1. Just walk into the subway, the mobile phone rings, your Alipay to the account of 5 million yuan. The whole carriage looked at me. I smiled awkwardly and said, guys, I'm sorry, this

1. Just walk into the subway, the mobile phone rings, your Alipay to the account of 5 million yuan. The whole carriage looked at me. I smiled awkwardly and said, guys, I'm sorry, this is the message ringtone I set up, not really. Next, my mobile phone kept ringing, and Alipay arrived at 3 million yuan. A beautiful woman couldn't bear it, so she whispered to me, can you change a bell, this bell is too exciting. I nodded, said yes, and then changed the ringtone. Suddenly, my mobile phone rang again, and Alipay received 10 million yuan. The beautiful woman looked at me in surprise and said, Didn't you change the bell? I smiled and said, I have changed the ringtone, this time it is really 10 million.

2. One night I drank outside and forgot the corridor password when I came home, so I called the security guard. He asked solemnly, "How do you prove that you are the owner?" I said, "Open the door for Lao Tzu!" The security guard said, "Prove it to Lao Tzu." I shouted, "Beanie." A dog's head popped out of the balcony, and I said, "Bark." "So Bean Bean shouted, causing the next door to be called, causing the black back to cry on the other side... In the blink of an eye, the community was noisy, and the lights were lit. The security guard wore his suit and said, "This proof is too noisy and powerful." "Hurry up and open the door!!!!!

3. I woke up early this morning and my pants were so wet, I think about it carefully. Then I called my girlfriend and said, "I dreamed of you last night, and I got up this morning with a big wet crotch." The girlfriend shyly replied: Nasty, what did you dream about me? Me: Dreaming that you removed your makeup, they scared me to pee my pants. Girlfriend: Roll!

4. Girlfriend at RT-Mart as deputy manager, now the monthly salary can get more than 10,000. After returning to his hometown, the girlfriend carried gifts to visit the uncle, and the uncle was very happy to see the girlfriend, and he had to personally make dumplings for the girlfriend to eat. When eating, the cousin actually did not eat dumplings, after eating and chatting, the girlfriend said that the cousin did not eat dumplings, all gave the girlfriends to eat alone, the cousin said: "Sister, the elders do farm work, often spit into the palm of the hand and then rub it, have you seen it?" Girlfriend: "I've seen it, what's wrong?" The cousin whispered, "My dad did the same when he was in the face." ”

5. Yesterday our department pulled a big customer to the company, and everyone was secretly excited, thinking that the boss should not reward it. At noon, we went to the canteen to eat together and met my father, and everyone immediately surrounded the boss in the middle. Sister Sun said: "Now that the oranges are down, it's pretty good." Xiao Liu said: "That day I went to the supermarket dumbfounded, no one used cash, ah, all used shopping cards." Xiao Wang said, "My daughter-in-law and their unit have distributed rice again." After the boss listened, he looked up at Xiao Wang and smiled: "It seems that this marriage partner is very important." Everyone brushed their angry eyes on Xiao Wang.

6. The wife went upstairs together, and the whole corridor smelled of Chinese medicine. The wife stared at the man's feet. The man's explanation: It is really not the smell of my feet, but the daughter-in-law is still staring! So I took off my shoes, and my wife covered her mouth and said, "Oh! Now the smell of Chinese medicine can't smell it! It's all your feet stink! It happened that at this time, Hou followed an old woman, saw the man and went down again, and said: I thought that the taste on the top was passed up from the bottom, and the taste on the top was even greater for half a day!

7. Went to the supermarket to buy something at noon, picked up a bank card on the way, and the password was written on the back. I was so happy, so I went to a nearby bank to withdraw money.

After I typed the password, it was actually correct. The bank clerk asked, "How much do you want to withdraw?" I had the courage to say, "500,000." She: "I'm sorry sir, more than 100,000 need to make an appointment, oh, do you have an appointment?"

Me: "Then 100,000." Staff: "No. I listened and gasped, "How much is too much." Staff: "I'm sorry, but you don't have any money in Kari." "Me: ...

8. Two days ago I was drinking and chatting with my brother-in-law, and I said that I would never be as good as you, and I would always be one step behind you. Someone asked what was wrong, I said: I think when you rode to work, I walked to work, when I bought a bicycle, you rode a motorcycle to work, when I bought a motorcycle, you drove a car to work again, it was hard for me to buy a car to drive, you were riding again.

9. The company sent me to a foreign country on a business trip, and the train sleeper I was riding on was opposite a mother and son. My mother is really beautiful, she is four or five years old, and I talk to beautiful women very openly. The key is that Zhengtai opened his mouth: "Mom is not allowed to talk, when you come out, your father confessed that he would not let you hook up with three or four, and he couldn't stand it before getting on the train?" The key is not handsome! "Just like that, I'm not embarrassed to say a word along the way.

10. The prince and princess have been living happily in the castle since they got married. One day the dwarf came to the castle and asked the prince, "Tell me how you saved the princess after she fell ill after eating a poisoned apple." The prince looked fondly into the distance and recalled: "That day, I gently called the name of the princess, and she did not wake up; I wrapped her tightly in my arms, and she did not wake; then, I kissed her lips, and she still did not wake up..." "Later, I slapped her hard, and the princess was sick."

11. On the weekend, a very miserly rich second generation went down to the playground to play in his girlfriend's soft grinding hard bubble. But the rich second generation's girlfriend had to play, and asked for thirty dollars for three minutes, and the rich second generation resolutely refused. A few steps away, a boss ran over and asked: Play or not? Fu Er Dai Hui: Don't play anymore, play tired. After taking a few more steps, another boss asked: Play or not? Fu Er Dai Hui: Don't play anymore, play tired. At this time, his girlfriend said with a look of grievance: Obviously, you are reluctant to spend money, but you are looking for excuses. Fu Er Dai said: Oh, what a big truth, do you want to say that we can go home and say okay?

#Funny##搞笑段子 #