This article is all the ways to save the actual experience of the ex-boyfriend and all the experience I have to help salvage such cases, if you want to save the ex-boyfriend, you must carefully look at this article.
There will be some success stories in the future, and I hope you can be inspired.
Will always be updated ~
The concept of redemption in this world: it is just that you have chased the other person again, it is not a continuation of your previous love, but the beginning of a new love.
And since you want to chase it again, then the chips in your hand, in the first love, have been well known to the other party, so you have to accumulate new chips.
We salvage a person's innate condition:
It has to be that this person is worthy, may accompany us for a good and unforgettable time, may have good and precious qualities, may have other people's irreplaceable attraction points...
All in all, he is irreplaceable with you, and without him you will probably not meet such a person in your lifetime.
Don't get it wrong about the nature of redemption.
"The essence of redemption is to completely eliminate the previous suspicions and pull them up from the root, which is a process of attraction and value superposition."
If your feelings can be compounded by a few words or a chat, then this is at best a fake breakup.
Or that sentence: the high-level redemption is to save oneself, the intermediate redemption is to save feelings, and the low-level redemption is to save the object
Routines and techniques can only help you for a while, it can't help you for a lifetime, and it's even more important that feelings are long-term relationships!
There is no skill routine that can really compound with the predecessor, and any salvage of related skills is an itch in the shoe, and the symptoms are not cured. You have to understand that feelings are long-term relationships. Any long-term relationship that goes wrong is built up overnight. So are you sure you want skill, not skill?
After reading a lot of so-called dry goods articles on the Internet, they are writing some so-called redemption routines. For psychology, these are just grasping the weaknesses of human nature and exploiting the loopholes in behavioral psychology.
It really has to be uprooted to solve the problem to be able to completely compound!
So, what should be done?
First: find the crux of the breakup, and then prescribe the right medicine - if the cause of the breakup is diagnosed incorrectly, the consequences will be unimaginable.
Second: what point in time to redeem more successfully.
Third: what method to use to redeem
Fourth: the process of redemption
Fifth: on the correct use of disconnection
Sixth: Precautions in redemption
First: find the crux of the breakup, and then prescribe the right medicine!
I know that many emotional answerers have shown their unique skills. Similar to various breakup types, constellations, personalities and the like. But isn't the brokenness of love these things? The method of redemption is very important, but I am afraid that few people can complete the process in one set of procedures, and many people may just listen to it.
So why did we break up?
Everyone in the world chases only two things in love: freshness and security.
Freshness determines the sweetness of your love, and security determines how reliable your love is.
In the same way, if you break up, one or both of the above must be missing.
And if you want to redeem it, you have to analyze it first, is what you lack freshness or security?
"What is freshness?"
Everyone is a curious cat, has a desire to learn, and has a desire to explore people with a sense of mystery, and every time they explore a point, they will secrete a point of pleasure, which is called freshness.
For example: Why is it that in reality, young plum bamboo horses are often better than love at first sight?
It is because the two people of Qingmei Bamboo Horse know the roots, the two sides have no sense of freshness, and naturally there is no desire to challenge, which is difficult to rub out the spark of love.
So: the beginning of a love must begin with freshness.
When you first met, or in the early stage of love, when the novelty exploded, the relationship between you was the sweetest, also called the honeymoon period of love.
But as you get to know each other better, the mystery gradually decreases, the desire to challenge is slowly lost, and the freshness disappears.
In other words, your honeymoon period is over.
Most couples will break up during this time period, and the reasons given by the other party for breaking up include, but are not limited to: tired, annoyed, you have changed, I don't love, I don't feel...
If there are the above keywords, then you broke up because of the novelty.
In a word, he's not interested in you. How to deal with this?
Remember to stalk him, look for death, and even send him a large paragraph of dissecting the heart, you know, at this time he does not love you, you are useless to send a suicide note.
"Amplify the value advantage" - just to be a better version of yourself
For compounding, we never say "love" or "like", our favorite term is: attraction.
