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Márquez wrote in Love in the Time of Cholera:
Compared with the great disaster in marriage, the daily trivial troubles are more difficult to avoid.
Marriage is life, and life is composed of daily trivialities of chai rice, oil and salt, and chicken feathers.
In "Strange Story", Hua Xi once said:
The most difficult problems in life are often chai rice oil and salt; the heaviest shackles are often trivial.
The trivial contradictions in life are the easiest to consume a person's love and patience, and how to properly deal with the contradictions caused by daily trivialities is the key to a harmonious and long-term marriage.
01. How to deal with trivial contradictions in married life?
Knowingly, there was a hot question:
Married to his wife for 2 years, the feelings were originally good, but recently often because of some trivial quarrels in life, I feel that there is no love, this is not a three-view discord, how to save?
Here's a high-praise answer:
There is no perfectly compatible partner in this world, and all good relationships need to be managed with care. The secret of a happy marriage for a long time is probably respect and compromise in trivial time.
Indeed, marriage needs to be managed, husband and wife need to respect each other, and when they encounter differences, they need to learn to compromise with each other.
The right and wrong of the family depends on the position and angle, and there is no absolute right or wrong. If the husband and wife have to be more truthful, many times, they will only win the reason, lose the feelings, and lose the marriage.
As there is a line in "The Marriage of the Two of Us":
Family disputes, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law contradictions, the most rare thing is the rare confusion. If you always ask for the root cause in this way, the smoke of family discord will always be filled.
There is a saying on the Internet that says:
No matter how good the marriage is, it is also disgusted while falling in love, arguing while getting old.
The mediocrity in marriage is difficult to escape, and it is inevitable that husband and wife quarrels.
Smart couples know how to communicate effectively on the basis of respect and tolerance, and they also know how to take the initiative to show weakness and compromise on non-principled issues.
02. Say that you will not go back to your mother's house during the Mid-Autumn Festival
Netizen Zheng Rui (pseudonym) these days, but also because of the triviality of life, and his wife quarreled, and the Cold War has been so far.
Zheng Rui was born in a second-tier provincial capital city, his wife Cheng Zhi (pseudonym) from the same province's fourth-tier small county, after graduating from college, he successfully took the exam and stayed in the provincial city to work.
Cheng Zhiniang's home is about 240 kilometers away from the provincial capital. When getting married, the couple agreed that every spring at the in-laws' house for the New Year, on the second day of the Chinese New Year, they would return to Zhiniang's house and stay until they went to work.
At that time, it was also agreed that every year during the Mid-Autumn Festival, the in-laws' mother's family took turns, the first year in the in-laws' house, and the second year in the mother's house.
In the 4th year after marriage, Zheng Rui became a father.
Cheng Zhi safely gave birth to a baby boy, adding a new member to the family. Zheng Rui's mother has retired and lives happily to help take care of the confinement and take care of the children.
The mother-in-law also came to take care of it, and later saw that she could not help much, plus she still had a job, and left after staying for half a month.
Cheng Zhi's mother's home, there is a custom of making a 100-day feast for the baby, when the baby is almost 3 months old, the mother-in-law proposed to let Cheng Zhi take the baby back to the mother's home, and the family got together to spend a hundred days for the child.
Cheng Zhi's unit originally had 98 days of maternity leave, but now that she has extended her maternity leave and can take 128 days off, she also wants to take advantage of the maternity leave period to go back to live for a few days.
Zheng Rui considered that it was less than a month before the Mid-Autumn Festival, the baby was still young, and it was not good to run on the road for four or five hours, and proposed to go back together with the Mid-Autumn Festival.
Zheng Rui said that now go back, the working hours are not well coordinated, wait until the Mid-Autumn Festival, he will handle things well, you can take a few days off, stay in Cheng Zhiniang's house for a few more days.
However, the mother-in-law thinks that it is more important for the baby to pass 100 days.
Zheng Rui could only choose to give in, he and Cheng Zhi discussed, now it is okay to go back to his mother's house, but the Mid-Autumn Festival will not go back. Cheng Zhi agreed.
Zheng Rui and his mother-in-law made a video call and confirmed the plan, and the mother-in-law also agreed.
Therefore, Zheng Rui took 5 days off, drove Cheng Zhi and the baby, and played at his mother-in-law's house for a few days. Originally, everything went well, but on the day of preparing to leave, a contradiction arose.
03. The mother-in-law reneged on her promise, and the man drove away alone with his 3-month-old baby
At that time, Zheng Rui planned to finish eating and resting for a while, so he drove on the road and returned to the provincial capital.
Who knew that at the dinner table, the mother-in-law said that Cheng Zhi's cousin would come back to hold an engagement banquet during the Mid-Autumn Festival, and she asked Cheng Zhi to return to her mother's house during the Mid-Autumn Festival.
The mother-in-law and the father-in-law are working at the construction site, during this period of the Mid-Autumn Festival, there is no work on the construction site, at least a month off, the mother-in-law feels that this opportunity is rare.
