In daily life, when your child performs well, do you praise your child like this - "you are awesome", "you are so smart"...
When a child makes a mistake, do you punish the child like this — "Punch the child," "Scold the child"...
Praise and punishment are a science, so how to do it?
The following is the scientific method of praising, criticizing and punishing children recommended by the People's Daily, which is worthy of reference by parents.
15 ways to praise your child's science
1. Praise efforts:
When your child presents you with a beautiful painting, or his other achievements, don't be carried away by joy, and remember to affirm the hardships and efforts he has put in for it.
2. Praise perseverance:
When a child completes something that is very challenging for him, and is willing to try again and again after countless failures, please remember to affirm his patience and persistence.
3. Praise Attitude:
When your child is full of positive energy about the task they are facing, don't forget to take the opportunity to say a few words.
4. Praise details:
When the child's ability to improve in a certain aspect, praise the details, the more specific the better, such as: Baby, you are now swimming when the hand posture is more standard, a lot of progress.
5. Praise ideas:
The child's whimsy is the accumulation of creativity and thinking, and it is the child's brain opening after trying countless possibility solutions, and it is better to praise "really smart" than to praise "creative".
6. Praise the spirit of cooperation:
If your child and your partner have worked together to accomplish something and done a good job, please take the opportunity to affirm your child's ability to cooperate and communicate.
7. Praise leadership:
Although some things are not completely done by the child alone, he is responsible for management, and he does a good job because he has a strong sense of responsibility and leadership.
8. Praise courage:
Praising a child's courage will best help him increase his "confidence index".
9. Praise enthusiasm:
"Give someone a rose, and the hand has a lingering fragrance", praising the child's enthusiasm can encourage him to help others more. At the same time, it also allows him to know that knowing how to ask for help and learn from the experience of others is also a way to overcome difficulties.
10. Praise responsibility and organization:
Being able to pack up your own things is the embodiment of responsibility and orderliness, which is the basis for children to do other things well, and praise and encouragement are necessary.
11. Credit:
Good credit will make your child's life path smoother, so help him build it in time. For example, if you agree on something with your child, you can say, "I believe you, because the first few times you talk count."
12. Praise participation:
Participating in activities broadens horizons, and when your child actively participates in activities and performs well in activities, be sure to encourage his sense of participation.
13. Praise open-mindedness:
Learn good advice and experience from others, and your own ability will continue to improve. People with a growth mindset generally have an open and open attitude.
14. Praise Choice:
Material praise will spoil children, and spiritual praise makes children feel recognized and better shape values. Being able to accomplish tasks well is sometimes due to hard work and sometimes because you have made the right choice because you changed your strategy. Praise strategies are also the key to cultivating growth mindsets.
15. Praise for carefulness:
Carefulness not only reflects caution, but also reflects the comprehensiveness and multi-angle of children's consideration of problems. For example, when going out to play, the child remembers to bring an umbrella, and then it rains and really uses it, it turns out that the careful child checked the weather forecast for the day before going out. At this time, Mom and Dad should praise him for his carefulness and thoughtfulness.
8 scientific methods that criticize children
1. Allow the child to explain:
Partial listening is dark, and listening is bright, and you can't listen to the accusations of one party, and you must allow the child to explain it himself.
Parents remain neutral and objectively evaluate whether their children are doing wrong and why they are doing wrong.
2. Learn to empathize:
Parents should think differently, understand the purpose of their children's actions, and find the entry point for criticism.
And let the child think in a different position, "If you are that person, how will you feel, is it right to do this?"
3. Start by self-criticism:
Before criticizing the child, the parents first carry out self-criticism, lower their stature, and quickly close the relationship with the child.
Parental self-criticism can also allow children to learn self-reflection.
4. Only for things and not for people:
If the child does something wrong or does not do a good job, the parent's first reaction is not scolding, but guidance.
Talk about things and let your child understand why you can't do this and what the consequences of doing so will be.
5. Teach your child to correct your mistakes
We should not blindly criticize, but let the child realize the mistake through the scientific method and find a way to correct the mistake.
