Intensive reading mother: Although parents do not need exams, but need to learn, parents who have a pair of mouth lotus flowers are the biggest luck of their children.
Author:Mingyue Yuxin (Parents Intensive Reading Author)
The most popular TV series during this period is undoubtedly "The World".
Zhou Bingkun, the person who pays the most for the family, has been repeatedly denied and degraded by his father.
When Bingkun's grievances reached the extreme, he inevitably had a big fight with his father.
Zhou Dad always mentioned in front of Bingkun: "From childhood to adulthood, your brother and your sister studied well, and you were the last in the class, counting down." ”
Bingkun said to Zhou Dad: "What words are difficult to hear what you say, where it hurts you to buckle." ”
Only to see Zhou Dad trembling his lips, raising his hand, pointing at Bingkun and asking, "Is it a fact?" ”
With this sentence, Bingkun choked up several times and repeatedly asked, "Should the facts be said?" Should the truth be told? ”
Yes, Bingkun tortured his father's soul, how many children's hearts spoke, and how many parents kept poking at the child's heart like Zhou Dad.
As the saying goes: "A good word is warm in three winters, and a bad word hurts people in June." ”
Parents' cold words and casual denigration of their children, which seem to be a casual sentence, are actually bone-chilling injuries.
These "cruel" words, the wounds left in the child's heart, will make the child use his life to heal.
The bad words of parents are a tumor planted in the hearts of children
Once, in a variety show, the 5 sentences that parents hurt their children the most were listed:
When did I promise you;
What's the use of me raising you;
If you do this again, your parents will not want you;
Didn't I tell you? You must not listen;
We're all here for your own good.
In the young hearts of children, parents are their closest people, and the angry words blurted out by parents are enough to destroy the child's inner world.
There was a counselor online who once consulted a 5-year-old girl who was very resistant to talking to her parents and always talked to herself to a stuffed teddy bear.
At first, the parents did not know the cause, mistakenly thought that the child was depressed, and took the child to go around and seek medical treatment.
After ruling out diseases that were not physical, the parents took the girl to a psychologist.
After several psychological counseling by the doctor, the girl said the first sentence: "Because the toy will not open its mouth to scold me." ”
But this sentence made the parents dumbfounded, tearful on the spot, and only learned under the doctor's inquiry.
It turns out that the girl's mother is more impatient and often inadvertently says the child:
Don't add to the mess here;
What are you crying?
How can you be so stupid?
It is the mother's mantra under these urgent feelings that has produced a psychological shadow in the child's heart.
In order not to provoke her mother to be anxious and angry, the little girl had to alienate her mother, refuse to talk to her mother, and did not want to interact with other people, often hiding in the room alone to talk to the teddy bear.
The speaker has no intention, the listener has a heart, the parents' mouth is unobstructed, seemingly unintentional, but the sentence pokes at the child's key point, the child is injured to the skin, and the parents are not remorseful.
In "Xunzi Glory and Disgrace", there is a saying: "Speak kindly with people, warmer than cloth; hurt people with words, deeper than spears." ”
Good words make the listener feel like a spring breeze, while evil words hurt people invisibly.
The bad words of parents, like a cancer, grow wantonly in the child's heart, and eventually hurt the child all over the body.
Children who have been living under the "evil words" of their parents will make their hearts full of negative energy, deviate from the right track, and go to darkness.
The kind words of parents are the bright lights that guide their children forward
Wang Kai, the founder of "Uncle Kai's Storytelling", said: "Good parents have a zipper on their mouths and never speak to their children as they want. ”
What should not be said, parents know how to speak out, do not say more, parents can also speak with moderation.
In the long run, children who grow up in the good words of their parents will grow up optimistic and cheerful.
In the movie "Wrestle It! In "Daddy", after Geeta won the wrestling championship, the reporter asked him what was the reason for the change in his state in the game?