Zheng Rui refused on the spot, saying that if he did not return to his mother's house during the Mid-Autumn Festival, how could he renege on his word?
Zheng Rui excused himself on the grounds that there was no holiday during the Mid-Autumn Festival. The mother-in-law was not reconciled, and proposed another plan, she said that she simply let Cheng Zhi mother and son stay and play, and then take the bus back to the provincial city after the Mid-Autumn Festival.
Zheng Rui disagreed even more, he drove over by himself, worried that the long journey would affect the baby, not to mention letting Cheng Zhi be alone, taking the 3-month-old baby on the bus.
On that day, there were two relatives at the dinner table who ate together, and the father-in-law drank some wine, joined in, and argued with Zheng Rui.
The mother-in-law asked Zheng Rui to understand the mood of being a mother, Cheng Zhi was married far away, and it was rare to go home once... Zheng Rui always felt that the things he said were not changed at will.
During the dispute, the father-in-law suddenly became angry and asked Zheng Rui to leave immediately. Zheng Rui was also angry, went back to the room to pack his luggage, and let Cheng Zhi carry the baby back to the provincial city together.
Cheng Zhi refused to leave, she felt that Zheng Rui and her parents were so stiff, how could they say to leave.
Zheng Rui didn't say much, and left after holding the baby in her hand.
When he walked to the door, the brother-in-law and two relatives came to dissuade him, and when Zheng Ruigang was a little hesitant, the father-in-law said harsh words in a muffled voice on the side, telling him to hurry up.
Zheng Rui was emotional, turned around and left, just sat in the car, put the baby on the safety basket and placed it, and the parents' phone came.
It was Cheng Zhi who called them to complain, and after the parents asked about the situation, they asked Zheng Rui to go back and explain it to the old man, at least to bring Cheng Zhi back with him.
Zheng Rui was angry, he did not want to go back, but just called Cheng Zhi and asked Cheng Zhi to follow him back to the provincial city. But Cheng Zhi refused to leave.
So, Zheng Rui stepped on the accelerator and left on his own.
04. Respect and compromise are the best ways to resolve trivial conflicts
After returning home, Zheng Rui did not call Cheng Zhi and her family, nor did he send a message, he felt that he had done nothing wrong.
Or her parents repeatedly called Cheng Zhi and did her ideological work.
Parents are usually very good to Cheng Zhi, Cheng Zhi is embarrassed to let them be embarrassed, plus the baby has been breastfeeding, brewed milk powder does not like to drink...
The next day, Cheng Zhi came back by bus by herself.
After returning, Cheng Zhi had a big fight with him, saying that he was unreasonable, did not talk about human feelings, and did not give her parents face in front of relatives.
Zheng Rui was very angry, obviously his mother-in-law broke his word, saying that he would not return to his mother's house during the Mid-Autumn Festival, why should he regret it?
What made Zheng Rui most angry was that when he argued with Cheng Zhi's parents and was even scolded by the old man, Cheng Zhi hid in the room the whole time and did not come out to help explain.
Mr. Lin Yutang once said: On the battlefield of life, husband and wife are the best teammates and partners. For the invasion of life's terrifying waves, saving each other is like a left and right hand.
Zheng Rui was very disappointed in Cheng Zhi's approach and accused: "You often tell me that the relationship between husband and wife should be placed first, how did it change when you arrived at your home?" ”
Cheng Zhi was also disappointed and kept ignoring him.
Just two days ago, Cheng Zhi sent him a message saying: "I want to go back to my mother's house during the Mid-Autumn Festival, and if I don't let me take the child, I will go back by myself." ”
When Zheng Rui saw her provoking right and wrong again, he couldn't help but be angry and replied: "Okay, you try." ”
After Zheng Rui calmed down, he began to worry, if Cheng Zhi really ignored it and ran back to her mother's house to spend the Mid-Autumn Festival, did he really want to end his marriage with her?
In fact, the couple's feelings have always been good, and it is really not worth ending the marriage for this trivial trifle.
Zheng Rui posted on the Internet and asked: How to deal with the current situation, how to make his wife realize her mistakes?
The writer August Chang'an wrote in "So Many Years":
Between people, when there is no emotion, reasoning is only reasonable. Feelings are the field of love, not the field of reason.
In married life, most of the trivial contradictions have only positions, no right or wrong. Instead of arguing about right and wrong, think in your own shoes.
Otherwise, the struggle for the truth, but the loss of feelings, more than worth the loss.
Psychologist Wu Zhihong once said:
What matters is not what happens, but how the other person feels. We need to always remember that communication is the most important thing in intimate relationships.
How to avoid marriage being defeated by the trivialities of life? The best solution is to communicate on the basis of respect and compromise with a cherished mindset.
May you also have a happy marriage.
Well, today is here, LeLe hopes that each issue of the story can bring friends a little emotional thinking, like Lele please pay attention to me, to the article like collection recommended Oh, thank you we will see you in the next issue ~