01
As the old saying goes, marry a man and marry a man, dress and eat.
Although today, with the improvement of women's social inferiority, the purpose of women's marriage is no longer limited to the old idea of "wearing clothes and eating" in the old era.
But in their hearts, most women still long to be cared for by their husbands in life, both mentally and financially.
In their view, marrying a man does not necessarily mean expecting the man to raise her. Because they can also work to earn money, they can be financially independent.
But this man must have the ability to raise her and have a heart willing to raise her.
They enjoy the feeling of being pampered.
And if after marriage, men always keep their mouths shut and don't leave the money, and they are worried about money. Then for women, such a marriage has lost its due temperature and is no longer worth nostalgia.
Tian Tian (pseudonym) affected the relationship between husband and wife because of the AA system proposed by her husband and mother-in-law, and eventually ended in divorce.
02
Tian Tian and her husband Xiao Xu are a post-80s couple.
Tian Tian has always been a woman who does not have too strong desire for money. She always thought that the money was enough to spend. More, on the contrary, it is easy to get out of the woods.
Therefore, for a long time after marrying her husband, she did not have a strong sense of enterprise, and still did the administrative work that was generally treated but simple and comfortable before marriage. I just want to be a little woman.
At that time, the couple's feelings were also harmonious.
Later, the mother-in-law saw that Tian Tian's salary was much lower than her husband's, and was afraid that her husband would be taken advantage of by Tian Tian in terms of money, so she forced them to implement the AA system.
Tian Tian certainly couldn't accept it when he heard it. These two couples live a life, and you and I are so clearly divided, like what words?
But the husband finally listened to his mother-in-law's words and decided to AA Tian Tian.
For this reason, Tian Tian and her husband quarreled for a while.
But the husband somehow seems to be like a demon, not only agreeing with AA, but also infiltrating the AA system into his life without leaking. Even when eating ice cream, the second half-price of the money has to be clear with her.
Tian Tian was really fed up with such an impersonal marriage. But when she wanted to file for divorce, she found that she was unexpectedly pregnant.
To tell the truth, Tian Tian hesitated whether to beat up the child and divorce. However, in the end, I was reluctant to give birth to a child and will live.
Perhaps, the arrival of children may change the current situation?
Sure enough, Tian Tian's idea was still too naïve.
Who would have thought that a husband, during the birth of a child in his wife, would even have to pay for obstetric examinations, nutrition, hospitalizations, and even milk powder diapers for the birth of a child? Or is it that in the case that the wife has no income, she does not even give the opportunity to "grace for a few days", forcing a woman who is still confinement to borrow money everywhere?
All of this added up to a heart that broke Tian Tian's heart. She finally understood the importance of money to herself.
With the help of her mother's family, Tian Tian spent the first two years of extraordinary hardship. Then she proposed to her husband that one person pay half of the nanny money and ask someone to take care of the children, because she was going to go out to work.
The husband is not at ease with the child to be brought to outsiders and firmly opposes it. And Tian Tian was determined to go out to work, and he did not compromise.
In the end, the child is brought by the mother-in-law, but Tian Tian must pay the mother-in-law three thousand yuan a month for a "care fee".
In this way, the child to the mother-in-law is always more assured than outsiders, at least not to be abused.
Without worries, Tian Tian threw herself into her work, changed her lazy habits, and found herself a sales job that challenged and paid directly.
I have to say that Tian Tian is very talented in sales. After a period of running-in, the income gradually overtook the husband.
On her husband's side, the AA system has made him take on many less family responsibilities, and the spare money in his hands has also increased. In addition, Tian Tian had already been heartbroken by him, and usually did not pay much attention to him, so he more and more indulged himself in eating, drinking and having fun, and now that he was drunk, he did not save any money at all.
In this way, the couple made their own money and spent their own money, and awkwardly spent ten years together.
Later, Tian Tian's sister got married.
Tian Tian not only bought a few very decent dowries for her sister, but also paid for a beautiful wedding for her, so that her mother's family was in the limelight in the neighborhood.