Two people in love, nothing more than mutual attraction, and the cause of being together, is attraction, and lack of attraction, will lead to breakup.
This is the most basic and simplest conceptual model.
Therefore, self-construction and enhancing their attractiveness again is an indispensable part, and attraction is divided into: external, internal and external.
First of all, the appearance, I say so, boys value appearance more than women, so you have to wear, figure, makeup and other aspects, a comprehensive amplification, in this process, but also to your self-confidence to improve, the more beautiful the girl the more confident, and the more confident the more attractive.
Remember: not for the ex, just to be a better version of yourself!
The second is inner construction: after doing counseling for a long time, I found a strange phenomenon, that is, many people break up is excessive, and there is also a victim psychology. Paranoid thinking that the other party has given so much but abandoning himself is a typical victim mentality.
If you want to save your ex, you must break this cage mentality. Back to the opposite of equality!
Specifically, it is manifested in changing your own concept of love, so that you will not make low-level mistakes such as thinking too much, doubting ghosts, and not choosing words
The world itself is like this, a good horse with a good saddle, as long as you build yourself enough, even if he does not look back, you can find more excellent.
The reason for the loss of love is that he does not like you in the moment.
Note that this is not to say that he doesn't like you, but that he doesn't like you in the moment, otherwise you wouldn't have been together in the first place, let alone in love.
You have to change yourself precisely, do a better job of yourself, and let you become the person he can't get after the breakup!
These ways to say it, it is also very simple, but it is actually very difficult to do, it is in the final analysis a process that makes you excellent, and becoming excellent is definitely very uncomfortable.
Not only girls, boys to save girls, but also to let him change himself, and the light of the least technical content of the change of clothing, display, etc., are to invest costs, not to mention deep changes require a lot of energy and time.
Many people are miserable when they change, so they choose to give up and decide to please their exs!
Quite simply, this may make you feel some psychological comfort, thinking that you can interact with each other, the other party will be touched by yourself, not tired at all, but at the same time there is no effect, nothing more.
Women think that if they are obedient, men will bow down to the subject, which is a big mistake, every man has a desire to conquer, and only when he finds that he has not been able to completely conquer you will he rekindle his interest in your pursuit.
Until a while later, when his "ex disgust period" has passed, you can choose an opportunity to naturally restore contact and attract again, this time, you have to know how to pinch the freshness of men.
- That is, uncertainty.
Don't give him a feeling of "eating you", your performance should be a little confused, if you are separated, looking at the flowers in the fog, it seems to love him very much, but it seems that you don't love him so much, don't let him feel that he has completely conquered you.
Because of the man's gaze, he always cares only about the prey that can run.
"What is security?"
———— if a boy is with you, is sullen and unhappy by you, long-term depression, and finally disappointed and accumulates and proposes to break up, this is called the lack of an sense of peace.
He is scared, with you he is uncomfortable, insecure, proposed to break up is his deep consideration, do not want to be hurt again and want to stop the loss, then his reasons include but not limited to: I am tired, I love you can not move, I can not hold on, we may not be suitable...
If there are the above keywords, you are probably divided by the lack of security.
In fact, boys also have a sense of security, at most the threshold is a little higher, in a stable and harmonious long-term relationship, both sides can clearly feel each other's love, which is called security.
In a word: he still loves you but he doesn't move.
How to deal with this?
"Giving security" – giving practical action
If you really love him, reflect on why you forced a boy full of your eyes to leave you, is it because you are dying without knowing it?
If you still love him, put away your careful thoughts, you are not a little princess, not a little fairy, you are just a girl who loves that person.
If you are determined to change yourself and regain his confidence in you, then go ahead and do it, instead of just blindly verbally guaranteeing, the girl may be confused by sweet words, but the man will not, the man's thinking is rational, he does not listen to the promise, only look at the result.
If, you are also worried about not knowing how to get back your ex-boyfriend, you can add my assistant as a friend, tell her about your situation, she will feedback to me, I will take the time to reply to you within 24 hours.
