Author | Xu Diandian Source | Uncle Kai Storytelling (ID: kaishujianggushi)
4 inappropriate forms of punishment
Do you want to punish your child?
Absolutely.
No rules, no squares.
If a child makes a mistake, he should be punished.
But if the punishment is improper,
It can easily backfire.
Here are the "4 ways to punish",
It's wrong and inefficient:
01
Take the deprivation of love as punishment
"If you don't study well, I'll send you back to your hometown."
"If you don't obey any more, you won't be wanted."
This punishment of blackmailing the child with love,
It can make the child severely insecure.
Especially those timid, sensitive children,
They'll feel like everything is real.
Mom and Dad don't love me anymore.
02
Use scolding as punishment
Not long ago,
A little girl in Zhejiang quarreled with her brother,
It's normal for children to argue with each other.
But Dad slapped her 5 times on the spot.
The little girl chose to call the police.
After the police arrived at the scene,
A sentence she said poked a lot of people:
"He (Dad) slapped me 5 times,
I've kept it in mind for the rest of my life. ”
Under the coordination of the civilian police,
The little girl can forgive by asking her father to apologize to her,
Dad also apologized in public.
It's easy to hit a kid,
It's also easy for children to forgive,
But when the slap falls,
You can't imagine how many years a child will remember.
If the child chooses obedience because of fear,
Parents will also mistakenly think that the effect of scolding is immediate,
Then constantly reinforced:
"It seems that only hitting you works best!"
Thus more and more deviating from the correct education,
Patience to educate children is getting shorter and shorter,
In the end, it evolved into a fight that came up.
Scolding ostensibly punishes the child,
But behind it, why aren't parents venting their emotions?
Because I know that the child will not resist,
Because it is known that children can only be attached to their parents.
And often scold the child,
It is to teach children to use violence to solve problems.
03
Treat "negative consequences" as punishment
Let children experience the "direct consequences" of wrong behavior,
Rather than "negative consequences".
What are the direct consequences?
For example, if you make an appointment with your child to eat at 6:30 p.m.,
As a result, the child is addicted to watching TV,
Shouting "It's time to eat" over and over again, he just wouldn't come.
Wait until everyone has finished eating,
The child came hungry and said he wanted to eat,
You can tell your child:
"I'm sorry, we said good dinner at 6:30,
You didn't come on time, and now the meal is gone,
So sorry, you don't have food today.
Mom understands that you're hungry right now,
But you can only wait until tomorrow morning for breakfast. ”
Dinner is gone – this is called the immediate consequence.
What are the negative consequences?
The child does not come to eat on time,
Punish him for not being able to watch cartoons today.
This is the negative consequence.
Watch cartoons and children don't eat on time,
There is no necessary connection between these two things,
Children can also be confused:
Why can't I watch cartoons without eating on time?
04
Make punishment a common occurrence
Punishment is necessary,
But it must not be taken as a home affair.
Positive education should be given to children,
Use less criticism to punish.
If a child is regularly punished at home,
The body and mind will be greatly hurt,
Or become inferior and weak,
Either become numb and more disobedient.
Positive Discipline mentions:
"Despite the reluctance of parents to admit it,
But the main reason they like to use punishment,
is to show that you can 'win' the child's power,
Or retaliate against the child by making the child suffer. ”
I'm an adult and you're a child.
You're going to do what I say,
Otherwise there you look good.
People's Daily: 9 scientific methods of punishment
Punishing the child is not a struggle for power with the child.
It's about standing with the child.
Guide him to do the right thing.
What is the right way to punish?
- adding a consequence after the child's behavior,
used to match the degree of his behavior,
And make him aware of the consequences of making a mistake.
For example, the child spilled the milk,
No need to shout,
Just tell the child to clean up,
Just pour another cup.
The child is not concentrated, small movements are more, let him sit quietly.
Impatient, careless, training beans.
Lazy, sleepy as soon as he studied, and ran with him for half an hour.
Dragging his feet and teaching him to set an alarm clock.
Scribble and scribble, throw things around, teach him to clean.
It looks like punishment,
In fact, it is positive guidance.
And, the children are very different,
According to the child's personality,
Find the right punishment for your child.
For example, for timid children who dare not speak,
It is not possible to guide reading aloud.
The People's Daily summed it up
"9 Scientific Ways to Punish Children",
Do as you go, believing that your child will get better and better:
Write at the end:
Education is not about "winning" children,
It's about "winning" the child.
Making mistakes is never a problem,
All children make mistakes,
Making mistakes is precisely the opportunity for children to grow.
Improper punishment, even if the child is won,
But the child is not convinced,
It will only push them further.
As a parent, please calm your mind,
Get rid of rough, inappropriate punishment.
Only appropriate punishment,
Only in this way can children be taught to admit punishment, admit mistakes, and harvest growth.
If today's article inspires you,
Please forward it to your family,
Make your child better!
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*Source: Uncle Kai Storytelling (ID: kaishujianggushi), which unites 50 million families, brings good hope to parents, and allows more children to have a happy childhood.
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