At the end of last year, I bought a house, borrowed all my relatives and friends, and there was a difference of 50,000, just when I was at a loss, the female colleague in the office lent me and promised to pay her back within a year. Today sent a bonus, I will

At the end of last year, I bought a house, borrowed all my relatives and friends, and there was a difference of 50,000, just when I was at a loss, the female colleague in the office lent me and promised to pay her back within a year. Today sent a bonus, I added 5000 interest to pay her back, she insisted on no interest, Alipay turned back, said: "Interest does not charge you, you help me a favor, can you?" I was already embarrassed, and quickly agreed: "No problem, as long as I can do it, you can mention it." Female colleague: "You can absolutely do it, then you are not allowed to regret it." I only bought a station ticket for the New Year, and Chinese New Year's Eve you will drive me back to my hometown that day." "Oh my God, her request is a bit embarrassing to me, her hometown is 800 kilometers away from my home, send her back to that I can't Chinese New Year's Eve food, and then Chinese New Year's Eve that day my hometown also introduced a girl waiting for me to go back to the blind date." I thought about it: "This is a bit difficult, why don't you change it?" "She's angry now, saying I don't count what I say, what should I do?"

2, today at home idle, I cleaned up. As a result, I accidentally broke the Lafite that my father had treasured for many years! I was afraid of being scolded by my father, so I gave 10 yuan for my little nephew to carry the black pot for me. Dad sucked on it and didn't say anything. For this matter, the little nephew did not hesitate to blackmail me and ask me to buy him snacks. Until one day I saw my father take back a bottle of foreign wine from outside and fill it with brown sugar water!

3, five months pregnant to go to the hospital to test the sex of the fetus, is a little princess, mother-in-law every day to my yin and yang strange, cold talk. I really couldn't stand it, so I went back to my mother's house, my appetite was not good these days, this did not eat, that did not eat. My mother was impatient, and she hated me for being difficult to serve. I said with grievance: When my sister-in-law was pregnant, you ate and drank well every day, and now you are impatient to serve me, I am so sad. Mom: Your sister-in-law is pregnant with our family's child, and you are pregnant with someone else's family!

4, the husband smokes four packs of cigarettes a day, yesterday to go to the examination, the staff let quit smoking. My husband made a bitter face and said, "I can't eat without smoking!" The staff gave a good idea and said, "If you can't quit all at once." You can change it to smoke one after a meal every day, otherwise it will be seriously worse later. "We went to the test after half a year, and this time not only did we have bad lungs, but we also had stomach problems." The staff member was very puzzled and asked, "What's going on?" My husband: "Oh, maybe it's because I eat too many times a day and irregularly in order to follow your advice on a cigarette after a meal..."

5. Just graduated from the University of Finance and Economics, I was hired by a listed company and became a member of the finance department. As a result, my brother went to work one day today, and I overslept. Too late to eat at home, I went to the breakfast shop near the neighborhood to buy buns to eat. As a result, the owner of the bun seller actually picked up the bun for me with his hand. I was very angry and said, "Why don't you use chopstick clips?" The owner of the breakfast shop said affectionately: "Don't worry, I'm not afraid of hot!" ”

6, two days ago, my wife took my daughter back to my mother's house, but I was not happy, and my wife did not leave me a dime before leaving. I couldn't hold back, so I took fifty dollars from my daughter's piggy bank to buy cigarettes, and today the two of them went home. The daughter came out within two minutes of entering the bedroom, and then said to her wife, "Mom, I have 200 yuan less in the piggy bank!" "This kid can really blackmail people!"

7, my wife hated me only one suite and a Volkswagen Sagittarius and I divorced, I and female netizens online love, went to the bar at night to meet after the results found that it is a sister-in-law. At night she drank too much to take home, and when I wrapped her up in the window, an angel and a demon appeared in my heart. The devil said: Cherish this opportunity, can you and her achievements see tonight. At this time, the angel said, "Good! All right! So I covered her with a quilt and went upstairs to sleep.

8, I am a real estate salesman, the basic salary is only 5000 yuan, but the sale of a set of commission 10000 yuan. So I worked hard to brag to my clients about the building and the neighborhood. I said, "It's sunny, the air is clean, there are flowers and green grass everywhere, and the inhabitants never know what disease and death are." At this moment, a group of mourners came from a distance, crying loudly along the way. I immediately said, "You see, this is the doctor of the community, who has been starved to death." ”

#Funny# #搞笑段子 #