The following are examples of learners
There was a girl before, and her boyfriend was on the verge of breaking up, she realized that she was too much to cause her boyfriend to be disappointed, so she came to me for help, a strong assurance that she realized the mistake, and she must care about him in the future.
I heard her say that her boyfriend was at the gym to pick up iron, and I said, "Hurry, go buy a bottle of water now, and send it over when he's done practicing." ”
As a result, the girl hesitated, saying that it would not be good, whether I would look unnatural in the past, whether it would be superfluous for him to go to deliver water after practicing with friends... There's a lot of worry about it.
This kind of girl, is the typical mouth strong king, the mouth said that she wants to change for her boyfriend, all kinds of commitments are loud, once it comes to paying action, it looks forward and backward, cowering and shrinking, if you are also like this, do you want to save? I tell you, there is no salvation
Girls look at the attitude, care about whether the boy understands himself, and the boy is different, he does not care whether you understand him, but you say "I can't understand you", maybe he will be very happy.
He also doesn't care about your attitude, because no matter how positive your attitude is, you can't solve the real problem, so it doesn't make any sense in the eyes of boys, and what boys see is always the actions of girls, whether they will change objectively.
If you just talk about it and don't make a real change in his eyes, then it can only be equal to a zero egg.
Therefore, the way to make up for the sense of security is one, tell him with actions:
"In the past, I let you be wronged, I failed the love you gave me, but I will slowly pay you back, so you don't go, let's reconcile." 」
Remember, in a relationship, the man is the hunter, the woman is the trap, find your own position, you can know what you should do next.
Then, in addition to the sense of security and freshness and breakup, there is also a kind of breakup for objective reasons, such as no money, no house, different places, parental interference, national justice, international disputes...
If you are so divided by force majeure, if you cannot solve the problem, you need a more detailed plan.
In this society, breakups are commonplace, everyone faces loss with the same performance, remember that your recovery is not a special case!
Above ~ Do you understand the crux of your breakup?
"What stage to redeem" – the timing of saving an ex-boyfriend is important
First of all, you have to understand: boys will go through four periods after breaking up, and different periods correspond to different mentalities.
The four stages are:
Period of fluctuating mentality, period of contending, period of mental stability and period of emotional gap.
Neither the first nor the last stage is the best time to save the ex-boyfriend, and the middle two stages are the best time to save the boyfriend.
Of course, the most suitable time is not to apply the formula, but to change randomly.
Sometimes opportunities come out of nowhere
A lot of people just broke up and were about to go to the rescue, and the result was not only not redeemed, but also got a completely blocked result, because both of you did not come out of the first stage.
The period of mental fluctuation is just a week after the breakup, when many people's emotions are violently fluctuating, and the IQ and emotional intelligence are completely dropped.
In this case, anger, sadness, or resentment fills everyone's emotions and is the least suitable for redemption.
Even when some people say that they want to save it at this time, the girl may not be a state of clear consideration: she is only anxious and irrational to the extreme.
"Salvage Tips":
This is the time to comprehensively analyze the problems of your feelings, not to solve your problems!
At this point, don't rush to say that you are in a hurry to redeem it, because you have no idea what the problem is, and you have not figured out whether the two of you are really suitable to continue on, and what to do if a similar situation arises again.
Even if you think clearly, the other party may not be able to treat it calmly, at this time the other party is also in sadness and anger, and your front foot will be saved after the breakup, which will only make the other party feel that you are very irresponsible for your feelings.
There is an effect in behavioral psychology that it takes twenty-one days to develop a habit of behavior.
In behavioral psychology, people refer to the phenomenon that it takes at least 21 days for a person to form and consolidate new habits or ideas as the 21-day effect.
———— this means that a person's action or thought, if repeated for 21 days, becomes a habitual action or thought.
