Recently in brushing "The Season of Encounter", Chen Xin'er in the play was suspicious of the whereabouts of her ex-husband as soon as she appeared, as long as it involved Ning You, she immediately stepped on a minefield, catching all kinds of "evidence" to confirm the "adulterous affair" between Jian Hongcheng and Ning You.
When I first started watching, I was also like many people, I thought that Chen Xin'er was because she had been a full-time mother for too long, the focus of life was on her son Xiao Sweet Potato and her ex-husband Jian Hongcheng, the circle was too narrow, the world became too small, she would always be suspicious, and put her attention and life on her ex-husband.
When Chen Xin'er made her first jump off the building in the Ning Yu community, she finally forced Ning Yu to only say that she and Jian Hongcheng had a feud between the two families and it was impossible to be together, and she realized how big the joke she had made was, it turned out that she had always regarded Ning Yu as an imaginary enemy.
And when Ning Yu and Tian Jingye both persuaded Chen Xin'er to find a job, so that she had other things to do, could enrich her life, and could also divert her attention, and would not stare at Jian Hongcheng all day, she also began to look for a job after returning to Shenzhen. Chen Xin'er, who thought she had started over, would be able to slowly find herself and start a new life.
It wasn't until I saw the appearance of Chen Xin'er's mother that I really understood where the root cause of her unhappy marriage and life misfortune was. It lies in the mother who gave birth to her, raised her, and educated her from an early age.
As soon as Mother Chen appeared, she looked very strong, and as soon as she appeared, she asked Jian Hongcheng what Chen Xin'er did with an aggressive momentum. Her emotions were excessively angry and agitated, and when she came in, she did not care whether her daughter was wronged, let alone stand behind her daughter to support her, she was almost crazy obsessed with the secret that Jian Hongcheng did not say.
She seemed to be more concerned about whether Chen Xin'er had done something unseemly to let Jian Hongcheng divorce her, whether she had violated her daughter's education and the rules she had set for her, and whether she had been humiliated.
And when her daughter begged her mother not to ask any more questions, she actually pushed her own daughter to the ground, beat and scolded her, and she scolded her daughter as "something that doesn't have a face." Treating her own daughter, whom she had not seen for many years, even the people around her could not look at it anymore.
As a mother, she naturally knew what her daughter's weaknesses were, and she also singled out the words that hurt her the most, and finally forced her to cut her wrists and commit suicide.
From this, it can be seen that Chen Xin'er has changed from an excellent, self-motivated, well-behaved girl to today's paranoid and extreme woman, stealing bids, illegitimate children, and doing nothing wrong, and it can be understood by her crazy, grumpy, and controlling mother.
1. The shadow of the mother
Psychologist Frank Kadler said: "One of the most unfortunate facts in life is that the first major tribulation we encountered came mostly from the family, and this tribulation is heritable. ”
When she was young, Chen Xin'er was an obedient, well-behaved girl. Her tutor is extremely strict, and she must get up on time every day, go home, go to bed, eat without talking, picky eating, not talking to boys, and have to organize her own things. We must be self-motivated in our studies and strive for excellence in our homework. After going to college, Chen Xin'er also formed her own set of rules, in order to sleep on time and never participate in the night talks in the dormitory, she was strict and strict to abide by the rules.
In middle age, Chen Xin'er is more like a woman with emotional instability and extreme behavior.
She left the young sweet potato alone by her own speculation, and ran to Shanghai overnight; because of a group photo of her classmates, she ran to the roof of Ning You's house and forced her to appear by jumping off the building to commit suicide; just seeing Ning You and Jian Hongcheng standing at the door of the apartment, she made up for the rekindling of their old feelings, and without any evidence, she sent a message in the class group, pulled Teacher Cao to make a decision for her, and made a big fuss in Ning You's house...
At that time, Jian Hongcheng only invited her to eat three meals, the purpose was to inquire about Ning You's news, and Chen Xin'er mistakenly thought that Jian Hongcheng pursued her and asked her for help, and even in order to help him, he stole the company's bid, and thus lost his job and was banned by the whole industry.
