When it comes to the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, it is estimated that many people are not well impressed, and there are too many cases of discord between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
Indeed, it is often said that since ancient times, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law have been natural enemies, simply because the two of them need to compete for the same thing, that is, the love of the same man.
As a mother, she has worked hard to raise her son to adulthood, poured more than twenty years of hard work, time and energy, for her, the son is her reverse scale, she longs for herself to always occupy an irreplaceable position in the heart of her son.
As a wife, she left her original family full of parental love, stepped into a strange environment, managed her life, had children and upgraded to become a mother, these undertones are given by the man, for her, the man's love determines her life, and she also hopes to occupy the main position in the man's heart.
As a result, these two women collided together, in order to rob the man's love, it was inevitable that contradictions and frictions would occur.
John Gottman also wrote in the book "Happy Marriage": The core of the tension between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is the turf war launched by two women in order to get the love of a man.
There will be contradictions between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, very normal, you know, even mother and daughter, will argue over a sesame-sized thing, not to mention the mother-in-law who needs to compete for men's love and no grace of birth?
I once read a sentence in a book: "Marriage is the union of two families, and some contradictions do not arise just because they live together, and there must be no contradictions without living together." The most important point between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is to correct their role positioning. ”
If the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law can correct their positioning, respect each other, and understand each other, they can reduce contradictions and maintain this small family together.
"When I first got married, due to different living habits, I always felt that I couldn't get along with my mother-in-law, not only refused to live with her, but also couldn't say a few words when I met, which made me feel very embarrassed." It wasn't until an incident that happened a few days ago that I found out that I was too careful, always thinking that the mother-in-law under the sky was not pleasing to the daughter-in-law. ”
Dong Qian feels guilty for not respecting her mother-in-law all the time, only because she finds that her mother-in-law is really not bad.
01. I am a native of the city girl, different from the in-laws' living habits, there is always friction;
The reason why Dong Qian and her mother-in-law do not get along well is mainly because their growth environment is different, their living habits are different, and the three views do not match much.
"When I first went to my in-laws' house, I didn't like the environment there, and although my mother-in-law cleaned up very carefully, I still felt a little dirty and didn't know how to sit." My mother is a woman with a serious cleanliness fetish, the family can not tolerate a little dirty, let alone pets, I was influenced by my mother, the same is true, therefore, I always feel that my in-laws do not love to be clean, especially the father-in-law who likes to smoke makes me even more disliked. ”
According to her husband, when he was young, his grandfather was seriously ill and needed to spend a lot of money, resulting in a tight economic situation in the family, and the mother-in-law was responsible for the housekeeper and developed the habit of saving, such as washing the water directly after washing the dishes, but used to flush the toilet. The dish is burned a lot at once, and then leftovers are eaten for several days in a row.
Seeing these problems, Dong Qian said that it was not, and it was not said that it was not. Words said, worried that the in-laws are angry because of this, the husband blames her, and the in-laws can't remember, next time it is still the same. If you don't say it, you really can't adapt to it.
Therefore, when getting married, Dong Qian specially proposed not to live with her in-laws. After the husband heard this, he felt unhappy, but the mother-in-law was reasonable and agreed to the daughter-in-law's request: "You want the world of two people, and I don't want to revolve around you all my life!" ”
After getting married, the in-laws have been living in their hometown, occasionally going to the city to visit their sons and daughters-in-law, and usually staying for only a few days and then going back. Dong Qian's mother's family is in the local area, so she returns to her mother's house more often in normal times, and returns to her in-laws' house with her husband during the New Year.
"Anyway, it's only seven days, I won't say it, as far as possible not to spoil the atmosphere of the New Year, but I still don't adapt, fortunately I don't live with them."
02. Although my mother-in-law waited for me to sit on the confinement, I still let her go back to her hometown;
Two years ago, Dong Qian gave birth to a son, and when it comes to the experience of having a son this time, Dong Qian's feelings for her mother-in-law are very complicated.