My advice is: after the breakup, people, don't rush to save, first let yourself calm down for a few days, should eat, should drink, let the brain accept this new situation, let yourself temporarily get used to life without that person. Let your emotions stabilize first, don't blame yourself too much, don't rush to save! Don't force yourself to give up, adjust your mindset!
If, if you find that you truly love that person is not a psychological effect, then it can only be said that you are lucky to meet love, but you do not have the ability to keep love.
"Building Comfort Together" – Heart Anchors Pave your path to compounding
To put it simply, after people see a certain expression, action, scene, etc., the conditioned reflex generated in the heart is the heart anchor.
Learn to inspire each other's positive heart anchors, some good memories of empathy before, meet for dinner and date for the first time and some sweet bits
Together as friends, you have to be in constant sense of proportion, close but keep your distance, positioned like:
———— you take the initiative to be ambiguous, yes, he takes the initiative to be ambiguous, no.
What is distance producing beauty, the feeling you give him now will make him think like this:
———— we could all be so intimate, but now we can't.
This will give him an impression that you are very self-respecting and self-loving, that you ambiguity is called pulling, he is ambiguous, you are rejected, this is called pushing, pulling and pushing, wanting to get away with it, but it can make a man's heart itch, and you can't guess what you really mean.
Once he starts guessing your intentions, he will unconsciously think of you every day, and over time, the feelings he once had will come back.
At the same time, it will also make him realize that he has lost such a good you, and once the loss of disgust is activated, he will naturally feel uncomfortable.
And your behavior also clearly told him the price:
———— want to be ambiguous with each other, you can also, you have to make the name clear, we have to get back together!
True breakup is a long-term strategy, and in the final analysis, it's what he feels, breaking up with you: the pros outweigh the cons.
And the strategy we solved, first of all, was to find out why he felt that "the advantages outweighed the disadvantages", and then use external and internal construction to make the situation turn into "more harmful than beneficial", and then in a gentle way, subtly, let him realize this.
This ensures that even if the redeemer is you and reunited, your status and posture will not be in the inferior position.
"Targeted redemption plan" - to save a boyfriend is not to think of doing what you want
The most important thing is to develop a plan for your own redemption, which must be refined and at the same time have a high degree of execution.
The general direction of the plan is: to clear the negative impression of your ex on you - active reunion - position your own identity, control your emotional needs - re-establish the attraction framework and comfort zone - guide the other party to continue to increase the investment index - take the initiative, use relatives and friends to promote the waves - increase the concentration of the ambiguity index - physical contact and communication compound (prohibit text and voice compounding)
"Precautions in Redemption" - to save the forbidden areas that your boyfriend cannot set foot in
01, do not step into the framework of previous contradictions, and it is forbidden to evoke previous contradictions
Here I would like to say: If the most basic will not be avoided, it is necessary to demand a result and argue for the truth. Then you are not here to redeem, to negotiate
02, reasonably display their own changes and advantages, and rebuild their impression framework
Why is it reasonable? Because it's simple, people who have been together may not know you? Showing within a reasonable threshold still has a certain effect, but I personally think that the center of gravity is not here, which is at best an auxiliary effect. Communication is the most direct and effective way
03, guide your ex to pay attention to your changes, help evoke your good memories, so that the ex can empathize
Learning to guide is an art that enables each other to empathize with each other to increase the promotion of your relationship. Remember not to stay completely in the topic of memories, appropriate withdrawal to let the other party take the initiative to continue, not to sing a monologue
04, do not slander and attack the current of the predecessor
There is nothing to say about this, if you don't understand it, think more about it
05, keep a moderate distance, don't let the ex see your real intentions, let the ex resent you
The maintenance of distance is more that you can calm down and not be impulsive, and it is easy to abandon the impulse in the redemption. Be able to learn to restrain yourself when you say something
06, to have a sense of urgency, but also do not blindly wait for the opportunity passively, play the initiative to create opportunities for yourself
You can't break the connection at will, but it's better to have nothing to say than to have nothing to say. When chatting, retreat in time at a certain concentration, leaving the other party with curiosity and the opportunity to continue next time.