Using criticism to teach children a lesson is the meaning of criticism.
6. Choose the right time:
You can't criticize your child when he gets up, before he goes to bed, when he eats, or when he is sick, which will directly affect his physical and mental health.
It is best to sit down with the child and communicate calmly, parents can make requests to the child, and the child can also give advice to the parents.
7. Adopt a kind attitude:
Criticizing children ≠ scolding children, parents can not vent their emotions to their children, they should point out mistakes concisely and concisely, and then educate.
Don't turn over old accounts without moving, let the child resist admitting mistakes, and disobey discipline.
8. Respect your child's self-esteem:
Don't criticize the child in front of outsiders, and don't beat and scold the child in front of his classmates and teachers.
Not only adults need to be respected, children also need to be respected, and children's hearts are more fragile and sensitive than we think.
10 scientific ways to punish children
1. Practice words:
Practicing words is a relatively boring learning, but it can make children calm down and reflect on themselves.
When the child has practiced the words and the parents have returned to calm, they can communicate calmly at this time.
2. Make up:
When the child soiled the ground, he asked him to clean it with a small broom and a small mop, and when the bed was delayed, he asked him to memorize a few more ancient poems.
Let children learn to take responsibility for their actions, better than all scolding.
3. Wallface thought:
Parents' prolonged snub will make the child uncomfortable, so that they can begin to reflect on whether they have really done wrong.
If the child does not cooperate, the parent can lengthen the wall time slightly until the child admits the mistake and then reasons with him.
4. Change the tone:
Parents directly accuse the child, the child will definitely resist, then you should change the tone, "It's a pity, because you haven't done your homework, you lost an opportunity to play with your friends."
When a child realizes that he can play with his friends after doing homework, he will avoid the unpleasant consequences of not doing homework next time.
5. Help with housework:
After a child makes a mistake, the parent can punish him for doing some housework that he does not like to do, such as cleaning up the room, washing clothes, and so on.
It can not only exercise his hands-on ability, but also cultivate his sense of responsibility and family involvement.
6. Suspension of certain rights:
For example, do not let children play with toys, do not allow children to visit classmates, limit the length of time children play mobile phones, and so on.
Tell him that it is precisely because he has done something wrong that he has such consequences, and that he can regain his rights when he behaves well.
7. Reduce intimate behavior:
In the process of punishing the child, do not hug the child, do not caress the child, and no longer chat in a gentle tone.
Let the child know that after making a mistake, he will lose the care and love of his parents, and he must avoid making mistakes in the future.
8. Elaboration of a family pact:
Under the premise of mutual respect, draw up a family convention that both parents and children must abide by, stipulating what can be done and what cannot be done.
Parents and children should supervise each other and use family conventions to develop good habits.
9. Family members of the same caliber:
Parental disagreements, or grandparents spoiling children, can lead to much diminishment of criticism and punishment for children.
Parental discipline only comes into play when family education is consistent.
10. Natural Consequences Act:
If the child has experienced the consequences of doing something wrong, let him bear the burden and don't feel sorry for the child.
When children can learn from this matter, they will naturally learn well.
Good education Rewards and punishments are clear
Good parents discipline synchronization
Many parents have struggled with a question: Do you want to discipline your children?
Tube, afraid of the child crying nose, no matter, afraid of the child learning bad.
However, parents should understand that punishment is to make children change, not to punish for punishment, which requires parents to grasp and principle.
In the process of punishment, you cannot let your emotions, scold the child at will, humiliate the child, the tone should be kind and firm, the eyes are not hostile, and the punishment content must be carried out to the end.
Afterwards, reassure the child in time, or hug, or smile, let the child know that you are not disappointed in him, and ask him to be more confident.
There is a saying in "War and Peace": "When no one says no to you, you will not grow up." ”
Educating children is not enough to rely on love, and the gentle and firm discipline of parents has subtly changed the direction of children's lives.
Punishment is not an end, but a means, and the best way to love a child is to help him become a better version of himself.
Educating their children well is the most important cause for parents in this life.