The husband could not help but complain, so much money was given away, and he did not consult with him in advance. Did you still regard him as a family?
family? Tian Tian only thought the word was too funny. Since his mother-in-law proposed AA, when has he ever treated himself as a family member?
Later, the little uncle also talked about the object, and the bride price proposed by the woman was beyond the scope of the in-laws' ability. The mother-in-law and her husband together wanted Tian Tian to pay for it. After all, judging from the pomp and circumstance of the little sister-in-law's marriage, Tian Tian should still have a lot of savings.
Tian Tian didn't even think about it and refused. When she was in financial difficulty, she could still remember the faces of mother and son. She is not a holy woman, and she does not care if she does not care.
When the husband saw that Tian Tian had no room for negotiation, he threatened with divorce: "Your sister is married to a beautiful scenery, now it is my brother's turn to get married, if you don't pay for it, you will divorce." ”
"Leave, I've been waiting for this day for a long time." Tian Tian agreed without saying a word.
This can make the husband completely confused.
He originally thought that Tian Tian would not dare to divorce for the sake of his children, but she did not expect that she agreed. If he says it, if he spills out the water, no matter how reluctant he is, he will also get a divorce.
03
It is said that talking about money hurts feelings. Too much money between husband and wife is often easy to bring irreparable damage to the couple's feelings.
Through Tian Tian's story, we also understand the following two truths.
One: Don't let the gains and losses disturb the feelings of the husband and wife.
Nowadays, more and more couples are beginning to implement the AA system.
However, very few people can really benefit from the AA system. There are many because of too much calculation, which leads to the increasingly indifferent relationship between husband and wife, and finally the painful lessons of leaving money, centrifugation, and divorce.
It is said that husband and wife are the most intimate relationship in the world except for parents and family. You should have me, I have you, support each other.
If you say go out to eat and drink today, go home and immediately settle the account; buy a dish tomorrow, you also have to settle the account; buy a daily necessities the day after tomorrow, come back and count the account; the gasoline added by AA, who drives a few kilometers more, must be counted clearly; who has a cold and uses a few boxes of paper, the next day you have to buy it and return it...
Every day I take the computer and calculate this and that. In the end, the money is clear, but at the same time, the feelings of the two people are gone.
You think, since you are married and everything must be AA system, then why should the two people be together? Wouldn't it be better to go it alone?
Besides, can money be calculated clearly, and marital responsibilities can be calculated clearly?
Pregnant and childborn, the wife can be pregnant for five months, the husband can? When a child is born, the wife is one-three-five, the husband is four-five-five, and the extra Sunday is left to fend for itself?
Don't let the gains and losses disturb the feelings of the couple.
The money is gone, you can earn it again. The heart is cold, and it is difficult to cover the heat again.
Second: Behind most AA systems, it is the mind and calculation of one of them.
The AA system has always been synonymous with fairness and justice. In daily life communication, it can indeed provide us with convenience and alleviate some economic pressure.
But in marriage, behind most AA systems, it is the heart and calculation of one of the parties.
Has anyone ever seen a serious couple who has a good day, but every day there with a computer, constantly according to addition, subtraction, multiplication and division to share the chai rice oil and salt?
Have you ever seen a financially disadvantaged wife or husband, in order not to drag each other down, offer to say "Eh, or we have an AA system?" ”
Those who advocate the so-called "equality between men and women" and "economic independence" and take the initiative to propose the AA system are nothing more than to keep their own money bags, in order not to be taken advantage of by the other party, they have tried every means to think of a grandiose reason, and use "equality and independence" to morally kidnap you.
If you are unfortunate enough to meet such a marriage partner, don't stay nostalgic, let him become an ex, and lie down on the blacklist.
As the Japanese drama "The Most Perfect Marriage" said:
"The worst outcome is not divorce, but becoming a mask couple." There is no love for each other, nor any expectations, but living together, which is the greatest misfortune. ”
When marriage is only a matter of calculation, don't do it.
Text/No Pen