults beating and cursing Bobby dolls; the other group was adults playing puzzles with children in the room.
48 children were then taken to a room with a variety of aggressive and non-aggressive toys, and it turned out that the boys in the attack group each imitated the adult attack on Bobby dolls 38 times, compared with only 1.5 times in the non-attack group.
The results of this experiment are actually worthy of parental reflection, if the child witnesses the aggressive behavior for a long time, it will be imitated; in other words, if the parents often hit the child, it is equivalent to giving the child a license to use violence.
In the future growth, if the baby encounters something unpleasant, she may solve the problem through violence.
Some people may say that I was also beaten up from childhood to adulthood, and now is it not good?
In Wen Wen's father's view, this may be true, but counting the children who have been beaten for a long time around them, when they grow up, they either become explosive and irritable, extremely emotional; or they are extremely inferior, and they have no opinion on anything, only promises.
Wen Wen dad believes that no matter what kind of personality the child is, it is not what the parents expect.
02, insult children
I don't know if parents have found this phenomenon: when parents praise and encourage their children, the child's emotions are relaxed and confident; when parents belittle, insult or deny the child, the child's emotions are depressed and irritable.
There is a "suggestive effect" in psychology, which means that people will inadvertently accept messages from others and thus react to the information.
If the parents insult or deny the child for a long time, subtly, the child will also accept this and show the parents the proof of behavior.
A 16-year-old boy in Liaoning, who set fires in 8 cases in 24 hours, learned after questioning that the boy was often beaten and scolded by his father, so he set the fire to get revenge on his father.
Taiwanese psychology doctor Hong Lan has a study: there is a causal cycle between human concepts and behaviors, the brain produces ideas that will guide behavior, and behavior produces results that will change the brain.
If the parents often scold the child, the child will have the idea that I can't do it, I am a bad child, and then make corresponding behaviors, and these behaviors will anger the parents, so the vicious circle is endless.
03, compare or deny the child
The Institute of Journalism and Communication of the Chinese Academy of Social Sciences and other institutions, through the investigation of nearly 300,000 students in various cities, released the "Blue Book of Teenagers", and sorted out the 5 sentences that children hate most from parents, which are worth reflecting on:
Among them, "someone else's child" ranked second! Wen Wen's father usually likes to use "other people's children" to motivate her daughter, but once she talked to her daughter, she said bluntly: she does not like her parents to compare others with herself, which will make her feel that her parents are not satisfied with her, which makes her very sad.
Therefore, parents do not always have to compare their children with others, and it may be more conducive to her growth to let the children compare themselves with themselves.
Next time you can say something like this: Baby, you're doing a great job! Mom is proud of you! Let's see where there is room for improvement, maybe we can do better!
04. People's Daily recommends 10 scientific methods for punishing children
When children make mistakes, blindly scolding, denying and comparing is not a scientific way to discipline children. So, what to do?
People's Daily gives 10 scientific methods to punish children, and gives corresponding punishment methods for children's different wrong behaviors. Let parents not fight and scold, efficiently raise good children, and collect quickly!
Note: Parents should not yell and scold and reprimand their children, but can walk over, hug first, and ask the reason for the quarrel. Then tell your child that fighting is not the right behavior and guide your child to say "I'm sorry."
Note: For children before the age of 6, littering is common. At this time, parents can make a paper stick, and agree in advance not to throw things away, otherwise they will hit the palm of their hands.
Note: Set a punishment area at home, and put a chair, Wenwen Dad's family is called "penalty chair", set a time, let the child sit on the chair to reflect.
Note: There are graffiti babies at home, parents can prepare cleaning utensils such as rags and brooms to clean with their children.
Points to note: Give the child a piece of paper and a paintbrush to let the child draw the thoughts in his heart, which is also conducive to cultivating his concentration.
Note: Set up a penalty station area at home, set the alarm clock every time, let it penalty station!
Points to note: When a child is found to be lying, taking the sheep, or being violent, he can sit, stand, or try to confiscate his beloved toy.
Points to note: In the face of impatient and lack of concentration, parents can arrange for their children to pick up or row beans.
Note: When parents' good words are useless, they can temporarily prohibit children from touching their beloved toys.
In short, there is no way to discipline children overnight! When children make mistakes, scientific and effective punishment methods are better than all criticism and violence.
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