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Keigo Higashino: "When you feel very painful, you think about it, because of this pain, you have grown a step." In this way, we can usher in a good year. ”
"Empathetic thinking" in the narrow sense refers to the perspective of the other party in interpersonal communication. The broad sense of "empathy" is not only applicable to interpersonal communication, but also applies to the regulation of self-attitude and self-emotion.
The word "transposition" in transposition thinking can be either "role transposition", "problem transposition", or "perspective transposition of thinking about problems", so that people will not be limited to one kind of thinking, and looking at the problem from another angle will be instantly enlightened.
Take Higashino's sentence, when you feel pain, you don't have to cling to who is causing you pain, you don't have to hate someone, you can focus on the inspiration that the problem brings you. Just as the so-called "eat a grain of wisdom", you have grown up because of pain, which is a good thing, it is beneficial to you, and if you continue to live according to this idea, it will not be so painful.
When feelings are frustrated, you can also use this method to regulate your emotions and mentality. As long as you have explored a benign direction, your future life will not be too bitter.
The following woman's growth and transformation after experiencing marital failure explains the above method, let's listen to her story together.
Hello Mr. Donglin:
My mother-in-law, who supported her son's "divorce and marry true love", only when she had no one to rely on did she understand: you can't live by your own sins.
I can only say that she deserves it, because no one forced her to do this, and no one did not let her consider the consequences, it was she herself who had to act obstinately, look at me unfavorably, think that her son divorced me and married true love is a good thing, and finally suffer the consequences, what can be done?
It is true that as a mother, she wants to protect her calves, wants to make her son's marriage happy, and also enjoys happiness with her son, which is a common human feeling. But didn't she know to think about the consequences? Don't you understand the truth that "pie will not fall from heaven"?
Originally, this kind of problem could be avoided from the source, but she preferred to indulge, until her son had a child with another woman, there was no way to stop it, she simply made a mistake, thinking that sacrificing me to complete her son was the best choice.
I had no choice but to quit, because she always talked about "children": "Now you can't agree to divorce, that person is already pregnant with my son's child, and you are not pregnant, so it is reasonable to complete both of them." 」 ”
I was miserable, not only because I was emotionally betrayed, but also because, from the beginning to the end of the marriage, I did not get any respect from my in-laws.
At one point, I was thinking wildly in this direction, indignant, feeling that their mother and son were deceiving people too much. Thinking like this will do me nothing but increase pain and trouble.
After that, I began to gradually accept the reality, I didn't want to hate anymore, I didn't want to beg for myself anymore. What good is it to hate them? They will still live well, and if I continue to hate, sooner or later I will be swallowed up by hatred.
In fact, they didn't live well.
Although everything seemed to be going well, my ex-husband successfully divorced and married true love, and it was bongzi who married, and had children not long after marriage, but this was the beginning of a nightmare for my mother-in-law.
Her new daughter-in-law may be a good hand at having children, but she is not as good as me in terms of being a person. Or rather, the exact opposite of me.
I have always had respect for my mother-in-law, and I am even a little afraid of my mother-in-law. However, she did not have the slightest respect for her mother-in-law, but instead used "mother and son to be expensive" as a blessing, but her mother-in-law was more afraid of her.
My mother-in-law is afraid of her, my ex-husband is also afraid of her, and it is self-evident who has the final say in that family.
It wasn't a big deal for my ex-husband, because the family still had his foothold and the kids needed a father. For my mother-in-law, the home had no place for her, she was kicked out by her new daughter-in-law, and her son was indifferent.
She remembered me, and only then did she realize what kind of daughter-in-law is a good daughter-in-law. She confessed to me, apologized to me, said that she was old and confused, and actually drove me away as a good daughter-in-law, and even supported her son's divorce and marriage to true love, which was really the biggest failure of being a person, really the biggest stupidity, and really self-inflicted sins and could not live!
I advised her to go with the flow, to persuade her not to let herself be swallowed up by remorse, and to learn to grow from pain. She said she couldn't do it: "I understand all the big truths you say, but I just can't do it." ”
If you can't do it, you can't blame me, I didn't fall into the well, I was already kind to her, you say yes?
Donglin Xiting Emotional Advice:
There is a saying: Do not persuade others to be good without suffering. Meaning: Don't make suggestions from the perspective of an idle person.
However, after this sentence was flooded, it was abused by many people! It is often unwise for people to say this sentence without accepting anyone's advice.
For example, the daughter-in-law gave her mother-in-law's advice, and her mother-in-law replied to her words, which showed that her mother-in-law did not agree with the advice she gave, thinking that she did not understand how bitter she was in her heart.
If it is an uninformed outsider who gives her advice, she says that others do not understand, and it is justified; but her daughter-in-law is an insider, and the pain she has had is not much less than that of her mother-in-law, and she is entitled to give advice to her mother-in-law, and it is well-intentioned.
If a person can't find a way out on his own, and doesn't listen to the good words and persuasion of others, you deserve to continue to suffer! Don't be ashamed to say anything like "I understand the big truth", you know a fart! If you really knew everything, you wouldn't be miserable, and you would have found a way out long ago.