Geeta replied, "It's because Dad believed in me the whole time." ”
When the coach ordered her: "If you want to win the game, you have to do what I say," Dad said: "This opponent will be a little troublesome, but it is not impossible to win the game." ”
When the coach asked her, "To score at all costs," her dad told her, "Don't be in a hurry to score." ”
When the coach angrily said, "Don't lose too ugly, at least get a medal," her dad encouraged her: "You won't lose, you're destined to be a champion." ”
When the coach belittled her: "Some people are destined not to play international matches," Dad believed her: "What you lose is the game that you should have won, and if you win, you will become a model for India." ”
In the end, Geeta lived up to expectations and won the wrestling championship.
Educating children, good words are always more important than accusations, and the words of encouragement spoken by parents to their children will become a beacon to illuminate the way forward for children.
There's a term in psychology called the "kimchi effect." ”
Meaning, the same vegetable is soaked in different waters, and then cooked separately after a period of time, and the taste is different.
Children who grow up in the positive affirmation of their parents will be satisfied at heart, confident and calm, and excellent.
Children who grow up in the negative and harsh words of their parents will become inferior and sensitive, unwilling to communicate with others, and even alienate their parents.
Parents applaud their children, and children will surprise your imagination and create his own miracles.
In the mouth of the parent, the future of the child is hidden
Yan Yuan, an educator in the Qing Dynasty, said: "It is better to count ten children than to have a long prize." ”
Instead of accusing and scolding the child, it is better to give the child more fancy encouragement, and can also close the parent-child relationship, why not enjoy it?
Counting down children ten thousand times is not worth a "humble" compliment from parents.
Recently, frog princess Gu Ailing became popular all over the Internet, and her "hardcore" mother also quickly became popular.
Gu's mother's education of her daughter can be called "sober in the world".
From childhood to adulthood, Gu's mother never forced her daughter to learn what she should learn and what she should not do, and the most heard words in Gu Ailing's growth were:
"Don't score 100 points, just master the knowledge."
"Perfection does not exist, just do yourself."
"Don't aim first."
When Gu Ailing wanted to go to Stanford, her mother said, "You don't have to go to Stanford, but you have to keep learning in this life." ”
Gu's mother never requires her daughter to strive for the first in everything, never let the child have ideological baggage, even if the results are not satisfactory, Gu's mother will come to a sentence "You are already great" to motivate her daughter.
Gu Ailing is also in such a relaxed educational atmosphere, step by step closer to excellence, become a world champion.
In fact, the ignition of children's interests and the exploitation of potential rely not on the persecution and blows of parents, but on good words.
The sweet words of comfort from parents will dissolve the child's inner uneasiness, increase the courage to face difficulties, and unswervingly go on.
There is a "Wengermari" effect in psychology.
Roughly means: to say to the child for a long time: "You are very good, you can do better," the child will gradually be internalized, feel that he can, will increase self-confidence, and will naturally continue to pursue progress.
Children who grow up in a cold-spoken environment and a calm environment will have different lives.
The words of parents should not be underestimated, and what will happen to the children in the future is hidden in the mouths of parents.
There is a passage in "Please Answer 1988" that says:
"In this cold world, the body temperature that allows people to maintain survival, and what can survive, is not a great quote, but a warm sentence with your body temperature."
The child's trauma can be treated, but the internal injuries that can be hurt by words are incurable.
A warm word from parents can break the ice, so that children are like a spring breeze, physically and mentally refreshed.
A bad word from a parent is like a sword, making the child afraid and uneasy, and his body is complete.
If you want your child to be better, parents should not skimp on those kind words, and what parents say determines what kind of person the child will become in the future.
Although parents do not need exams, but need to learn, parents who have a pair of mouth lotus flowers are the biggest luck of children.
About the author: Mingyue Yuxin, parents intensive reading columnist, the copyright of this article belongs to Fushu, unauthorized, may not be reproduced, infringement must be investigated
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