Guangzhou Children's Psychological Counseling: Bear children who lack self-control, what do you do with him

In life, we often see some children who are difficult to "get":

Impatient, do things sloppily;

Love makes small characters, when they encounter unsatisfactory things, they will lose control of their emotions and make a big fuss;

When you see what you want, you must want it, and if you don't give it, you will make trouble;

Can't be quiet and listen to parents to reason, easy to provoke...

Faced with these bear children who lack self-control, many young parents feel overwhelmed.

The toys at home are already full, but Vivi, who is already 5 years old, is still not satisfied, as long as she goes outside to play, she sees the new Barbie playing and dolls are clamoring.

No matter how her mother explained the analysis to her, Vivi is not to be spared, it must be necessary, if her parents do not agree, she must be crying and making a fuss in the mall, twice even rolling on the ground, and finally her parents had to buy to let her quiet down.

Wei Wei's temper is also very smelly, as long as she is not happy, no matter whether there are guests at home, she will directly throw away the books and toys in her hand, which will make her parents embarrassed.

In the kindergarten, the teacher also reflected many times that he was very lively, could not do it at all, was smart but lacked patience, and always played with himself in the dance class, which affected the learning of other students.

At first, the mother felt that the teacher disciplined too strictly, the child should be lively and active, but after the middle class, Vivi's situation was more serious, she did not listen to the teacher at all, it was difficult to listen to the lecture seriously in class, there were many small actions, and the teacher was very worried about whether Vivi could adapt to the life of the primary school.

Interpretation of Psychological Counseling in Guangzhou

In fact, the child's self-control ability is not born, it is the child's acquired environment, with the development of cognition and the influence of education and continuous formation and development.

Self-control refers to the ability to control one's emotions and control one's own behavior, which is an important personality trait and psychological quality.

Good self-control can promote a person's success, and people with good self-control are good at motivating themselves to accomplish goals and at suppressing desires, motivations, behaviors, and emotions that do not meet the set purpose. Lack of self-control is more willful, with an indulgent attitude towards oneself, without restraint on one's own words and deeds, without considering the development of events and the impact of behavior.

Therefore, an important goal of parents in the growth education of their children is to teach children to learn to control themselves and form self-control equivalent to age.

Self-control and the child's physiological and psychological development should be adapted to each other. Studies have shown that the development of the nervous system directly affects the formation and development of individual self-control.

0-2 years old at this stage of the baby because the cerebral cortex inhibition function is still very immature, the excitement process is dominant, so often show a strong impulsiveness, they often get angry when angry, cry when uncomfortable, laugh when happy, and have poor self-control.

The baby's unwillingness to wait, unwillingness to endure, non-compliance with the rules of the game, poor temper, etc. may be the characteristics of the baby's age, which is the manifestation of the immature development of the baby's body and mind.

As children grow older, cerebral cortical cells continue to develop and mature, physiological functions are slowly improved, and children's self-control is getting better and better. But children's self-control is also gradually established under the education and cultivation of parents.

Parents should not think that this is the baby's age characteristics and let it go, in fact, parents have to pay attention to cultivating the baby's self-control during this period.

In infancy, parents can hug and kiss the baby more to help the baby to self-soothe. Surveys have shown that self-soothing ability is very critical to the cultivation of baby's independent ability.

When the baby is older, 2-4 years old, can walk independently, parents can actively guide in daily life to cultivate the baby's self-control.

The training of self-control in infants and young children begins with the control of their own bodies.

The rapid growth of the frontal cortex in 2-year-olds lays the physiological basis for impulse control. Children aged 3-4 are already able to perform initial self-regulation according to the requirements of adults, but need adult assistance. At this stage, parents respond to the needs of their children in a timely manner, and giving close behaviors such as smiles, hugs, and kisses can ease the child's emotions.

At the same time, parents can help their children learn to experience their own feelings and movements through games, learn to control their bodies in the process of play, and promote the formation of children's self-control from the physical aspect.

The main development task for children aged 5-6 years is play.

Play is an important "homework" for children to vent stress, relax the body, and prepare for future life, and games are also an important means for children to gain growth experience, and children learn to abide by the rules, regulate emotions, and insist on and give up their own thoughts and behaviors in the game.

Children at this stage are more suitable for exercising their self-control by means of encouragement, and in order to encourage children to improve their self-control, parents can formulate a certain reward system. Parents usually have to observe and understand the needs of children, such as children's favorite toys to play, favorite things, the more children like things, the more can mobilize children's enthusiasm.

After the age of 6, the child will enter the primary school life, and the child's self-control ability will be further reflected. After the child is 6 years old, parents can use more reasonable ways to restrain children's behavior, and children at this stage can internalize and absorb the principles and rules that adults continue to repeat, transform them into their own internal standards and values, and then regulate their own behavior and slowly learn self-discipline.

This is a process from the outside to the inside, first of all, parents need to have requirements and guidance, and continuous encouragement, supervision, it is best to internalize into the child's heart, into the child's thoughts.

When parents reason with their children, they should pay attention to the fact that the reason should be linked to the child's level of thinking development, and cannot simply say "can't" and "don't"; When the child has emotions, it is necessary to calm the emotions first, and then be reasonable.

Moreover, the reason should be simple and targeted, only for a specific behavioral response at a time, rather than saying a lot of truth at once, or turning out the child's previous mistakes, so that the child can't remember and will be emotionally disgusted.

Guangzhou psychological counseling reminder

The cultivation of children's self-control is not formed in a moment and a half, on the one hand, parents need to use targeted educational methods and attitudes to teach and train children's self-control according to the rules of children's physical and mental development, on the other hand, they also need to gradually form in their daily life and learning after long-term hard work.

In this process, parents themselves need to lead by example, because the words and deeds of parents play an exemplary role in the child's growth and learning process, if the parents themselves lack self-control, often for small things and full of various negative emotions, or the child does something wrong on the big temper, loud rebuke, or the family atmosphere is tense, family conflicts are complex and frequent, even if the child listens to and understands a lot of truth, it is difficult to do, it is difficult to have good self-control.