Contributing Author: Ma Half Bowl
Editor: Fan Yan
It's March when women's grief and joy are unusually abundant.
Several major dramas broadcast in succession have created women with different personalities but simple and sincere lives, which has aroused strong resonance.
In the "Human World" that has just ended, the soft and tenacious Zheng Juan has become the object of "the whole network to fight for marriage";
In the popular "Our Marriage", Shen Comet, who is invincible in his mouth, has taken a sharp breath for the full-time mother of the whole network;
In the "Meet season", which is still heating up, Ning Yu, who is stoic and warm, gets rid of the mud of her original family and shows the wisdom of seeing tricks and tricks on the way forward.
They are like us scattered in various cities, feeling the small changes in life and coping with the big waves of encounters;
They are in different eras and immersed in different stories, and they have a common background that cannot be erased, which is worth talking about.
1, can carry things, less trouble, not afraid of things
Zheng Juan in "The World of Man" is a woman who is in a hurry to find her in suffering:
Abandoned as a child, he was dependent on his elderly adoptive mother and blind brother;
Being cheated into marriage, being raped by a fiancé's friend, and pregnant with a child that is not accepted by the world;
After finally achieving the right results with Bingkun, he encountered marriage interludes, cheating on houses, rapists taking children, accidental death of children, and husbands being arrested and imprisoned.
Some netizens once sighed that on ordinary people, which thing is enough to throw the sky, enough to crush a woman's backbone.
However, Zheng Juan did not give up on herself, let alone sink because of it.
Since her adoptive mother and brother gave her a home, she gave up her future and could not leave her relatives behind, stringing sugar gourds, making popsicles, and pasting paper boxes, as long as people were diligent, they would not starve to death.
Having a child out of wedlock is sad and happy. Zheng Juan also felt that she was not worthy, but she told Bingkun frankly, "I think of you, women think of men, they have not been to others, only to you." She preset the worst ending for herself, "When you have a good match, don't come." Embracing the warmth of the present, she did not hesitate.
After getting married, Bingkun broke in outside, and she took care of everything outside the family. Bingkun did not have a formal establishment, she never scolded and grinned, and the days were carefully calculated; Bingkun changed the big house, bought a washing machine and refrigerator, hoping that her life would be more relaxed, and she smiled comfortably: "I am not tired, this day is much better than before." ”
This woman always gives people a feeling: she can hold on to anything, and the days are the soldiers who will come to block it.
Several details in the play are impressive: Zheng Juan, who rarely goes out, goes to the black market alone to sell goods for Bingkun, but buys gifts for Bingkun and her children with all the money she earns; her niece Yue Yue Nannan died of death, and although she describes kuai, she will properly save her husband and raise children.
Such a woman who can carry things, is not afraid of things, has the grace and tenacity, and deserves the best day.
The afterglow of the character reminds us that although the key word in life is "bear", it is not to be resigned. If we are like Zheng Juan, we explore inward and want to set the goal of "happy life", as long as we go down to the ground, we can always tap our potential. And this persistence will eventually reveal a pearl-like light in the polishing of time.
2, dare to expect, dare to pursue, dare to have
Compared with Zheng Juan, Shen Yanxing, played by Bai Baihe in "Our Marriage", was not tortured by life, but was trapped in a siege.
High-achieving financial students, who will have babies after graduation. In her own words, life is a financial management that does not see the benefits.
The husband is a big straight man, and the two people argue endlessly every day about how much they contribute to the Outside and the Lord.
Take the divorce scene.
Shen Yanxing asked her husband why he did not tell his daughter that he had been kidnapped; her husband said that comet went out to work and disrupted his upward progress, telling comet that he would not take children at all, and that taking children should be a matter for mothers;
He roared that comet and his daughter were still working overtime when they slept at home, and often they couldn't eat three meals for the whole family;
At the same time, he complained that his wife went out to work regardless of the situation, and if he continued to take the children at home for six years, his career would be a different realm...
In the face of the meticulous thinking of the bead chain cannon, if you change to other housewives who have lived in the house for six years and are socially disconnected, you may immediately reflect on whether you want too much.
And Shen's response is obviously more sober: what you are telling has always been your life and your plan, what about mine? Is the child my alone, and do you see my efforts at home? Why do I have to be the one of the two of us who sacrifices dedication?
In the latest plot, Shen Yanxing filed for divorce and returned to the workplace to fight, although reluctantly but very hard to balance the relationship between work and children.