"Save your boyfriend" – you have to do more than just give
There are many, many things that have been said above, and after so many years in the industry, I would like to use some things in economics to define the redemption
Finally, I would like to make one point.
Redemption is like a stock that has been smashed into your hands and will not be thrown.
Then I can only tell you that it is okay not to sell, we can wait, let the bullet fly a little longer, but also have to leave a way back: you don't continue to buy.
There is a funny saying about love.
If what you are pursuing is a love that does not ask for anything in return, then you can choose to give.
If what you are pursuing is a love that has a beginning and an end, then you must choose to take it.
This may not be precise, but at least it reflects a truth, pay will not make him fall in love with you, you are good to a person, he does not like you or does not like you.
The only thing that can make him fall in love with you is attraction, but considering that the emotion is only temporary, then smart people will choose to keep asking for it after attraction, so that the feelings between you are reinforced and trapped by some realistic things.
Therefore, in the process of redemption, you should not let yourself sink into the mud, nor should you pay to try to move the other party, generally holding this idea to save, nine out of ten have failed.
What you should do is to reshape attraction, and only attraction is the switch of human hormones.
Of course, if you have to cling to that kind of self-sacrificing love, then I can only say: since you don't want to stop the loss in time, then you have to learn to take responsibility for yourself.
According to Maslow's theory of needs, after satisfying the most basic material needs, people will pursue spiritual needs.
Some real advice for the girls you redeemed:
1: The real compound is not that you have moved the other person, but that your attraction has made the other party invest in sunk costs.
2: If the other party is not a sincere compound, it is actually easy to see. If you still suffer from gains and losses after compounding, then you need to carefully consider whether your root problem has been solved.
3: Don't be strong on yourself, although you can be cruel to yourself and be cruel to him, but in the end, redemption is a violation of human nature. It's important to find the right way!
4: In the process of compounding, remember to divert your attention to other aspects, the most basic of their own life first.
I teach you three points of redemption.
The first is the person who teaches you to improve your own value and get the other person.
The second is to teach you to create emotional attraction and get the other person's heart.
Third: Nothing, just for you to be able to be a better version of yourself in love.
"Salvage ex-boyfriend case" - see how others can save it
The following is a case in which I personally guide one of the cases to explain the prototype to analyze in detail how to save the breakup after cheating!
The following protagonist is a pseudonym, and the details involving some privacy details have been omitted!
Case 1:
Background: Meowth wants to save her boyfriend, the reason for the breakup is that she split her leg ex, belongs to many contacts, and finally the actual physical derailment, after being discovered, the boyfriend took the initiative to break up, less than three months also found a new joy, since then, the four-corner love series began to fight.
In fact, Meowth likes her current boyfriend, why is she constantly involved with her ex, in fact, because her ex is very scummy and she has paid a lot for this relationship, and even went to abortion for him.
Supposedly, it is heartbreaking, but unfortunately, the ex has slightly touched her, and her psychological love and hate are intertwined, with a desire to challenge and conquer, or out of some kind of compensatory psychology, always like a moth to a fire. Although the current is very good to her, it is a pity that human nature just does not know how to cherish.
His boyfriend was completely disappointed, and he had already seen each other's parents and was waiting to get the certificate.
So tell her family the information of splitting her legs, at this time, their compound obstacle is not only the question of whether to forgive her, at least, the parents are closed, meow is not over!
Why did Meowth cheat? The first is that the ex, although very scummy, belongs to the kind that can provide emotional value to women, coupled with her lack of opinion, fortunately, as soon as there is a problem, I was found in time.
According to the final effect, Meowth's situation did not deteriorate, she did not stalk and fight to ask for a boyfriend, and the boyfriend only told the family, and did not spread negative news through the people around her, and the final impression was not destroyed.
Seizing on this, I let Meowth need to repackage the image, positioning the image is mature and stable.