"She is indeed a kind old man, I have always wondered why she has to raise chickens at home despite the dirty smell, I have said it several times, until I am pregnant, she sends me old hens every month to supplement nutrition, I understand that this chicken is for me." 」 My mother-in-law's cooking skills are really good, and those farmhouse dishes are both nutritious and delicious, and even my mother is full of praise. ”
From the eighth month of Dong Qian's pregnancy to Dong Qian's maternity leave to go to work, during this period the mother-in-law stayed at her son's house, took care of Dong Qian's childbirth, served the confinement, and took care of the newborn grandson, which made the mother who came specially very satisfied. However, as a person of the previous generation, her thinking and concepts are still very different from Dong Qian's.
For example, during Dong Qian's confinement, she did not clash with her mother-in-law in order to wash her hair and take a bath.
"It's July, and you don't wash your hair or bathe for a month, can you stand it?" I'm going to crash. However, my mother-in-law's concept was a little older, and she insisted on not letting go, which made me angry. ”
"I don't have the same view of parenting as my mother-in-law, I follow the book, she comes according to experience, and there is also a conflict."
In the end, Dong Qian politely asked her mother-in-law to leave and did not let her continue to take the baby. The mother-in-law saw that the daughter-in-law was not happy, so she had to pack up her things and return to her hometown.
03. At three o'clock in the morning, a cup of ginger hit the milk, which made me feel extremely guilty;
A few days ago, Dong Qian's father was sick and hospitalized, and Dong Qian's mother had to go to the hospital to take care of her, and it was inconvenient to take care of her grandson, so as not to pass on the sick qi to her grandson. And Dong Qian's company is in the busiest stage, not to mention taking leave, and even pressing off work has become a luxury.
In desperation, the husband called his mother again and asked her mother-in-law to help take care of the children.
On the third day of her mother-in-law's arrival, an incident occurred that made Dong Qian completely confirm a point, that is, although her mother-in-law did not agree with her own concept, she was really a good mother-in-law and a reasonable old man.
"At 3 a.m., my mother-in-law got up and made ginger milk for me who was suffering from menstruation, so that I could accept her."
In the early morning of that day, Dong Qian's menstrual period arrived, because of eating cold drinks, the rest was not good enough, resulting in painful menstruation, Dong Qian was woken up by the pain, felt very uncomfortable, and woke up the husband on the side.
Seeing that his wife had taken painkillers and could not alleviate it, the husband could not think of a good way, so he had to go to his mother in another room to ask for experience.
"After my mother-in-law listened, she immediately got up and went to the kitchen, and after a while, she made me a ginger bumper milk, drank the steaming cup of ginger hit milk, and I felt very comfortable all over my body, especially in my heart."
After getting up in the morning, Dong Qian looked at her mother-in-law who taught her son how to make ginger bump milk and told her son a lot of precautions for women's menstruation, and she couldn't help but feel ashamed.
"I figured it out, man, living habits are cultivated over decades, want to change, not overnight, I did not give her time, did not tolerate her, in some things, I am also too preoccupied, not enough respect for her." 」
Listening to her daughter talk about this matter, Dong Qian's mother also moved back to her own home, returned the task of taking care of the child to her own mother, and repeatedly told her daughter to honor her mother-in-law.
04. If you meet a good mother-in-law, a woman, remember to be blessed.
Zhou Guoping said: "It is instinctive to be picky about people close to you, but overcoming instinct and not being picky about people close to you is a kind of upbringing. ”
In fact, not only do mothers-in-law like to be picky about daughters-in-law, and it is not pleasing to see daughters-in-law, but some daughters-in-law will also be picky about mother-in-law and find problems with mother-in-law.
In fact, whether it is getting along with your husband or getting along with your in-laws, you must learn to turn a blind eye, and things that involve your bottom line must learn to control your mouth, don't always complain about others.
Also, if you meet a good mother-in-law, a woman, remember to be blessed. If you don't know how to cherish blessings and are not good to men's parents, men will also be dissatisfied, which will also affect your marriage.
END.
Today's topic: What do you think of Dong Qian's mother-in-law? Feel free to share your views in the comments section.