At least we know that this is the first step in her life to return to the position of the big heroine.
When things change in intimate relationships, we find and affirm that our strengths are much harder than our weaknesses.
We want to be cared for and loved by our loved ones, but we neglect to explore ourselves as an important way to love ourselves.
In married life, it is not difficult to live according to your partner's expectations, but you will not be happy if you suppress your true self for a long time.
We need to be like Comet Shen, not to be biased by others, always firmly believe in our own needs, and encourage our own pursuits.
No matter how busy you are, don't forget yourself, knowing what kind of person you want to live and how you should achieve your goals is the most precious growth in adulthood.
3, can tolerate, can fight, can be perfect
Although Ning You, played by Yuan Quan in "The Season of Encounter", is indecisive, her greater pain comes from her original family.
When Ning Yu was a child, his disabled father lost his job opportunity, and in anger, he stabbed others and then committed suicide.
Those who die are the easiest, but those who stay are saddled with the "original sin" of the previous generation.
In order to live a dull life again, Ning Mu took a son and a daughter to change their names and surnames, and moved everywhere to hide.
At that time, Ning Yu, who was not very old at that time, was placed in the duty of "young mother" and had to do her best to take good care of her brother.
The direct consequence of this identity is that when the younger brother Ning Shu became an adult, he blamed the unhappiness in life and the frustration of "revenge" on his sister's lack of kindness to her.
What makes her even more aggrieved is that in the small family she is bent on, her mother always puts her brother in the forefront, and never considers whether she is a good person or not, whether she can bear it.
The burden of the original family is a nightmare that many people cannot break free from in their lifetime. We are reluctant to let go because of the entanglement of family affection, and we are suffering from injustice in the family.
Ning You's choice is not to condone and compromise, but to affirm his own efforts——
"I was also very young, I have tried my best"; rejecting the further encroachment of my brother, "revenge is your business, I just want to raise my children well, and the feud of the previous generation ended with me";
Refuting the blood-sucking of the family, "Mom, don't kidnap me for my brother, things that violate my principles, even if it is my brother, I will not do it." ”
Although in the process, Ning Yu also had entanglements and hesitations, but every time she would ask herself three questions ——
Was this decision what I wanted? How has this affected my life? I will not regret it in the future.
After clarity, she was willing to pay for her decision.
In the face of the original family, we can easily fall into the misunderstanding that "if we don't follow the family's arrangement, it is selfish, or it is uncultured." ”
Ning Yu told us not to use such a harsh label to erase our efforts and efforts in the family environment, a peaceful family will not force us to support through emotional kidnapping.
We are the children of our original families and the masters of our own families, and each compromise we make will not only hurt ourselves, but also affect our children.
And every time we face objectively, we shape the boundaries of the self, and at the same time the boundaries of the family.
Only a family that unfolds with "me" can help us collect the tiny glimmers of life and illuminate the dappled life that lies ahead.
4, know how to see "yourself", whether it is facing family affection, love or life
Parents watched short TV and we began to reflect on real life.
There are many such plots: hard work, hidden, and finally waiting for the husband's conscience to be discovered; resignation, tolerance, and finally waiting for the family to wake up...
A large number of old-fashioned passages imply that only paying is the right way, wanting to take is greed, value depends on others to give, and life needs to be saved by others.
And more and more female group portraits that jump out tell us that if life is a problem, we must follow the desire of the heart, take the desire as the driving force, use action to break the ice, and use excavation to expand the ability.
The days are always sad every day, every day passes.
In the past, we never give up on ourselves, and we are clear about who we really are, what we want, and what exactly makes me not get what I want?
In fact, it is difficult to live a difficult life, depending on whether it is to work hard for our happiness.
For their own happiness, no matter how difficult it is, it is sweet.
As the years passed, with us growing together, there were not only wrinkles on our faces, but also inner rebellion, bravery and determination.
As the writer Liu Na said: "The brave rather than the perfect self is never born out of thin air." It is a woman who emerges from under the heavy shell of self-dwarfing and grows teeth and wings in the stumbling of wind and rain, laughter and crying. ”
Women's future, there is no traditional framework, some are just a more clear self-transformation.
We who hold confidence in our hands will not be strong with our teeth and claws, will not be bound by the shackles of our original family, and will not be attached to anyone. We can be quietly strong, we can live out calmly and confidently, and we can boldly and dashingly follow the path we have chosen.
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