The chairman came to our office to inspect the work and let everyone comment on themselves. A colleague who usually performs the worst, commented on himself: "Since I entered the company, I have taken the company as my home and been conscientious

The chairman came to our office to inspect the work and let everyone comment on themselves. A colleague who usually performed the worst evaluated himself: "Since I entered the company, I have taken the company as my home, worked diligently, worked hard, worked overtime, endured hardships in the front, enjoyed later, improved the quality inside, built an external image, worked hard, actively innovated, united colleagues, and respected the guide..." These words caused the chairman to nod frequently, and we were all cold-eyed and squinting, and our chests were fried. The colleague then sighed, "I haven't done all of the above!" ”

2. When my family was poor, I went to school with my brother. Later, I was admitted to a prestigious university together, and my brother resolutely gave up the opportunity to go to college for me. I secretly swore that I must study hard, have a bright future in graduation in the future, and then repay my brother and repay my family. Ten years later, I found that I thought too much! I became a titan-silk! My brother raised pigs at home and became a local tycoon!

3. When I was a child, my family was poor, and I went to school with my brother. Later, I was admitted to a prestigious university together, and my brother resolutely gave up the opportunity to go to college for me. I secretly swore that I must study hard, have a bright future in graduation in the future, and then repay my brother and family! Ten years later, I found that I thought too much! I became a dick! My brother raised pigs at home and became a local tycoon!

4. After graduating from college, I plan to find a career with a monthly salary of more than 10,000 yuan. Dad was very sarcastic about me and said that he had to start all over again. The neighbor also asked me: "What job do you want to find?" I said, "I graduated in management and want to be a supervisor." Uncle said, "Go and apply to the immortals!" They are six gods and no masters. I said, "I'm not trying to be a high-ranking person, I just want to be a boss." Uncle said, "Then you interview the dragon, because the dragons are leaderless." ”

5, a colleague of mine recently became obsessed with stock speculation, the family foundation has been ruined, and also owes a bunch of debts. I got a call from him early this morning, and it turned out that I had asked me to borrow money. Me: Sell me your diploma and I'll give you 50,000 pieces! The same thing is angry: This is impossible! Me: I don't see that you as a gambler still have a deep affection for the graduation certificate! Colleague: I don't do the loss-making business, I spent more than 50,000 when I bought it, so let's take 100,000 away, WeChat Alipay, no credit! Do I want to buy his diploma....

6, yesterday's homework was not done, deliberately put at home to tell the teacher forgot to bring, the teacher is helpless to say: Well, tomorrow to remember to bring. At this time, the mother appeared breathlessly at the door of the classroom: Son, you forgot to bring your homework, and your mother sent it to you...

7. The brother-in-law owes more than 26,000 yuan to the flower shell because of playing games, and now delivers takeaways every day to repay the loan. On this day, the brother-in-law went to the bank to deposit money, took the number queue, the security guard came up and asked the brother-in-law what business he was doing, and the brother-in-law said: "Save money!" The security guard looked at the brother-in-law and said, "Go to the ATM machine, it's fast there." Brother-in-law: "I won't use it." Security: "I'll teach you." Walking to the ATM machine, the security guard taught the brother-in-law step by step. When it was time to put the money out, the brother-in-law took out a handful of coins, and the brother-in-law saw that the face of the security guard was not quite right!

8, someone on the bus put a fart, full of people to cover their noses, only one person did nothing. The person next to him sighed: "You are so powerful, you are not afraid of such a stink." The man laughed and said, "Where, I'm just a special profession, I've long been used to it." The person next to him asked, "Could it be that you are a public toilet administrator?" The man smiled mysteriously and whispered in his ear, "Actually, I am the team doctor of the national football team." ”

9. When admitted to college, several small partners have chosen different majors, and can only run to different cities and agree to see each other after graduation. A friend of mine, majoring in directing, asked at a dinner party yesterday: "What movie does he want to make after graduation?" The goods came with a humorous sentence: "Tokyo on the tip of the tongue!" ”

10, last night, my wife followed me back to my parents' house for dinner, and after the meal, I watched TV with my parents, and I was playing jiu-jitsu, and the girl could twist her body into any shape. At this time, the nephew who was in elementary school came over after writing his homework, sitting next to my wife, and the girl on the TV was putting two feet on her head and walking with her hands, and my nephew asked my wife: Auntie, what is this kind of performance called? Then, my wife smiled and replied: Transformers! ...

1 IKEA was the first to sell matches, in the early days of IKEA's establishment, the source of livelihood was to sell matches by walking the streets, and later sold matches, Christmas ornaments, seeds, pencils and other things through mail order, and only after the expansion of the business scope did it start selling furniture. IKEA founder Ingvar Kamprad is a true "little boy selling matches".

12, recently every day to see, the old man bought a house in a community, but also raised a small girlfriend. My little girlfriend gave birth to a son, who is also my brother-in-law. The teacher asked the parents to supervise the brother-in-law's homework, and the old man said: Write quickly, and then don't write and deduct your pocket money for a month! The brother-in-law shook his head: The ancients said that the poor cannot be moved! Xi Xiao's girlfriend frightened: If you don't write any more, I will beat you! Brother-in-law: The ancients said that mighty and indomitable! Later, the old man and the little girlfriend, together with the brother-in-law, beat up the brother-in-law, and then finished the homework! The old man asked: Did the ancients say anything else? Brother-in-law: A good man does not eat the loss in front of him!

13, I have a friend who has not passed the mechanical design exam, so he went to the teacher and said that he was about to work and could not hang up the subject. No way, the teacher asked him to make a poisonous oath - to promise not to work in the machinery industry in the future, and then gave him a pass

14, when I was a child, my family was very poor, my brother dropped out of school very early to work, in order to provide for me to go to college, I secretly swore in my heart when I was young, and when I came out in the future, I must repay my brother well. After graduating from college, I couldn't find a job, and my brother became a big contract foreman.