1, one day the wife secretly looked through the text messages, and said sarcastically: China Mobile is so disgusting, how to send you such a nasty text message... C said, I am more cattle, set the phone of the little three to

1, one day the wife secretly looked through the text messages, and said sarcastically: China Mobile is so disgusting, how to send you such a nasty text message... C said, I am more cattle, set the phone of the little three as the mayor, every time the little three call, the wife said "Quick, the mayor is calling!" "After I answered the phone, the mayor told me to go for a trip, and before I left the door, my wife told me in the back: Bring more money and do a good job!"

2, yesterday told my mother that I want to buy a computer, she said: your computer is not broken to buy a new one? I said: It's too heavy to take back and forth, if there are two, one will be put at school and one at home, so that every time you go home, you can save a lot of trouble. She said: "Don't go, just let me have another child and put it at home, you can go to school with peace of mind, you don't have to run back and forth, it's easier."

3, people in the capital did not expect that a person who loves to play so much as Zhao Gongzi could actually flash marriage, and after marriage, he was still a person who was afraid of his wife, a typical 'wife management'. This night, after Zhao Gongzi returned home, he went back to the room every day like a routine, and today he began to rummage through boxes and cabinets to find things. The wife looked at it and said, "Don't look for it, I threw away your torn leather shoes." Zhao Gongzi said anxiously, "Where did you throw it?" The old ones can still be worn, and the days can be saved, and the days can be better and better! I'm going to pick it up! The wife said: "Don't pick it up, I have taken out the money in the shoes..." Zhao Gongzi silently instigated a batch of ...

4. After being confessed by the company's new male colleagues and explicitly refusing, he was actually not dead hearted. Still sending me roses every day. Looking up and not looking down, I can't do too much. I had to send him a red envelope of 200 yuan a day to show my position. Only today did I learn from Aunt Sweeper that he had a girlfriend and that her girlfriend was from a flower shop.

5, the cousin made a girlfriend during the work at Foxconn Electronics Factory, and today the cousin went to the girlfriend's house for the first time. At lunch, the future mother-in-law asked: "Now that the consumption of this society is so high, how much money can you earn every month, boy?" The cousin sighed slowly and said, "Alas, not much, almost like asking for food." I didn't expect the future mother-in-law to be so open, and immediately put the chopsticks in her hand and said excitedly: "Then can't you earn tens of thousands of dollars every month?" It seems that my daughter will not suffer if she follows you, not bad! ”

6, the brother likes a sister paper and does not know how to pick up, so he found me to ask for advice on the means of bubble girls. For the happiness of his brothers, he had to pour out the essence of the love movies he had watched. They both adore me whenever they mentioned it to others... Say I'm a master of the sister world!! Now their children can play soy sauce. My masters are more than 30 years old and are still very single...

7, in the afternoon at the bank, a child clamored to play next to a beautiful woman's purple Huawei mate30. Her mother helplessly told her: "The child does not understand things, can you borrow him to play, and pay you back in a moment!" Beauty didn't agree, and the child cried even harder! I couldn't look away, and took out my own black Huawei mate30 and handed it to the child. Contemptuously said to the beauty, "Can you play badly?" As soon as he finished speaking, the child slammed his phone on the ground and cried, "I don't want black!" ”

8. After graduating from high school, work in a listed financial company. The chairman of the company is an alcoholic, and a person can drink five pounds and two pots. Yesterday, the chairman got drunk and ran into the women's toilet to vomit. At this time, a beautiful woman is convenient in the women's toilet. The chairman said angrily: Don't pour it, I don't drink it. The beauty was startled and hurried to hold back, only to hold out a fart. The chairman scolded: I said I wouldn't drink it, who opened another bottle?

9, Mercedes-Benz 4S shop beauty called: "Sir, the car you booked has arrived, you can come to pick up the car today!" I said impatiently: "The car is gone, after waiting for three months, I have spent all my money." Beauty: "Sir, in this case, the deposit will not be refunded to you!" "It's all right, you can buy a ring necklace or whatever." In the evening, she came back from work, threw five thousand pieces in my face, and angrily shouted, "I just need a car!" ”

10, today when I went out shopping, I was addicted to smoking, but my lighter could not be found. Suddenly, I saw a beautiful woman in red walking with her head down with a cigarette, and I shouted, "Beauty, borrow a fire." Beauty said, "Do you want a cell phone number, or do you want to chase me?" I said, "Beauty, I just want to borrow a fire!" Beauty: "Don't borrow." ”

11, buddy invited me to drink, we both went to the bar together! In half an hour, the buddies put their arms around a girl and left! I also saw a girl, I estimated that she was single, so I stepped forward to talk: "Beauty, are you a person?" The girl glanced at me with a wary face: "No! At that time, I was angry: "You are not human, so why are you sitting in the seat of a person?" ”

12, a cold winter day, a beautiful woman who wears less clothes on the bus sits in the window position, although the window is closed, there is still a big wind blowing inside. The handsome man sitting next to him said, "Beauty, let's change our positions." Beauty got up and said, "Thank you, this position is weirdly cold." The handsome guy squeezed over and said, "Hey! The powder on your face blew in my eyes. I can't even open my eyes!"

13, today, the brother-in-law spent 4200 to rent a Porsche 911 to go on a blind date. After the meeting, the girl saw her brother-in-law with a disdainful face and said, "Why are you so old?" The brother-in-law said: "Beauty, you don't understand this, you can't find a job in college for 4 years, and then 3 years of graduate school can almost find a good job, read a doctorate for 3 years, become a high-level talent, and spend 3 years to read a postdoc, that is an expert, so don't be too old, age shows ability." The girl glanced at her brother-in-law: "People are reading, you are in prison, can this be the same?" ”

14, tomorrow to go on a blind date with the rich second generation, I gritted my teeth and punched into the LV counter. I looked at a leopard print skirt and tried it on, and it worked out pretty well. The salesman praised me vigorously: "Beauty, you have a beautiful figure and good shape, and you are very temperamental in this dress." I was more introverted, and my face was red when I was praised by the salesman, and I shyly said, "Don't call me a beautiful woman, please call me a goddess!" ”