And these extreme and paranoid behaviors can also see the shadow in her mother, and from the strong and roaring of Chen Mu as soon as she appears, it can be seen that she is also a very strong, emotionally irritable, and even extreme behavior of a woman.
It can also be seen from the few clips in the play that in the family where Chen Xin'er grew up, her mother has always been in a strong position, and even her father is mostly obedient to her.
Mother Chen's education of Chen Xin'er from an early age was very strict, setting up many rules for her and requiring her to live according to the rules, asking her to study hard to get into a good school, enter a decent and good company, and marry the object of marriage with her mother's consent.
When Chen Xin'er was recovering from suicide and packing up her things and preparing to be discharged from the hospital, Chen Xin'er kept nagging next to her, urging her to fold her clothes to hurry, accusing her of doing things and grinding and rubbing, for a person who was already 40 years old, Chen Xin'er still disciplined her so strictly and strongly, and Chen Xin'er did not dare to refute her words to the lips, her heart was still afraid of her mother, and she had long been accustomed to this kind of discipline of her, even if she was already a mother, she did not dare to resist in front of her mother.
Mother Chen also made three chapters with Chen Xin'er: "First, without our permission, we are not allowed to run around and humiliate us. Second, the child must be given to us to take, and rules must be made for him. Third, go out immediately to find a job and support yourself. ”
When she said that she wanted to make rules for the little sweet potato, my scalp was tingling, looking at Chen Xin'er's appearance now, I was really worried about the little sweet potato, Mother Chen not only wanted to control everything about her daughter, but now even her grandson Xiao Sweet potato had to control.
Chen Xin'er was conservative and conformist when she was young, which was the result of her mother's education; and Chen Xin'er's paranoid, extreme, and emotional nature in her marriage in middle age was also a microcosm of her mother.
As Freud said, "Childhood experiences, as the subconscious mind, are the manipulators of all the actions of adults." ”
2. Chen Xin'er's rebellion and bet
After Chen Xin'er had just experienced suicide and had not yet left the hospital, her mother ordered her to find a job immediately after she went out and support herself. When she could not find a suitable job because of the obstacles and pains in her heart, her mother's attitude was also sneering and persecuting.
Every time, she did not consider her daughter's heart, not even a gentle word of care, we saw that it was just Mother Chen who hated her daughter for not becoming steel, and always wanted to force her daughter to become stronger quickly.
From Chen Xin'er's few complaints about her mother, we can see her inner depression and pain since she was a child. Mothers grow up demanding that their daughters do their best in everything, otherwise they will make their parents faceless.
Even Chen Xin'er, who is already a 40-year-old parent, is still trembling, afraid, and dare not refute in the face of her mother's roaring roar education, which is a deep-rooted fear from childhood to adulthood.
Chen Xin'er, who grew up in this kind of high-pressure maternal love, is actually very insecure in her heart. She studied hard from an early age, achieved excellent results in order to please her mother, and from a young age, she felt that everything had to follow the rules and follow the rules of her mother, otherwise it would be a failure and a disgrace to them.
It wasn't until she met Jian Hongcheng that she started the belated rebellion.
Jian Hongcheng's informality, freedom, insight, pattern and mind are all things that Chen Xin'er has never seen before, and it is also the other side that Chen Xin'er has always been suppressed by her mother, which she longs for and does not dare to imagine.
When Jian Hongcheng, who had nothing to do, came to Shanghai to invite her to dinner three times, she thought that he liked her and thought that his bid needed her help, so she took it upon herself to steal the company's bid for him and was banned by the whole industry. And even if Jian Hongcheng did not read the tender, he took Chen Xin'er to Shenzhen out of guilt and promised to take care of her for a lifetime.
She regarded Jian Hongcheng as a chip for rebellion, clung to him and did not let go, ignoring the objections of her parents, followed him to Shenzhen, and since then she has no contact with her mother and does not dare to contact him.
She also used her reputation, her future, her youth, all the cherished things that her mother had taught before as a bet, she bet on the character of Jian Hongcheng, on the fact that he would be good to herself, that he would bring her a life of happiness and abundance that had been suppressed for the first half of her life, and that it was different from before.
But she still miscalculated, because the person Jian Hongcheng really loved in her heart was not her Chen Xin'er.
Later, after being forced to divorce, Chen Xin'er was not reconciled. Although Jian Hongcheng gave her worry-free food and clothing, and even said to be very rich living conditions, she was still unwilling.
Her mother's strong desire for control had long been inherited into her blood, so despite the divorce, she still stared at Jian Hongcheng's state every day, suspicious of ghosts, catching wind and shadows, and making a big fuss with Ning Yu one after another. He even used his own son, Xiao Sweet Potato, as a tool to contain Jian Hongcheng, and wanted to use his son to remarry.
It wasn't until the end, when the secret in her heart that the little sweet potato was not Jian Hongcheng's child was punctured, until the shameful side of her heart that could not be accepted was torn open, and she stopped and returned to Linshui with her mother.
Qingshan said: "Only by working hard and spontaneously jumping out of the various karmic circles of the place of birth, the primitive family, and the collective can people have room to live for themselves."
Chen Xin'er has also made efforts, she has also tried to follow her self-righteous love and new life despite her parents' opposition, and she has also worked hard to go out to find a job and try to do things from scratch.
I just don't know whether it is the trick of fate or the cycle of cause and effect, the love she envisions is broken, the marriage is over, and the workplace confidence that is hard to regain has also been hit by the former industry stain.
Chen Xin'er in the original book ended up going crazy and being sent to a mental hospital. Chen Xin'er in the TV series finally works at the children's restaurant arranged by Jian Minmin, has a decent job, and can also take her son with her.
And I prefer the adapted ending, it will be warmer, no matter what kind of difficulties a person is experiencing, no matter how difficult, it can still be changed through hard work, even if it is only a little change, it can get better and better.
3. The sincerity of maternal love and the way of maternal love
It is only after becoming a mother that a woman can truly appreciate what maternal love is. It is the kind of love that is willing to give, does not ask for anything in return, and only wants the child to live well, and it is the kind of love that constantly wants to give him the best things in the world.
As Whitman said, "How similar are the mothers of the world!" Their hearts are always the same, and every mother has a very innocent heart. ”
The hearts of parents in the world are the same, and the source of maternal love is pure and selfless, and it is the love that gushes out of instinct and bones.
In the play, Chen Xin'er's mother undoubtedly loves her daughter, and all the starting points she teaches her daughter are from her own cognition and wants to create a better life for her. Forcing her daughter to work hard is to make her excellent, setting up many rules for her is also to teach her not to go astray, constantly forcing her daughter to find a job after divorce, is really for her to consider the future life and the raising of small sweet potatoes...
Love is true love, but the way of love varies from person to person. Some are strict, some are spoiled, some are raised according to books, some are raised as pigs, some learn to let go properly, some always have to handle everything, and some are mostly neglected and lack of companionship...
In the past, I thought that after reading a few psychology books, I blamed the defects of my personality and some things that were missing in my heart on the problems of my original family and on the lack of measure in my parents' education. But when I became a mother, I was able to understand the way my parents loved and loved us.
They are also loving their children with the most sincere and selfless love like the hearts of parents in the world, and treat their children in the best and most correct way they think from their limited economic ability, cognitive level, and values, and do their best.
Therefore, we are not qualified to criticize them, we should not be harsh on their cognitive level and ability, and the reason why we can analyze the way our parents love us from the level of thinking that we are more scientific is because we stand on the height they have paved for us, and our parents have done their best to give us their best.
When you can understand this, many things in your heart that cannot be overcome, and the awkwardness with your parents, you can also solve most of them.
When I also become a mother, while trying my best to give my children more love and a better life, I will also find another inner self through the mirror of educating my children, and I will often introspect myself and strive to be a qualified mother. I will also grow up with my child and heal myself.
Educator Sukhomlinsky said: "Every moment, when you see the child, you see yourself, and you educate the child, you are also educating yourself and testing your personality." ”
Above all, with all the women, mothers to encourage!